Page 30 of A World Apart (Between Worlds #1)

“ H i,” I said, trying for neutral, but fearing I missed and hit ‘weird’ instead.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Oh, you know how it is,” going now for light and carefree, “hungry, and trying to forget all the embarrassing parts."

“Sure, I get that.”

“How are you? I hope it’s not too early to call,” I said, lying back down on my bed.

“No, not at all. I’m usually up early anyway. I’m glad you called, because I wanted to make sure you were okay after last night.” His voice had an edge to it that I didn’t know him well enough to identify.

“What did you mean when you said, ‘no?’” he asked, bluntly.

“No?” I repeated, confused. “No what?”

“Ky, you said, ‘no,’ when I asked if you wanted to keep talking, and then you hung up.”

For a moment, I just lay there. My brain stalled as I tried to reconcile my memories with what he was saying. Trying to recall the conversation was a physical effort, like trying to wake up hamsters to get them to run around the wheel. Until ?

“You don’t want me to call you?”

“No, I’m just saying you don’t have to. Don’t feel obligated to, y’know?”

“Oh, oh,” and then, horrified, “oh, no! That’s not what happened!”

“It’s not? Look, can we switch to video?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah sure.” I’m quick to agree, forgetting my appearance until our screens are on and I see myself in the little window.

“Oh god,” I moan, slapping a hand over my face.

“Kaiya, what?” He sounded impatient, which is totally fair, considering.

“Nothing, never mind,” I sighed, “I just forgot I looked like this today.” I took my hand from my face, which was thankfully, at least free of the facemask and eye patches that Becka and I had been using while binging Supernatural.

“There’s nothing wrong with how you look. You look great.” His smile is indulgent, and I tentatively return it.

“No, you,” I mumbled as heat ran up my neck to warm my cheeks.

He laughed before turning serious again. “So, to be clear; you didn’t hang up, last night?”

“No!” I shook my head vigorously. “I swear, what I actually said was that you didn’t need to call me, if you didn’t want to, and then my app crashed, and then I went to restart my phone, but I must have fallen asleep before turning it back on.

” I sounded ridiculous, but it was the God’s honest truth.

“Why would I not want to?” Boy, he was really stuck on that, huh?

“Well, you know…” I was beginning to feel increasingly more foolish the longer I looked at his earnest face.

“No, I don’t know,” he huffed out a laugh and shrugged his shoulders.

Jihoon was proving more and more that he wasn’t here to play games.

It was unfamiliar but refreshing. In almost every one of my previous relationships, we would have danced around the hard stuff, but Jihoon just said what he meant.

His openness gave me nowhere to hide, and while that felt a little confronting, it was also strangely reassuring.

It made me feel like he took this ? whatever this was ? as seriously as I did .

I sighed and took a moment to think my reply through. “I just thought it would be easier to give you an out, in case you were being too nice to say so.”

Jihoon tilted his head to the side. “What’s an ‘out’?”

“You know, the opportunity to… walk away?” I couldn’t say ‘end things’ when, as Becka pointed out, there was no ‘thing,’ technically, “?without anyone getting hurt feelings.”

He frowned at me. I was so garbage at explaining this.

“Do you want an ‘out’?” He said the word like it was offensive and I knew I’d mucked this up.

“No,” I said emphatically. How do I fix this?

“Look, Jihoon….” My brain raced, trying to find the words.

I settled on just saying what I felt. “I really like you. I liked spending time with you so much.” I dropped my head, shaking it slightly, like I couldn’t believe I was saying these words out loud.

“It was the best time I’ve had in so long.

” My lips tugged up as I remembered that kiss on the beach.

“But?” he prompted when I didn’t immediately continue.

“But you’re an idol, you live in Korea and I... don’t. Your life is so different to mine.”

“And you’re not okay with that?” I could see in his eyes that I was losing him. His face was as remote as I’d ever seen it, so far removed from the open, smiling Jihoon I’d come to know. My heart sank at the knowledge that I was the reason.

