Page 34

Snooping

Marsh waits impatiently for the elevator to open, and then dashes out into the hallway. The lobby’s grand glass doors are to the left, but that’s not where she’s going.

She cuts right, and heads downstairs into the basement. The door to the building’s trash room squeaks as she opens it.

Marsh deliberately closes the comments, then flicks on the light.

She hauled the garbage bags she’d filled with Ren’s shredded research down here the night he had his dream, almost a week ago. By now, they’re half-buried in the blue eco dumpsters under even more recyclables, if they’re still there at all.

But there’s no time to waste. If there’s some clue about where Ren may have gone in his discarded notes, she has to find it. And fast. She dives in with a grunt, and begins tossing piles of plastic wrapping, empty cartons, and flattened cardboard boxes until she locates her discarded bags.

When she opens the first one, she has to push down a wave of panic. She’d forgotten how severe Ren’s destruction was. He didn’t just tear the pages in half, but shredded them into confetti. She has no idea how she’s going to use any of this. Even so, she starts digging, desperately seeking a piece of evidence that he didn’t shred that night.

Finally, mid–third bag, Marsh pauses. She almost tossed a scrap of paper away, but something—she’s not yet sure what—caught her eye upon it. She pulls it back to read it again.

Talia works at RealTV—can she get me access to the producers there to publicize this feature?

Hm, that’s odd, she thinks.

Talia has never worked for RealTV—inside the Bubble. She’s always played other parts in Marsh’s episodes. Even when she was part of All This and More for her own season, Sharp Entertainment was running things. The only place she’s ever been connected to RealTV is as Marsh’s producer for this current season.

But how does Ren know that, if he’s here inside the Bubble?

Marsh is sure that Talia hasn’t slipped up. She would never make that mistake. She’s too polished, too professional. And she’s sure Ren has never caught the two of them discussing Marsh’s possible choices at the end of an episode, either.

But it’s right here in Ren’s writing.

He knows that Talia is connected to RealTV, somehow.

She digs deeper, until she finds a Sharp Purple Moleskine notebook, torn in half down the spine. It must have been mixed in with Ren’s research, and he ripped it up along with all the rest.

The cover is scratched, and the corners battered. Like he’s been keeping this journal for a long time.

Dream one: Central Park. I have the ring in my pocket, but I can’t remember if Azalea Pond is left or right. Try to text Jo without it being obvious, but Marsh doesn’t notice.

Dream two: Roommate broke up with college girlfriend, bought a bunny as a pet because he was lonely. I hate him. Named Pickle, just like our dog now.

Marsh sets the front half of the diary down for a moment, chilled.

It seems that Ren had been journaling about his sleeping pill–induced dreams. But the dreams are...

They’re all moments from her recap. Moments that he’s not supposed to remember, because he wasn’t there.

How is that possible?

Too hard to keep track

Is Ren aware that choices are being made?

Does he know that he and everyone else are in All This and More ?

Need to get to the source

The source?

What’s the source?

Possible that D is still here

“D?” Marsh whispers to herself. The hairs on her arms stand on end.

Does D stand for Dylan?

Has Ren been searching for Dylan this whole time, ever since he disappeared after the midseason special?

But why didn’t he tell Marsh, if so?

Maybe not place, but time

“Not place, but time?” Marsh repeats hoarsely.

What does that mean?

She stares at that last line with pure bewilderment.

Marsh turns the page so quickly it almost tears—but that’s where Ren’s scribbles cut off. She’s run out of this half of the notebook.

She looks up, her eyes skimming over the mountain of trash bags.

If she found the first half, the second half has to be in one of them.

A few minutes later, in another bag, she unearths the remains. Same color, same shape, same frayed partial spine.

Slowly, Marsh begins flipping through the second half of Ren’s journal.

What she sees chills her.

Ren has drawn a flowchart of some kind. At first glance, it looks like an org chart for a company, or a family tree, perhaps. But the longer Marsh stares, she begins to realize what every bubble in his diagram represents.

An event.

An event that happened this season .

The brunch date Ren and Marsh had together. The disastrous threesome. Harper’s meteoric rise at Pallissard. The marriage proposal at the theater. The gala in Iceland, the telenovela scenes, even, somehow, the dinner party they just had here in Hong Kong...

It’s all there.

Some of the little squares have symbols next to them, and there’s a haphazard legend meant to help decipher his code. A star means that Ren thinks the event might have been a dream, an underline means he thinks it might be a memory, and a circle drawn around the square means he’s just not sure. Some of his events have multiple symbols beside them, and others he’s clearly gone back and changed, over and over, until the square is just a gray pencil splotch.

JesterG: Oh my God, it’s like Ren has been tracking the whole show!

SagwaGold: 我唔明喎 ! How did he start to figure it out?

Monsterrific: I don’t know what’s going on anymore!

Marsh doesn’t, either—but one thing is for sure.

