Page 38

“Hades has gone to confront Apollo,” Cyrus announced as he, Lex, and Jake joined me outside.

I had eaten a pint of ice cream and two bags of chips. Turns out, even immortals could get belly aches. I was on the verge of puking my guts out, and Cyrus hadn't helped things much.

“What's he going to say to Apollo—you sent crows after someone, so you must be behind this?” I asked.

“Hades says that along with the flowers, your memories, and his own suspicions, it's enough to allow him to accuse Apollo in private,” Lex said. “He's not taking it to the rest of the Olympians until he's spoken to Apollo.”

I shook my head. “There's something we're not seeing.”

Jake grunted.

“I've been trying to remember more of my past lives.”

The men, who had taken seats around my chair, went still.

“The first life I can remember is the one with Ace.

That death is the most hazy for me. I do remember that it was fast. There was a man.

I couldn't see his face. Then I was dead. But every life that followed that one ended slower and with a lot of pain.” I took a steadying breath.

“I think I did something terrible, bad enough to piss off a god, and he killed me.

But he did it too quickly. My death didn't satisfy his vengeance.

So, he's been hunting me through every life I've had.”

“And he's killed you in all of them?” Cyrus asked. “That's extreme. A vendetta like that only comes from a truly heinous act. And something like that would leave a mark on your soul. Can you think of anything you've done that might have upset a god?”

“I've considered that, and no, I can't think of anything that would have angered a god. I just lived my lives and tried to survive. Honestly, I never gave the gods much thought.”

“It would have been in that first life,” Lex said. “You said you were with a pasha. What about before him?”

I shrugged. “I think I had a normal childhood for the time and place. Again, nothing of note.”

“And you're sure that was your first life?”

“No, of course, I'm not sure. There are so many memories to sift through, all swimming about my head. But I don't think so.”

“Then it had to be something that happened in that life.” Cyrus took my hand. “Let's go through your memories together.”

The warmth of his hand made me realize how cold I was.

Must have been the ice cream. Still, I felt even colder when I dove into the waters of the past. I closed my eyes.

Jake took my other hand. I exhaled. Lex touched my knee.

With the third hound completing our circle, strength flowed through me.

Confidence. I could do this. These were my memories.

I controlled them, not the other way around.

There was nothing to fear. They were only records of things that had happened.

As such, they couldn't hurt me. Only help.

With those thoughts and the touch of the hounds steadying me, I dug through the layers of my life as Saliha.

My childhood was the hardest to see, maybe because it was happy.

It's the extreme emotions that leave their mark, and the bad ones tend to be easier to recall.

Like when I got older and learned that women were not treated the same as men.

Ouch. Moving on. Ah, there I was, growing wiser.

Learning how to manipulate. I wanted more than being some man's property.

I challenged my society in my own way. But I never did anything to draw attention to myself as a rebel, and I certainly never did anything that could be described as heinous.

Resurfacing, I shook my head. “I didn't do anything bad enough to gain the fury of a god. The most notable thing I did was run away from the Pasha, and Ace helped me with that.”

“The Pasha,” Lex murmured. “What was his name?”

“Melek Ahmed,” I said with a Turkish accent.

The men lifted their brows.

I shrugged.

“I'll look into him,” Lex said. “What about Ace? Do you remember his name in that life?”

“No. It's strange. I can see him so clearly, but I can't remember his name. I think it began with A.”

“That is odd.” Lex got up. “I'm going to research Melek Ahmed. Let me know if you remember anything else.”

“Check on that guy she's buried with too,” Cyrus said.

Lex made a face at Cyrus.

Cyrus winced. “Oh. Sorry, Salina.”

“It's fine. Eddie was sweet, but I never loved him. He was my way to a better life, that's all.”

“That epitaph was pretty intense.”

“I didn't say that I didn't care about him or that I didn't make him feel loved. I saw that as my job. He took care of me, and I took care of him.” I frowned, remembering the crypt. “I'm surprised that he brought my body back here to bury, though.”

“Why? Where were you when you died?” Lex paused in the doorway.

“Virginia. I made it a condition of our marriage.”

“A condition?”

