Page 26 of A Whisper Of Desire (The Disgraced Lords #4)

Tears trickled down Marisa’s face and her stomach clenched in anger for this brave woman. “You can’t marry Maitland because you can’t give him a son. You can’t sleep with him because you have the disease.” It was the most heartbreaking story she’d ever heard.

“I couldn’t do that to him, or any future children.

I spoke with the doctors and sometimes the children are born hideously deformed, merely to die relatively quickly, yet painfully.

The risk was too great.” She took back her hand.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I have two beautiful children and I live on the most beautiful estate in all of England. As I said, I am content.”

Marisa was humbled that Priscilla trusted her enough to tell her story.

So much of Maitland’s behavior now made sense.

He was obviously still in love with Priscilla and the guilt he must feel at moving on with his life, wanting a son, and taking a wife .

. . That is what kept him from her bed. No wonder he was in no rush to take her to The Vyne—that was his haven with Priscilla.

Many women would feel pleased to know their husband would never sleep with their lover, but it still felt like the sharp knife of betrayal to know she would always come second in his heart.

“I swear I’m not here to make trouble for you and Maitland. I honestly needed to meet you as soon as possible. I had to see what type of woman you were. I’m in a precarious position, and now you have the power to make my life unbearable.”

“You risked much telling me this story.”

“I like you, but more important, Maitland spoke very highly of your character.”

That rankled. They had discussed her. She looked at the woman sitting like an angel, the sun almost creating a halo upon her head.

She should hate Priscilla, but all she saw was a woman who, through no fault of her own, had had her dreams ripped heinously from her.

“It’s a sad tale. I can’t help but feel sorry for both of you.

Rest assured, your secret is safe with me.

I hope we will be friends, but at the moment it is a lot for me to hear. ”

Priscilla grimaced. “I’m sorry too. Thank you for listening and not hating me. It is more than I had hoped for. I intend to take the girls back to The Vyne at the end of the week. I never meant to intrude on the beginning of your marriage, but you can understand my fear.”

Marisa nodded and stood. “I need to get ready for tonight. The clothing Agatha has made should do the trick.” She walked to the door.

“With this madwoman about, it would be safer for you all in Hampshire, but don’t rush off on my account.

I’m sure the girls would like to see something of London before you leave. ”

“I think it best we leave at the end of the week. I have promised the girls a few days in London. Perhaps you might join us on Thursday for a day at the museum?”

“I’ll see. The late-evening visits to the Top Hat may mean I’m too tired.” She opened the door. “I must see to my hair. Susan believes she has a way to conceal it. I’d hate to cut it off, but if I have to I will. Wish me luck.”

Priscilla stood and raced to hug her. “Stay safe.”

“I intend to.”

When Marisa reached her room she was walking as if in a dream. Priscilla’s story swirled in her head and her stomach churned. Why hadn’t Sebastian told her? It suddenly struck her that Sebastian likely didn’t know the full story.

A serene calmness washed over her. At least now she understood what she was dealing with.

She understood why Maitland kept her at arm’s length.

What she didn’t understand was how she felt about this situation.

She surprised herself, because she really wasn’t angry.

How could she be angry in the face of Priscilla’s situation?

Maitland would never have forced Marisa to marry him if it hadn’t been for the villainess, so she couldn’t hate him either.

Warmth spread through her limbs as she thought about her virile husband. No. She definitely didn’t hate Maitland.

Speaking of desire, the door to their adjoining rooms opened and in walked Maitland. He wore his deep burgundy velvet robe. She glimpsed his bare chest and heat flushed her body; however, he had his trousers and boots on underneath.

“It occurred to me that you and Susan might need my help dressing. Your attire will need to be perfect to fool everyone. A dandy is very specific about his dress.”

“Susan is still pressing my shirt. I’ll need to borrow a cravat; Priscilla doesn’t have one.”

He moved to stand in front of where she still sat at the end of her bed, and looked at her studiously. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No.”

He reached and stroked a finger down her cheek, and she closed her eyes at his touch. “You look sad.” She also looked pale. It was too much to ask of her. To expose her to this club . . . what was he thinking?

“I’m just anxious about tonight.”

