Page 43 of All the Devils are Here

“Grant.”

His name, a murmur, startles him into alertness again. He swipes at his eyes and reaches back to grab a pillow before he leaps from the bed. “I-I can’t… I’m gonna sleep in the bathroom.”

He is gone before I can stop him, the door closing and thenlockingwith a finality that hurts my heart.

I should have never brought him here. I should have never put him in such danger.

Chapter Eleven

Grant

Imanageprobablyanhour’ssleep sometime around noon. I crawled into the bath as soon as I locked the door early in the morning, and then I’m hoping that my power soundproofed the entire room because I cried for a while.

It’s not just Rachel. It’s my parents. The rest of my family, my friends. I keep imagining the funeral she said they held, the factthat they’ve never really had an answer as to what happened to me.

And what am I supposed to do about it now? I want to ask Vlad to take care of it, but that’s not his job, whether he turned me or not. Besides, I was somadat Rachel when she started to blame him, even if that’s what he wanted her to do, because he saved me. I would have died without him. I was dying, maybe a heartbeat from the edge.

I strip off the shirt and my trousers at some point, so I’m lying in the bath in just the mesh top I was wearing last night and my underwear. I have to go back to the club tonight. I have to go there and convince Jakob to try to lure me in more and focus on him instead of Vlad and Rachel and this wholemess, and I truly don’t think I can do it.

I dig my phone out of my trouser pocket and scroll through my messages to Quinn. He won’t know what to do either, I think, but that doesn’t really matter.

I don’t think I can do this.

His reply is quick, which is not all that surprising, considering it’s only early evening. I hear something shift in the bedroom. Vlad is awake, too. The sun isn’t quite down yet, but I don’t know that he’s slept any more than I have.

Why not?

A lot of shit has happened. What if I fuck up?

Vlad’s there, isn’t he? He’ll help you out.

I frown at the screen and then tip my head back on the edge of the bath. The pillow I took is wedged beneath my lower back. Not the most comfortable.

I don’t want him to always have to help me.

Quinn takes longer to reply this time, little dots disappearing and reappearing as he clearly thinks his answer through.

What if he wants to?

I scoff and rest my phone against my chest for a moment. Vlad wants to keep me safe. I know that. He turned me. Why have that go to waste?

But helping me with every little thing? Why would he want to do that? Technically, I’m in my mid-thirties now. And what have I been doing for the last fifteen years except rely on him for everything?

My phone buzzes again and I let out a heavy sigh before I lift it to check the screen.

Asher wants to help me with everything. I help him, too.

My face flames, and I glance at the door reflexively, as though Vlad might somehow know that Quinn sent that and burst into the room. In his own way, he cares about me. Some people might even call it love. Fine.

It’s not the same as what I feel for him. It can’t be. I want to crawl out of my own skin when I’m around him, which is literallyall the time, but how can he see me as anything more than, what, a child?

I groan and push myself out of the bath after sending a thumbs-up to Quinn. He’s off-base, but that’s fine. He clocked my feelings for Vlad immediately, so that’s… whatever. I grab the pillow and look at the door.

I can do this. Margot might have been angry at us, might not like vampires at all, but I know she’s hurting over her friend’sbrother. If I do this, I can stop Jakob and this fae from hurting any other vampires again.

I have to do this. I take a breath and open the door.

Vlad and I don’t talk about my running off to the bathroom all night when I finally emerge, but he does already have an outfit laid out for me, which makes tears prick the backs of my eyes.