Page 9

9

LUCIFER

M y entire body felt as if it was going to combust into flames. I wasn’t sure how Quelier had the energy and magic reserves left to not only locate Diana on the compound, but assist her in packing her things after we finished renovating Pit 13. I was so exhausted I had to go to the Infirmary for a power boost. As I sat in the chair, hooked up to my stardust IV, I remembered how ridiculous he sounded.

“I checked on your daughter, and she had her things packed halfass. Four suitcases with everything shoved in there—can you believe it?! I bet I can fit everything into two. Fuck it. I bet I can fit everything into one, if I magically enhance it.”

He was a fucking shit-stirring brat, but he was a good PA. And a magical genius, but I’d never tell him that to his face. The way he weaved the new compound was a poetic use of space. The layout and placement made more sense than Judas’ original one, and everything had a place. I was just there as a power source, honestly. The only things I chose were the color scheme for the main strategy room and the apartment Michael, Marilyn, and I would stay in.

I didn’t tell Michael we’d share an apartment yet. I knew Marilyn would be on board, because she took turns staying at our places most nights. A doubtful voice in my psyche told me Michael would be hesitant. Ever since I made my declaration of love to him after Marilyn’s revival, things had been great, but he never stayed overnight. He never kissed me first. He seemed reserved in a way he never did when we were having late night trysts. He didn’t seem…close?

He was here, but somehow far away…

Before I resolved to get Michael and Marilyn back, I would have bulldozed into his space, demanded he tell me what was wrong, and then use sex to fix it. The old me used sex to avoid words, feelings, and accountability. Not anymore.

I was going to let Michael tell me when he was ready. If I kept being a steady presence in his life, he’d know I really changed. Actions spoke louder than words.

A little chill ran down my spine. My conscious had been locked in a little box deep, deep down in my black heart thousands of years ago. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I let it out to guide me. Gross, but necessary.

When the bag was drained, I immediately noticed a difference. I felt like I woke up from a good night’s sleep. Michael had been worried about me, so I decided to visit him before I started packing. A quick fade brought me to his living room. The lights were on, and a vase of white lilies sat on his kitchenette table. I sat in a chair, leaning in to smell them.

“Michael?” Usually he came out to meet me when I dropped in unannounced, but there was no flurry of activity in the quiet barrack. “Michael…”

My magic weaved through the space, and I felt him here. Maybe he wanted me to seek him out…like a game? We hadn’t played games like this in a while, and a small barrack wasn’t the ideal place to play them, but I could make this work.

“Michael, are you hiding from me?” I called out and I crept through the hallway to his room. “You know I’ll find you in here…and then I’ll show you why you never hide from the Prince of Darkness.”

No response. I went into his bedroom, and froze. He was passed out on the floor, his hand clutching his heart.

I knelt next to him, checking his entire body for injuries. Other than a profuse nosebleed, he was unharmed. I gently shook him, and he barely opened his eyes. They were glassy, unfocused. The irises were such a light shade of blue they almost seemed clear.

“Luci,” he wheezed. Something was wrong. He had no major injuries, but his entire body was freezing cold. His heart was barely beating.

“What’s wrong, are you okay?” I couldn’t fix him if I didn’t know what was wrong.

“Lucifer…help me into bed,” he requested.

“We need to get you to a healer,” I insisted. Every second I spent with him made it more evident that something was seriously wrong.

“No,” he said again. “I’m fine. Get me in bed.”

I pulled back the covers of his immaculately made bed, helping him into the right side. I layed on the left, and pulled him into me, using my fire magic to warm his skin. He started shaking, and I called it. We had to get medical help here, stat. I wouldn’t risk his life because of his stupid pride.

Michael needs medical attention, NOW! His barrack, I mindlinked Azazel.

Within a minute, he barged into the room. He was in his pajamas, fresh sleep lines on his face. I could smell Diana’s scent on him. Not that I cared if I pulled him from a comfortable sleep. Michael was more important.

“What’s going on?” Azazel asked me, sitting on Michael’s side of the bed.

I got up, maneuvering Michael in the center of the bed so he had room to work. “I walked in on him passed out on the floor, his hand over his heart. What’s going on?”

Azazel ran his hands a couple inches over Michael, scanning him from head-to-toe multiple times. His magic swirled around Michael’s head, but the perplexed look on his face told me he found nothing concrete.

“Something is wrong, but I’m not sure… Can I touch his hand? Maybe I can get a flashback or a vision.”

“Do whatever you have to do,” I said.

Azazel closed his eyes before grabbing Michael’s hand in both of his and taking deep, calming breaths. Several seconds later, his eyes opened. They were milky white, no pupils or irises. He stared off into the distance with an expressionless face for almost two minutes. His entire body was stone still. I stared at his eyes, wondering what he saw.

He gasped, letting go of Michael’s hand. His eyes were still white, but they were coming back to normal now.

“I think we need to call Ares in so he can broadcast what I saw. I have a theory, but I want you to see it. Something isn’t adding up,” he said.

Ares, report to Michael’s barrack, now, I linked him. I assumed he was still awake, helping the troops gather their things before our move tomorrow.

He faded within seconds, with Diana in tow. They were both in pajamas, too.

“Michael!” she shouted. “Dad, what’s going on?” She sat next to Azazel on the bed, taking the hand he previously held. “He’s so cold…”

“Diana, Michael is alive, but something isn’t right. Ares, I need you to broadcast what I saw, okay?” Azazel calmly asked him.

We sat awkwardly on the bed, holding hands. Ares’ tapped into Azazel’s mind, and what he saw flashed before us, like movie clips.

Michael and I in our apartment in Manhattan, shouting at each other. His face is red with anger and he’s worked up. I remember this exact argument. He had caught me spying on Diana and Marilyn at the park. I couldn’t stay away from them, and even watching them from afar broke my heart.

