Page 64 of A Wistful Symphony
“Robin showed it to a producer friend, and they want to release the song. Someone quite famous would sing it, actually.”
You tilt your head to the side. “I’m thrilled for you, but I don’t see why you needed me to know that.”
“The song is about you, Andrew.” When you don’t reply, I try to explain. “And I would never sell it without your blessing.”
You sit quietly for a long moment. Your chest heaves up and down, and your fingers entwine with the hem of your T-shirt. Just when I think you won’t break the silence, you look straight into my eyes. “Sing it to me, then. There’s a piano right there.”
I swallow hard and peer back into the greenish flecks of your eyes. A few seconds pass without us saying a thing. Getting ahold of myself, I get up and sit by the instrument.
The song from ten years ago starts in a soft cadence.
With tender touches, my fingers caress the ivory keys, weaving the most heartfelt melody.
Your handsome face is reflected on the smooth finish of the piano, gazing at me with the utmost attention.
I cannot look away. And when the time is right, I sing.
Darling, you say you should have loved me better
Y’know that could not be farther from the truth
A heart like yours shines more than golden treasure
A fractured precious stone I long to soothe
I hear your cries in the dead of night
You know they make my ears bleed
I would run to you and hold you tight
If it helps you fall asleep
And it’s okay if you don’t know what’s wrong
I will sing a sweet lullaby until you can carry on
If I could gift my eyes to you, I would
If it makes you see yourself the way I do
And if I could place my heart inside your chest, I would
So you could love yourself the way I do
Mistakes pool on the pavement like January rain
And regrets blow away as leaves in the wind
Apart from you, I hope, body drenched in pain
That someday I will atone for all my sins
And it’s okay if I’m still not feeling well
Maybe, just maybe, by loving you,
I could learn to love myself
If I could gift my eyes to you, I would
If that makes you see yourself the way I do
And if I could place my heart inside your chest, I would
So you could love yourself the way I do
And I would write symphonies about the things you say
Wrap you in a blanket made of falling stars
Put the sun in my pocket to light your gloomy days
And remind yourself of who you are
Darling,
If I could gift my eyes to you, I would
If that makes you see yourself the way I do
And if I could place my heart inside your chest, I would
So you could love yourself the way I do
The last mellow note still echoes when my sweaty palms rest on my thighs. I turn my head to find tears streaming down your face. Our eyes lock for only a moment before you drop them.
“I’ve made many mistakes, Andrew.” I get up, my guts lighter than air.
“Let trauma and insecurities take the best of me. You were going through such a hard time and instead of being supportive and having healthy communication, I made up a story in my head and overreacted to it.” The sigh I heave is so deep, I feel it leave my lungs. “You don’t know how sorry I am.”
You remain silent and I continue, coming closer.
“Don’t get me wrong. This is not me wanting to win you back.
” My fists clench with conviction. “But I wanted you to know you’re worth it, Andrew.
You’re goddamn worth it. You’ve just been bruised too many times and tricked into believing you’re not.
Every time you say you’re not enough, it makes me want to scream, because you’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever met.
And I only hope the next guy can see that.
” I try to smile, but a sad sound leaks out of my nose.
“Anyway, that’s the song. If you think it’s too much, if it’s too personal, don’t worry, because I won’t—”
You get up and put one index finger on my lips. “It’s okay, Eric. Just shut up and kiss me.”
Your mouth comes to mine, the softness of your lips so known and yet so longing.
I close my soaking eyes, and my arms find solace in your body while you tenderly cup my face.
I swear I can hear our song all over again, playing endlessly in my head as our tongues dance with each other in a wistful ballet.
You pull back, not willing to stay more than an inch away. The sweetest of smiles graces your lips as you wipe a single tear that has rolled down my cheek.
There’s a choir of banging and cheering on the door, and we turn to find a sea of tiny excited faces pressed against the glass. We both laugh.
“You sure they should be seeing this?” I ask.
“You’re the one who chose to do this in my classroom.”
I chuckle. “Another one of my many mistakes.”
You softly shake your head. “You’re not the only one who made mistakes, Eric.
I’m the worst at communicating. Kept my troubles to myself and closed off in pain instead of reaching out for help.
I know what being left in the dark can do to you, but it didn’t stop me.
I’m so sorry for putting you through that again.
” You caress my cheek with one thumb. “But I promise I can change. I’ve never felt so whole as in the time we spent together, and I can’t waste another second pretending this isn’t what I want for my life. ”
My smile grows too wide for my cheeks as tears continue to stream down my face. “I promise to be better as well. But it’s a lot of work, it seems. Do you think we can manage all that change?”
“Of course we can.” You mirror my smile. “Together.”
My eyes close as I rest my forehead against yours.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Together.”