“It’s not that,” I said tentatively. “But I worry it’ll be a problem for you. I worry that I will be a problem for you.”

“You?” His tone is disbelieving, but I thought I saw a hint of a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth.

I groaned and closed my eyes and, without looking at him, I said, “I don’t want you to feel obligated to keep in touch with me just because we had fun together. It’s okay, I’d understand.”

“Kaiya.”

I didn’t open my eyes.

“Ky? Look at me, please.” And damn me, but who could resist that voice? So, I cracked open my eyes as if anticipating a physical blow. But, to my surprise, he was smiling at me.

“So, to be clear,” he said, “you want to keep talking to me, but you’re scared I don’t want to talk to you, because our lives are too different, and I’m just being polite?”

Damn, I should have gotten him to summarise my point earlier.

“I mean… yes?”

“Is that a question?”

“No,” I said, more confidently this time.

“Okay then, let me be clear. I like you, Kaiya. I want to keep talking to you.”

“You do?” I could hardly believe it.

“Yes.” He nodded, his face unexpectedly serious.

“We…” He took a breath and looked away for a moment, before looking back at me.

“It’s not easy to meet people, especially someone that isn’t a part of this world.

” He gestured as if to encompass his surroundings.

“And when we do, sometimes that person just wants the Idol part of us. The persona we are on stage. You don’t make me feel like I need to perform for you. ”

I tucked my hair behind my ear, trying to act causal, even though internally I was anything but. “I’m glad you don’t feel like that with me. That’s what friends are for”

“It’s not just that.” He cut in quickly, like he needed to have this be said. “I have friends, I don’t need more.”

I looked up at him, tilting my head to the side.

“I don’t feel friendly with you,” he admitted, dipping his head down as a blush crept across his cheeks. “I want to be more than your friend.”

The grin that split my face apart would have hurt if my heart hadn’t felt so light. I had to physically resist the urge to roll around my bed and squee, and I would have if I hadn’t been holding the phone.

“Okay?” he asked. “Are we good?”

I nodded vigorously, giddy that I hadn’t tossed this ? whatever ‘this’ was ? down the drain.

“Yes, we’re good. I’m sorry.”

“I’m just relieved,” he said, “I really thought you were telling me to, uh, 'kick rocks’.”

I laughed at his phrasing, an Americanism I’d only heard recently myself .

“As if!” I waved his concern away, but to my surprise, he pressed on.

“No, really. I really thought you never wanted to speak to me again. I couldn’t sleep. I kept trying to think of what I’d done!” He held a hand to his heart, scrunching up his face as if he was in agony and I laughed again.

“I’m sorry, I’ll never do that again.” I held my hand up like I was making a vow, and Jihoon nodded earnestly.

“Good, that’s a promise!”

Just as we were laughing at each other’s silliness, Jihoon’s head snapped around to stare at something out of view. He said something I didn’t understand and nodded his head a few times before he turned back to me.

“I have to go,” he said, looking regretful. “We’re working on something.” He held a finger up to his lips, making a ‘ssh’ face and I grinned.

“I can’t wait to hear it.”

“I’ll message you.” And with a final wave, he’d gone.

It was only after the call had ended, and after I’d pushed my head into the pillow and screeched with glee, and happiness, and all the emotions that bubbled up over, that I realised:

“He called me Ky.”

And I grinned all over again. Nicknames felt that much more... More.

The next day, a massive bouquet of spring flowers arrived, complete with a beautiful cut-glass vase.

“I was just thinking we needed a massive vase for all the flower arrangements we get,” Becka said, bumping my hip with hers as we both stared at the colourful mound of blooms dominating our small kitchenette.

“Extravagant idol, isn’t he?” she added, pretending to sidestep around the spray of flowers to reach the kettle. I couldn’t reply ? I was too busy smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.