The clip changes to another argument. A similar reason.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” he shouts. “Can’t you put their safety above your own selfishness?”

“You’re a callous bastard who doesn’t even miss them!”

Michael throws a plate at me, and I don’t even flinch when it breaks against my chest.

“It fucking kills me not to see my ONLY child grow up. But I bear the pain because her well being is more important,” he cries.

The undercurrent of what he said and his tears rip me apart.

The clip changes again to Michael and God, sitting by a lake in Heaven. He and I used to sit in the exact same spot and talk for hours. I don’t see God’s face, because they appear differently to everyone, but I know it’s them from the glow emanating off them. Michael says one line, and it’s enough to cleave me in two.

“Sometimes I feel as if I’m dying inside. I can’t take it anymore.”

The scene changes again. I remember what happens before it even starts. Michael is wearing a band tee shirt and ripped jeans. We had just come back from a music festival.

“You’re holding me back! I'm done with this plan. I want to see my daughter, Michael!”

“The last time you saw her, look what happened! It isn’t safe!” he shouts back, tears in his eyes.

“I can keep her safe!”

“No you can’t. You have too many enemies. You already caused Marilyn’s death, please leave Diana be! Let her live her life…” he begs me.

I want to rip the whole fucking room to shreds. How dare he blame me for Marilyn. How dare he continue to keep me from our daughter. He only gave me half of himself after I was outcast from Heaven.

“I can’t do this anymore…” This is the moment I make the worst mistake of my life. One that would irreparably change both our lives for the worst. “I’m done.”

Michael’s tears fall, trailing down his cheek. His silence slices me open. “Okay.”

“I don’t want you anymore.” I wield the words like a weapon, cutting him deep.

“Then let me go…”

I reach inside me, conjuring my magic in a way I never had before. It hurts like Hell, but somehow, I manage to break our soulbond.

The scene changes again, to a much more recent time. Michael is sitting in a resting bed, somewhere in Heaven. A healer stands over him.

“Michael, you suffer from a broken soulbond. When Lucifer severed the bond, he broke your heart and took a piece of it with him,” he says.

“What does that mean?” Michael asks.

“When mortal paranormals break a soulbound, the one who was abandoned dies. But you and Lucifer are immortal, so you’ll just feel the pain. For eternity, you’ll feel your heart breaking. I’m so sorry.”

“Is there any way to fix it?” he seems so lost, like the news hasn’t quite hit him yet.

“Lucifer would have to reinstate the soulbond.”

“That won’t happen,” Michael scoffs. “He’s probably partying on an island somewhere. Enjoying his life without me. He hasn’t contacted me since the day he broke it.”

I wasn’t partying. I was trapped in Damon’s stone, wishing I never broke the bond.

The scene changes again. Michael is in the infirmary at the compound with Doctor Greene. He lays in a bed, exhausted and rundown. His hair is a mess and he looks to have not slept in days.

“Please don’t tell him about it,” he begs her.

“I am under strict instructions from Lucifer to report any injury you have to him ASAP,” she replies. “He deserves to know…” she says gently. “I can tell he still loves you.”

“Doubtful. One day I’ll tell him, but if he wants to rebond…I can’t stand to go through more pain if he breaks it again. Please let me tell him when I’m ready?”

“I'm so sorry, Michael. Of course. Unless the bond is reinstated, the only remedy to fix this episode is to rest. Eventually the pain will subside.”

Scene after scene of Michael being stricken with indescribable pain follow. They’re hard to watch, and by the end I feel as if I’m going to vomit. My tears almost choke me.

It finally stopped. Everyone in the room stared at me, with varying degrees of pity and anger on their faces. I didn’t care how they felt. The only person I cared about was Michael. I hurt the man I’d loved, and he never said a word to me.

Because he thought I didn’t love him anymore.

I pulled him against me. “I’ve always loved you, since the day I met you. I’m sorry Michael, for everything.”

His handsome face twists in agony, as tears wet his cheeks. Something about Michael that had attracted me from the moment I met him was the light in his eyes. He was so pure…so good. I wanted to have him all to myself. And I didn’t take care of him the way I should have. I failed to protect him from my own selfishness.

“I love you too, Luci,” he breathed, his voice barely more than a whisper.

I didn’t deserve his love. Or his loyalty throughout the centuries. I didn’t deserve the way he sacrificed his own happiness for Marilyn and Diana’s sake. But I promised him I’d change. For both of the people I loved, I would become a better version of myself.

“We’ll fix this,” I promised him.

Azazel, Ares, and Diana left, and I stayed with Michael the entire night, holding him through his pain. Whispering memories from the years past into his ear. Reminding him of how much I loved him, how I’d change for him and Marilyn. His smiles were the only thing holding me together.

When Marilyn came early in the morning, she didn’t look surprised to see him in that state. She crawled under the covers on his other side, wrapping herself around him.

“You knew?” I asked her, despite knowing the answer.

“Yes. I found him in a similar way after I came to the compound. He asked me not to tell you, and I didn’t want to get into the middle of it…”

She must hate me. I knew Michael was her favorite, and I couldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see me again.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. I don’t blame either of you. So many things happened to bring the three of us to this point, and the best thing we can do is focus on the future and how to fix this.” Her big doe eyes focused on me, and I felt the conviction in her words.

She really thinks there’s a happy ending for us.

“You make it sound so easy…” I wish it was that easy.

“I love the two of you too much for any other possibility,” she whispered, running the back of her palm over Michael’s beard.

He leaned into her touch as he slept, and I made another promise, this time to myself.

I promised to fix the broken bond between Michael and I. And to spend the rest of my immortal life loving these two people I didn’t deserve.