Ren knows something is wrong with reality.

And he’s been trying to figure out what it is.

She’s still staring at Ren’s writing when a squeak on the basement stairs startles her. As fast as she can, Marsh shoves the halves of the notebook deep into the nearest garbage bag, hiding them from view.

“Find anything?” Harper asks as she comes into the trash room.

“I thought I told you to do the dishes,” Marsh chastises her gently.

“I did,” Harper replies, crossing her arms. Jo, Bex, Victor, and Adrian appear behind her.

“We got them done in record time,” Jo says. “So, did you find anything?”

“Maybe,” Marsh allows. “I think Ren was investigating... another story,” she settles on saying. “About... missing persons. He’s been trying to find Dylan—”

“Who’s Dylan?” Victor asks.

Marsh sighs in frustration and motions to Jo to fill him in. She doesn’t have time for this.

“Why are you looking at me?” Jo asks, confused. “I don’t know a Dylan.”

That finally slows Marsh down. Her hands pause midway through a stack of notes, and she closes her eyes for a moment.

Deep breath . Don’t panic.

The show is still working hard to scrub his existence clean, and has made yet another person forget him. It’s happened before, but it’s still deeply unsettling to watch Jo—who was there the day Dylan and Marsh met—act like she has no idea who he is.

If the Bubble can remove even Jo’s memories of Dylan, she dreads whose it will alter next.

“Dylan is Harper’s father, but that’s not important right now,” Marsh finally says. “What I need to—”

“What?” Harper cuts her off. “What do you mean, my father?”

Moms4Marsh: Oh no

Time freezes. Marsh’s heart stutters.

Slowly, she turns to Harper, full of dread.

“Ren is my father,” Harper says.

Moms4Marsh: No, no, no

Marsh’s knees wobble. The room is tilting slightly, or maybe she’s light-headed.

“Harp,” she murmurs, clinging to hope.

She tries to speak calmly, praying that her confidence will help Harper remember, but the fear throttles her voice.

“Ren is your stepfather,” she warbles desperately. “Dylan is your biological father.”

Harper is staring at her in horror now.

“What do you mean, my biological father? Ren is my biological father, Mom. I only have one dad. What are you talking about?”

LunaMágica: This can’t be happening

Fortunata111: How can the show do this to her?!

“Marsh!” Jo cries, catching Marsh as she stumbles.

Marsh pushes her off. She can’t breathe. Her throat is tight, working itself up and down as she refuses to let the sob come free.

“We have pictures of Dad— Ren —at the hospital with you, holding me,” Harper says, frantic. “He always teases you about how you craved sardines and peanut butter during your pregnancy. It was the most disgusting thing.”

Marsh shakes her head helplessly.

This can’t be real, she tells herself.

“That wasn’t Ren. It was Dylan,” she tries to say.

Moms4Marsh: Oh, I can’t bear this! If something stole my children’s memories of me, or their father...

Harper is on the verge of tears now.

“Please,” Marsh begs. “Remember.”

“You’re scaring me, Mom,” she whimpers.

Someone, do something! she wants to scream.

She could have borne anything for a better life, Marsh knows. Any change, any pain, any loss.

Any price—except one that touches her daughter.

“I think we should call a doctor,” Victor offers.

“No doctor,” Marsh says. “There’s no time.”

“Marsh, if you’re... I don’t know, having a stroke, or something...” Jo starts.

“I’m not having a stroke,” Marsh snaps. “I need—”

What does she need? She doesn’t know. What was she doing before this horrible moment? Her mind has been wiped blank by shock. She was looking through these papers, and saw Ren’s strange notes, and—

That’s right! She remembers now.

She was looking for Ren.

He’s lost, maybe in trouble, and she has to find him. And then maybe Ren can help her find Dylan.

She can make everything right again.

She can make it perfect for everyone.

“I need to find Ren,” she finishes. “He’s on medication, and isn’t safe out there alone.”

“What kind of medication?” Jo asks.

“Sleeping pills.”

“He’s been having weird dreams ever since he started taking them, he told me,” Harper says.

They all look at Marsh.

“Did you ever try any, Mom?” she presses. “Maybe you dreamed this ‘Dylan’ person?”

Monsterrific: Oh no

StrikeF0rce: Marsh needs to get out of there

Marsh shudders as she backs away from her best friend and daughter.

“Marsh, we’re really worried about you,” Jo says. “Let us help. Just talk to us.”

Marsh shakes her head, trying not to cry.

SharpTruth387: Marsh, please. Let me help

[Automatic security filters have deleted this account]

SharpTruth388: You know where you have to go

[Automatic security filters have deleted this account]

“I love you, Harp,” she says fiercely. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”

Every cell in her body is telling her not to leave her daughter.

But if she’s going to help her, she has to find Ren. And if Ren somehow has figured out that he’s in All This and More, then there’s only one place he could be sleepwalking toward now.

RealTV’s offices.