“Yes. I wanted to leave New Orleans. I told him I'd marry him if he took me somewhere else.”

The men looked at each other, something unspoken passing between them.

At last, Cyrus said, “That's a hell of a trek to make with a body back then.”

“Well, now that I think about it, we only left because of me. Eddie had business here. It would have been easier for him to move back.”

“And he didn't want to be far from you.”

Jake grunted as if this was understandable.

I looked at him in surprise.

“It's human,” he said.

“To want to be buried with your wife, you mean?”

He nodded.

“But he had to have . . .” I trailed off, remembering the crypt with only two names on it.

“Shit. He didn't remarry.” My throat closed briefly, surprising me with the rising emotion.

I guess I had cared more about Eddie than I realized.

I rubbed at my temple, seeing his sweet face again, remembering how kind he was.

“He would have made a good father. And he was a young man when I died. Damn. Why didn't he remarry?”

“Love,” Jake said.

I met his stare and couldn't look away. These men were already mine.

I knew that as much as they “knew” I was already theirs.

Well, I was probably a bit more confident than they were.

But love wasn't guaranteed, not in my mind.

This was about magic and a deal with a god.

And I had agreed to it. Wanted it. Hell, I'd been eager for this.

But that was before I met Ace. Before my body started making me feel the emotions in my soul. Before I knew I could have love.

Sounds silly, I know. Especially after seeing that epitaph.

I had been loved. I had probably been loved by many people and just didn't remember.

But I kept meeting awful men before the good ones.

It was a cycle my soul repeated—return fresh to a new life, meet a guy, fall in love, get betrayed, move on, meet another guy who may or may not have been good, and then never appreciate them because I was already soured by the first asshole. Then I died, and it started again.

Or rather, I was murdered. Every. Single. Time. At least this time, I had immortality on my side. But if it was a god who was murdering me, I didn't think immortality would save me.

But back to Jake, Cyrus, and Lex. I thought our bond would be about magic and sex.

Then they told me they needed me to survive.

After hearing that, it became even more about them in my mind.

I was something necessary. A tool. No one loves a tool.

They use tools. Again, I would have been okay with that, using them and their hot bodies right back, if not for Ace.

Ace was my link to happiness. To love. He was the first man I had ever loved and the only one who managed to surpass my beliefs about men.

Ace was the source. The pure relationship that I had unknowingly measured all others against. I'd been searching for someone like him and expecting men to be like him.

Then I got let down because they weren't Ace.

I hadn't been searching for someone like him; I'd been searching for him . And I had finally found him.

But, staring into Jake's eyes, I saw another option.

There, in those jade depths, was something I never expected to find with a hound.

Love. Or rather, the start of it. The idiot was falling in love with me.

And I was an idiot too, because my heart responded to that romantic potential.

It lurched and shrieked, jumping up and down in my chest to get my brain's attention.

This is what we could have! it shouted. It's already ours.

Here for the taking. You can have it all.

Security, wealth, and love. You can trust him.

All of them. They're your hounds now! Take them!

That inner monologue scared the hell out of me. So, I looked away.

I felt Jake's disappointment. It practically smacked me in the chest. But I wasn't ready to take that leap. I was too confused. Still processing. Putting the pieces together. Maybe after we saved Ace, I could explore this.

Ugh! I wanted to slap myself. What was I doing?

Did I really think I had seen love in Jake's eyes?

Love? Oh, please. What a moronic fantasy.

You can't see love. It has to be shown to you.

Proven with actions. Whatever had just happened, it had nothing to do with love and everything to do with pheromones.

Yup, that was it. Puppy pheromones and magic.

“All right, enough of the past.” Cyrus held a hand out to me. “It's time to make some new memories.”

I looked at his hand, then lifted a brow. “Are you . . . is this your way of asking me to have sex?”

Jake burst out laughing.

Cyrus grimaced and dropped his hand. “No. I wanted to—never mind.” He started for the backdoor.

Jake looked at me.

“I know,” I muttered and got up. “Are you coming?”

He propped his feet on Cy's empty iron chair.

“Guess not.” I hurried after Cyrus. “Hey! Don't be like that. It was an honest question.”