Page 43 of A Winter Redemption

Jarne had never cared before. He’d worked hard to build a life centred entirely around his career. Every day, he rose, focused only on his work. There’d been no space for love in it. And now he could only blame himself for what his life was.

He’d built an empty existence. It had been exactly what he wanted.

And the loneliness of it left him aching and shivering.

No wonder Sasha and his parents thought he’d overreacted. His marriage had been one of convenience. One based entirely on their commitment to Greweth Perfumeries. How could Jarne blame Sasha when they’d never talked of love or faithfulness?

He stared at the group. At the family. It felt like he’d spent his whole life out in the snow and cold without noticing it. And now he approached the fire, and the heat stung and scorched his skin.

His vision blurred, and he wiped at his eyes.

Sero leaned down and whispered something in Aryn’s ear. Aryn blushed.

But the last couple of weeks, Jarne had felt something with Ketho. He’d felt more for Ketho than he had for anyone before. And that gave him hope because perhaps he could build a life with love in it. Maybe he could make changes and be more than what he was.

Perhaps there was hope that he could be someone capable of loving others and being loved.

But Ketho had left. Abruptly. With no explanation. His manner had been aloof and cold, the man clearly unhappy with Jarne. He’d left even though they had only a finite amount of time together before the Solstice.

So perhaps it wasn’t true feelings. Perhaps it wasn’t the beginnings of love or anything meaningful.

Perhaps I am just so desperate and alone that I mistook a scrap of affection or kindness for love.Perhaps I have no idea what love feels like. How could I when I have never loved before?

He should retreat to his room in case someone raised their head and saw him across the store.

But he stood frozen. Unable to move. Unable to breathe. And he yearned and wanted. For affection. For love. For people in his life who cared for him.

It was like Jarne had suddenly noticed the gaping hole in his chest where his heart should be. And he didn’t know how to fill it.

ChapterTwenty-Six

“Morning, Aryn,” Jarne said as he approached his brother at the counter.

When he’d first come out of his room, there had been two people in the store. Jarne had waited in the hallway until they’d left before approaching his brother. He wanted to speak to him alone.

Jarne had barely slept the previous night. Thoughts of Ketho mixed with feelings of guilt and self-loathing as he assessed his life and criticised every decision he’d ever made.

He knew he couldn’t continue as he had. But he didn’t know what that meant. The only thing he could think to do was make amends with Aryn. Or at least try.

Aryn looked up. His jaw tightened. Then he frowned. “You look terrible.”

Jarne nodded, unsurprised. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Aryn remained still, staring at Jarne as if expecting some attack.

Jarne tried to think of what to say. He did not know how to go about attempting to make amends. He should have thought of something to say before approaching his brother. He didn’t do small talk or meaningful conversation easily. He couldn’t imagine hugging his brother like he’d seen Mila and Rhorton do.

So what now?

Jarne stood up straight. “You like working here?” Jarne asked, looking around the disordered store.

“I do,” Aryn said. He bristled. “I know it’s not good enough for you. I know it’s not perfume alchemy, and you no doubt think I’m lowering myself considering I could be working with you and the family at Greweth Perfumeries. But I’m happy here, and you can’t make me feel ashamed for leaving.”

“That’s not…” Jarne trailed off. He closed his mouth. Inhaled through his nose. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Aryn expected his criticism, so he saw it in every comment Jarne made.

And Jarne didn’t know how to build a bridge when he’d been the one to burn the first. Maybe it was too late for them. Maybe he’d just have to accept that his brother hated him.

Jarne just wanted to go back to his room. It would be so easy. But he had to try with Aryn. At least once more.