Page 9

Torment

E very sharp, cutting pain in my life brought new artwork to my skin, imprinting my torment on my body for everyone to see.

My newest piece had appeared when I woke up in a landscape entirely dominated by white, opaque mist. It was like the veil had broken, like the veil was everywhere instead of hanging like a curtain between realms. Being swallowed by the mist had been goddamn petrifying, but when I woke up in the courtyard of our castle instead of floating away into the nothingness of space like I expected, there were bigger problems to worry about.

Death was missing. The whole realm was like an underwater city left to ruin, albeit under fog. And there was a brand new dark coil of ink on my side.

Even looking at the tattoo from above, it was clearly a dark cat with its fluffy tail curled around a smoke-grey trichocereus, a baby pink flower blooming on the cactus. The cat was facing away, only her silhouette in view. Lost to me.

My throat knotted, a vicious sting attacking my eyes. I swallowed that knot, ignoring the way my nostrils flared and the tip of my nose tingled. I wasn’t going to fucking cry. I was going to get our girl back. But first, I needed to find Death.

“When was the last time you saw him?” I demanded, letting my shirt fall back into place, covering the tattoo for the moment. I strode across the misty courtyard to where Miz and Madness hovered at the top of the castle steps.

“He was right beside us before the fog rushed in,” Misery hissed, raking a hand through his long hair until it fell messily and unkept, one lock sticking straight out. His golden eyes were wild, his breathing fast. Ah, shit.

I strode up the steps and grabbed his shoulders, dragging him into my arms and gripping tight. “We’ll find him. We just need to figure out what the fuck happened. Madde, any ideas?”

“Well, he’s not here,” Madness mused, chewing the inside of his lip and looking distracted. His stare fixed on the opaque mist where the gates ought to lurk at the other end of the courtyard.

“No shit,” I snapped, putting the long, white strands of Miz’s hair back in place.

“But what if the fog dropped him somewhere else?” Madde suggested, ignoring my snarly tone. He kept glancing around guiltily, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “He could be in the village below, or back at my castle or—”

“Why do you look so shifty?” I demanded, not letting go of Miz even as I snapped out a hand and grabbed the front of Madde’s dark pink Hello Kitty shirt.

“I, uh—” Madde dropped his head, devastation in bright blue eyes as he peered up at me, that guilt in his expression again.

“I thought she might run away. I didn’t know for sure, but I know her, so I could tell she was up to something.

But she told me to trust her, and I do, I really do.

I’d trust my lioness with my life and my death, but I wish she were here so we were all safe and she could slaughter our enemies like she killed her own and—”

“Breathe,” I ordered, giving him a little shake, my heart a tight knot when he immediately complied at the same time Miz dropped his head on my shoulder, sniffling.

Motherfucking shit. What was I supposed to do?

I was so used to having Death to rely on, to look towards for answers, to have his shit together.

I literally never had my shit together, but there was no ignoring my protective instincts. I amended my to-do list.

Look after Miz and Madde.

Somehow, some way, stay fucking sane.

Find Death.

Get our wife back.

I squeezed Miz and released Madde. “First off, do you think we can open the doors?”

Madde reached for the handle of the main castle door, and though it was made entirely of white fog, he was able to grab it and push the door open. There was no creak like usual, and it opened eerily smoothly, but I’d take what victories I could get.

“Right. That’s positive, see?” I said, nudging Miz, who’d curled up against me.

“She left because of me, didn’t she? I fucked up.” He took a step back, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Because I bound my magic and it killed me. Because she quite fucking obviously made a deal with Cruelty to save me.”

“And what if she did?” I demanded, gnarly and protective and so fucking relieved he hadn’t died.

“So what if she is gone because she found a way to save you? I’m fucking glad she did.

You wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t. But you are here, and I know damn well Cat wouldn’t apologise for that, so don’t you feel bad, either.

” I yanked him close and pressed a hard kiss to his forehead.

“No self-pity. You’re lucky to be alive. ”

“Ish,” Madde remarked, taking a hesitant step inside the castle.

He bounced on the balls of his feet, and when the castle floor held, a tentative smile crossed his freckled face.

“I’m not sure any of us are really alive but—ah, your point stands,” he added when he noticed me glaring at him.

“But Tor’s right,” he added to Miz. “Cat wouldn’t regret it for a moment.

I’m not surprised she made a deal to save you; she loves so fiercely. My lioness.”

“Come on,” I sighed, guiding Miz inside and so damn relieved to be home even if the familiar walls were made of mist, and the tapestries, portraits, and even the old coat rack were white and spectral. “Madde, have you heard a single word from Cat since we were separated?”

“No.” His lips drew into a deep frown, almost comical.

I would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so dire.

“I can always hear her, always, but now it’s quiet and dull.

Not missing because I can still sense her on the other end, but so far away.

I don’t like it one bit.” He managed to pout and look murderous at the same time, those blue psychopath eyes flashing.

“Hm.”

His eyes narrowed in my direction as I led him and Miz down the hall towards the living room, depositing Miz on the sofa and giving his shoulders a shove so he stayed put. He scowled up at me, gold eyes promising murder, but I was so used to seeing that expression, it did nothing.

I was more distracted by the solidness of the sofa under him and the fact the mist should have fallen apart under his weight. This was fucking trippy, and I didn’t like it one bit. I might like it a lot more if Death were here.

