Page 33 of After Paris
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ruby
Monday, July 7, 2025
5:00 p.m.
I spent the afternoon reading Sylvia’s journal, then rereading how she’d compared her seduction of her captain to the scene between Francoise and Guy. Shame and desire went hand in hand with her after she’d found satisfaction in the arms of her enemy.
There was another complication I’d never considered until this moment. Sylvia had worried about an unwanted pregnancy. Could Madame Bernard have been the product of this affair?
When my phone alarm went off, I realized it was time to dress and meet Jeff for dinner. I didn’t want to leave this room or Sylvia’s Paris, but after months in hospital isolation, I’d learned the value of fresh air and people.
I changed into a navy blue sheath dress, my favorite trio of gold necklaces, and hoop earrings. My makeup was minimal, but I painted on bright-red lipstick and spritzed on some Miss Dior perfume.
When I saw Jeff, he was dressed in another neat, clean outfit that looked amazing but went against his type. I wondered if his toes felt cramped in the polished loafers.
I kissed him, holding him close. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you.” He straightened the small cross nestled in the hollow of my neck.
“You don’t always have to dress up for me. Don’t feel you need to be someone else to make me happy.”
He waggled his eyebrows. “Missing the Star Wars T-shirt?”
I chuckled. “No. But I know you love those shirts. And I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be you.”
“Very deep. Where’s this coming from?”
I shuddered a sigh. “Sylvia donned a mask to survive. The pretense kept her alive, but it also cost her. No one can live a lifetime with that kind of weight.”
“I don’t consider closed-toe shoes a heavy lift, Ruby.” Despite the quip, his tone was severe before a small smile flickered. “But if I ever feel the urge to dress like a college geek, I will.”
“Promise?”
“I do.” His head cocked. “Will you wear a Star Wars T-shirt if I bought you one?”
Smiling, I tamped down a shudder. “The idea goes against everything in me, but for you, I would.”
He chuckled. “I have a vintage one that dates to the midseventies—never been worn. Princess Leia. A pop of pink in the center.”
“You had me at ‘vintage.’”
“On our way to dinner, then?”
It was all so easy between us. There seemed no reason why we couldn’t build a great relationship. Sylvia had risked discovery and death so many times. She might have escaped France carrying a German officer’s baby. With all that Sylvia had managed, I could enjoy what I had with Jeff now. “I want to be fair to you.”
“How are you not being fair?”
Maybe I assumed too much, but I needed to say the words out loud. “I could get sick again, Jeff. I’m in remission now, but Jason was given the all clear, and look at him now. He’s dying. Be careful how much you like me.”
He looked at me and sighed. “Too late. I already like you too much. I have since that first day you came one winter break in college.”
My heart scraped with fears that always lingered close. “I can’t give you the kind of life you want.”
He looked curious. “What do I want, Ruby?”
“Children. I’ve seen the way you were with the kids at the hospital. You’re great with children. You’ve said you wanted children.”
He laid his hands on my shoulders. “I have all I want right here.”
That was so easy to say. Scott had been so clear that he’d stand by me no matter what. Looking back, I could see he was telling the truth, but he didn’t understand what committing to me meant.
“I can smell the circuits catching fire in your brain,” he said.
A frown furrowed my brow.
He looked annoyed. “I’m not Scott.”
“I know.”
He regarded me. “You aren’t convinced.”
“I want to be. But I don’t want you making promises that can be impossible to keep.”
“I’ll have to show you for as long as it takes.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Jeff meant what he said. He did. But this disease could eat away the strongest bonds in my life. I kissed him.
He cupped my face. “I’m not going anywhere, Ruby.”
I wish I could have believed that.