Page 29 of All the Things We Buried

Soaked. Rotten. Skin hanging in gray sheets from her face. Her mouth was stretched open, teeth black and broken. Water dripped from the strands of her black hair. Her eyes were white and burned with a rage I had never seen in life.

My mother.

Dead.

Screaming.

Her voice was a rasping, gurgling wail that clawed through my ears and filled the room. I stumbled backward, slipped, and collapsed in the corner of the shower. My limbs refused to move. I couldn’t scream again. I couldn’t even breathe.

I curled into myself, shaking so violently I thought my bones might break into pieces. The water beat down on me, too hot now, like punishment.

Then, in the fogged mirror, words started to appear:

YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE.

I sat there, staring at those words, while the ghost of my mother left with the steam. And something inside me cracked open.

I didn’t want to go anymore. I didn’t want to see Sophie. I didn’t want to pretend. I didn’t want to chase a man who would never love me, who was never mine to begin with.

I would rather drown here, in this shallow grave of water and grief, than keep living a lie.

I was done.

The razor sat near the shower, shiny under the fogged light like it had been waiting for me. I reached for it slowly, fingers trembling, water still dripping from my skin.

I held it. Watched it.

Then, without thinking, withoutblinking,I pressed the blade against my skin. Slowly. Letter by letter.

N

O

T

E

N

O

U

G

H

Every time the razor ripped my skin, something inside me calmed. Like I was finally in control. Like I was shaping the pain instead of drowning in it. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t weak. I was carving truth into myself. Proof that I still felt something, proof that I existed.

When words failed, pain spoke to me, and it never lied.

I didn’t even hear the front door open. Didn’t hear the footsteps. Only when I saw his shadow move across the steamed bathroom tiles did I look up.

Dorian.

He stood frozen, staring at me, curled in the shower, blood mixing with the water, the words still bleeding across my thighs.

His face paled. His eyes went wide. He moved towards me. Fast.