One problem at a time.

I strode out of the room and towards the stairs in the foyer, my mind filling up with memories of a castle exactly like this made of dark wood and vivid jewel tones.

That carpet there was where I dropped to my knees and scrambled Miz’s brain by taking him down my throat.

The alcove there was where I had a meltdown when Miz left us to go to Ford the first time, where Death had grabbed me into a fierce hug and refused to let go until I was calm.

Right here, Cat had interrogated us after we chased her in death form on horseback.

I remembered the way she glared at us, remembered the way her eyes fluttered at Death’s patient, persistent care.

Our girl had been touch starved and needy then, but we filled that void of need.

Was she desperate for arms around her now?

Was she thinking about us, too? Fuck, I’d do anything to have her peaches and cream scent in my lungs, her solid weight in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder.

I cleared my throat, blinked back the annoying sheen across my eyes, and jogged up the stairs, leaving those memories behind. Others lurked up here, waiting to ambush me. I walked through them as I headed down the hall and into my room.

A lump swelled in my throat, my voice gruff when I grunted. “Fuck.”

Inside my room was no different. How many times had I laid our wife out here and feasted on her glorious tits until she was squirming beneath me, her breath catching in that way I’d become obsessed with?

I dragged a hand over my head, bristles of hair stabbing my palm.

I hadn’t exactly had time to shave it in the past few days of fucking chaos.

But Miz was alive. He was alive, and Cat was fine, and Death was waiting for us to find him. Nothing else was acceptable. We’d all be back together by tonight. We’d be fine.

I found what I was looking for in a small wooden chest on my dresser.

It was full of junk and shit I’d collected over the years, everything from tiny potion bottles, undying leaves, a lock of hair from Lanai’s mane, and a small coral-pink shell Pain gave me in exchange for a knife that could open forever-bleeding cuts.

I pushed the shell aside, nose wrinkled at the smear of blood on it, and grabbed the chunk of crystal beneath; transparent grey with a coil of living smoke inside.

This one I didn’t bargain for; I stole it years ago from a bastard who cheated during a fight in the town square.

On the way back downstairs, I grabbed a gold signet ring from Death’s room. We’d use this to track him, get him back, find Cat, and everything would be fine.

“I was starting to think you’d vanished too,” Madde said, jumping to his feet when I raced into the living room, the whole room made of pure white mist. God, this was fucked up. I wanted my home back. “What’s that?”

“Amplifying stone,” I replied, scanning him from head to toe, then giving Miz the same treatment. Fine, both of them were fine. “If your magic is stretched because of distance, this will help. If it’s another reason, fuck that. It’ll work.”

I was done with negativity. Delusion all the way.

Madness snatched the smoky crystal from my hand, folding his freckled hands around it, his head bowed and forehead pressed to the jagged top of the crystal. “Please, please, please,” he whispered, his eyes closing.

I dropped onto the chair arm beside Miz, tangling my fingers in his hair like a teddy bear I’d cling to for comfort.

“Why didn’t he come with us?” he breathed, looking up at me with a plea for answers I could never give. I didn’t know. If I knew, Death would be right here with us. “If that bastard chose to leave us—”

“He wouldn’t.” I tightened my fingers in his hair and dragged his face closer for a rough kiss. “That’s not Death. He doesn’t walk away from us, not fucking ever. So sh—”

“Shut the fuck up?” Miz guessed, the sharp edge of his expression telling me he wanted a fight. “So fucking predictable. How about you shut the fuck up?”

“You’re the one who asked me a question,” I muttered, smoothing his hair back into place and dragging him into an unwilling hug.

If he wanted to, he could push me away. Maybe even use his magic after whatever Cat did to save his life.

Magic that powerful could negate the shit he did to bind his power.

But of course he didn’t push me away; he elbowed my ribs once then settled against me, both our attention fixed on Madde, who stood in the middle of the room, his head bowed against the crystal, lips moving as if in prayer.

The dark coil of shadow in the crystal spiralled faster than it had before, responding to his madness and magic. Too much madness. His hands were shaking, breaths coming too fast. I got off the chair arm, pulling Miz with me, and grabbed Madde’s shoulder in a tight grip.

“Calm,” I ordered, emulating Death’s patient commands. “We’re right here with you. Match your breathing to mine.” I kept every breath slow and exaggerated, something in my chest melting when Miz came up on Madde’s other side and did the same. Soft bastard. Snarling, and always resistant, but soft.

“Better,” I praised Madde, keeping my tone even and low. “Focus on the stone, but don’t let it get out of hand. You need to be in control.”

“I need my lioness,” he argued in a breathless plea.

“I know. But she needs you to focus, to ground yourself.”

He nodded, sucking in a longer breath, eyes fluttering behind his closed eyelids.

He looked smaller for such a tall bastard, vulnerability raw in his face.

I’d always thought he was batshit insane, completely unhinged, and a lunatic of a lost cause.

I hadn’t stopped to wonder what made him that way, hadn’t wondered if he was dealing with his own demons like Death and Miz and I.

He was as damaged as we were. And he didn’t feel safe without Cat at his side.

Madde inhaled slowly, then gasped, his whole body jerking.

Miz and I exchanged a look frantic with hope. And then Madde breathed, “I can hear her.”