Her eyes would not hold his, as if she were trying to conceal something from him. He was so used to the straightforward Marisa that he immediately grew uneasy.

“There is no need to worry, little one. Hadley and Angelo visited the club last night and learned that Angelo is away for a few days. No one knows where he has gone, but we suspect he’s conducting his own inquiries.”

Before Marisa could respond, Susan arrived with her clothes.

“Oh, please excuse me, Your Grace, I didn’t realize you were here. I have the clothes ready.” Susan hurriedly hung them over the privacy screen.

“Excellent.” He pulled Marisa to her feet and began to untie the sash at the front of her robe. She batted his hands away.

“Your Grace, Susan and I can see to my dress.”

He took a surprised step back. He looked at his wife, who only two nights ago stood naked before him without a hint of embarrassment.

It was almost as if she were reluctant to be naked in front of him.

Perhaps it was Susan’s presence. “Susan, would you excuse us? I’ll call you when it is time to dress her hair. ”

Susan looked briefly at Marisa, who simply shrugged.

Once they were alone, Maitland drew from within the deep pocket of his robe a wad of strapping.

“If you’d take off your robe I’ll bind your breasts.

It will be uncomfortable, I’m afraid, but necessary.

” She fidgeted with the sash of her robe.

“Come, little one, you can’t be bashful.

Only two nights ago you stood unashamedly naked before me. ”

Her face flushed to a tinged red. “The most humiliating moment of my life, thank you very much.”

His head jerked back at the depth of misery in her voice. He moved toward where she still stood, but she turned her back on him. He looked at her hunched frame and shame paid him a visit. He gently turned her to face him.

“The embarrassment should be mine. I was too tired to do justice to the pleasure you offered me.”

She studied him, assessing his words. Something flashed deep within her beautiful hazel eyes—distrust. “Priscilla told me your story. She told me why you could not, and still cannot, be together. It must be torturous to love someone but be unable to be with them.” She reached up and cupped his face.

“There is no need to lie to me anymore, but I am not sure I can forgive you for misleading me, especially when you knew how important finding love is to me.”

“I never misled you. I told you I don’t believe in love.”

She frowned. “You’re in love with Priscilla.”

He almost laughed until he saw the devastation on Marisa’s face.

He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly.

“You silly . . . Priscilla will always be special to me. I thought I loved her once and I would have married her all those years ago if she had agreed. I’m sure we would have been happy.

But she is not the love of my life. Do you think I would let her condition stop me marrying her if I truly loved her? ”

“You need a son.”

“If I loved a woman, nothing, nothing, would stop me marrying her. A son be damned.”

Marisa’s sniffles stopped. She lifted her head from his chest to look at him. “You truly do not love her?”

“I love her like I love Sebastian. She is a dear, dear friend, that is all. Part of me also feels guilt for what my father did to her, to us.”

“You cannot carry the blame for something you did not do.”

“Tell that to our villainess.”

Marisa sighed. “I hate that woman.”

“I also carry the blame for feeling relieved that she chose to marry my father. It set me free.”

Marisa hugged him harder and sighed. “She’s still in love with you. She admitted it. She thinks you love her too.”

“Is there any harm in that? She’s had enough misery in her life. Surely we can let her keep that illusion.”

Marisa pulled out of his hold and wiped the tears from her face. “You know of her feelings?”

“I’m the only man she trusts, the only man she sees regularly, and, on occasion, the man she shares a house with. Is it hardly surprising she still loves me? I don’t encourage it. I simply choose not to address the issue.”

“Now that you’ve married me, perhaps it is time. If we grow close, it will only hurt her.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know how to tell her that she would be no more important to him than Priscilla, and God help her if she was. He’d never let himself fall in love. His father’s slide into debauchery started when he fell in love with Maitland’s mother.

“Perhaps your words have merit. I’ll talk with her after we catch our villain. There is no point upsetting her before she returns to The Vyne. This is her first trip to London in ten years.”

“You’re very kind, do you know that?” She studied him for a minute, then undid the sash holding her robe closed and let it drop to the floor. “If you are not in love with her, or any other woman, why is it you find it so easy to resist me?”