Page 47

On an unseasonably cloudless day not long after Lady Beatrix’s invitation to tea, Colonel Fitzwilliam came to call at Gracechurch Street, asking if he might escort Elizabeth on a walk in Hyde Park.

She readily agreed, for while Mrs Gardiner was out visiting, one of the Gardiner’s maids could accompany them as a chaperone.

“Thank you for agreeing to this impromptu outing, Miss Bennet. I trust you had a pleasant time at my mother’s house?” he asked.

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, it was most enjoyable. And I had a lovely time talking with your cousin, Miss Darcy.”

“Yes, I am glad she had someone nearer her own age to converse with. She is shy, but you could not hope to meet a dearer girl. I believe Darcy hopes she will make some good friends while she is in Town. It has been — err — difficult for her as of late.”

Elizabeth need not wonder about the incident to which he was referring. “She told me of some of her struggles. I hope she may think of me as a friend from now on.”

Colonel Fitzwilliam’s face lit up. “She would be most glad of the friendship, I can assure you. Indeed, when I saw her that evening, she was still speaking of the tea and how she enjoyed your company immensely.”

Elizabeth was glad to hear it. They soon arrived at the park, and the maid trailed a few yards behind them as they walked, keeping a close watch.

Colonel Fitzwilliam clasped his hands behind his back as they walked, seeming rather nervous.

“I always love this walk,” he said. “It is especially nice, since you are here.”

Elizabeth’s cheeks warmed slightly. “It is a lovely day, isn’t it? At first, when I came to London, I was not sure I would like it. It can be quite loud and, well, not to mention the soot —”

They shared a laugh. “Yes, that is quite a lot to get used to. But there is so much to do. Have you enjoyed the theatre and the art showings?”

“I have,” she replied. “There is a great deal to occupy one’s time and mind.”

The colonel quieted for a moment, slowing his pace. He turned to her. “I hope I might be one of the things that has occupied your mind. You certainly do mine.”

He was flirting with her! That much was beyond a doubt — and even as Elizabeth felt a sudden shock of certainty and surprise, she thought she ought not to have been surprised at all.

His attentions had been too pointed to mistake, with only the degree of seriousness left uncertain.

And while she was flattered, she did not feel the spark that she should have.

“I — thank you,” Elizabeth said, hardly knowing how to respond.

She gave a nervous laugh, and they continued walking.

Something was wrong. Colonel Fitzwilliam ought to have been perfect for her.

He was charming, intelligent, and handsome.

He had lived an adventurous life, to be sure, serving in the regulars.

He was a man of much conversation and information and would never be boring.

And then, of course, there were his familial connections.

She did not much care about advancing her social standing, but as the younger son of an earl, he certainly enjoyed an elevated rank in society.

She should have been thrilled that he was showing interest in her.

So why wasn’t she?

It was strange, but true. Elizabeth knew down to her bones that there could be nothing between them, not really. She saw him as a friend, she concluded, and that was all.

The reason was one she would have given much not to know. It was only too absurd. No matter what she did, she could not seem to stop thinking about Mr Darcy and his confession of love for her.

It was only too ridiculous. After rejecting his warnings and his love in the coldest manner, she now felt she was little short of falling in love with him.

The respect she had come to have for his intelligence and his principles, the respect he had shown in return for hers — it was natural, perhaps, that her sentiments might change under such weighty persuasions, and only a shame that it was likely to bring her nothing but pain.

It was surely too late for them. He could not possibly still love her after being pushed aside so harshly.

“Miss Bennet?”

She turned to him and snapped out of her reverie. “Ah, yes, Colonel? Forgive me, I drifted off for a moment.”

He smiled. “It is easy to do on a day such as this,” he replied. “I was asking if you would consider being my particular escort to the Great Assembly Rooms at Soho? Doubtless you have heard of the masquerade ball to be held there. I hear it will be the event of the Season.”

Her heart fluttered with nervousness. He likely mistook her silence for excitement and went on. “It can be no secret that I enjoy your company — and your beauty.” He stopped on the path and took her hand, pressing it to his chest. “Do you think our relationship might become more serious?”

Her heart thundered in her chest, and she gently took her hand away from his.

She looked down at her feet, at the surrounding landscape — anywhere but his eyes.

She hated that it had come to this, but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was not the man for her.

“Forgive me, Colonel. I regret to say that it cannot. Please understand, I hold you in the highest and fondest regard, but only as a friend.” She took a steadying breath, expecting him to be angry or hurt.

She finally met his gaze, and saw pain and confusion there, but also understanding.

“Much as I respect and like you, I do not think I would be a very good wife to you.”

“How can you say so?” he asked. “We get along, do we not? And you say that you see me as a friend. That is the first, and possibly the most important, step to consider when embarking on this journey of matrimony.” His face fell.

No doubt he could see from her expression that she was quite serious.

“Are you certain you would not like to have a few days to consider?”

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment only. But she knew in her heart that whether she stalled for a few hours, days, or even weeks, her answer would not change.

For reasons unknown to her, Mr Darcy filled her mind and heart, and there did not seem to be anything she could do about it.

“I am most sorry, Colonel Fitzwilliam. It would not be fair for me to give you anything less than the truth of my heart. I know I shall always carry a fond regard for you and for the friendship that has blossomed between us. But it can be nothing more than that.”

He nodded, looking badly downtrodden. “I understand.” He gave a weak smile. “Well, I will not pretend that I am not disappointed. But I am not one to beg.” He offered her his arm, and they continued their stroll through the park.

Elizabeth smiled to herself, thinking she might have known that the gallant Colonel Fitzwilliam would act nobly even in the face of disappointment. He had taken her rejection like a gentleman, without so much as a word of recrimination. She breathed a sigh of relief. She had done it.

When they had made the entire loop of Hyde Park, and were again at the carriage, Elizabeth was glad twice over that there had been no ill feelings expressed between them. It would have made the ride home most awkward.

During the return ride, Colonel Fitzwilliam showed his good breeding once again. He treated her as if nothing had happened, save for being a little more reserved. “Will I see you at the Soho Assembly?”he asked at last.

“You will,” she replied. “I am quite looking forward to it, actually. It is a masked ball, I believe you said?”

“It is. Have you ever been to a masquerade?”

“I confess, I have not. But I have always dreamed of attending such an event. It is all quite exciting,” she said.

Elizabeth reproached herself for the real subject of her excitement — the thought that Mr Darcy might be there, and they might dance.

However graceful his cousin might be in the face of disappointment, that was surely too much to expect of any man.

She had Mr Darcy’s respect and friendship in a manner that might have changed the whole course of her life, in exposing Mr Wickham’s true character.

That was in itself an admirable degree of forgiveness for her slight.

To hope for still more would be the height of folly.

When they arrived at the house on Gracechurch Street, Colonel Fitzwilliam insisted on getting out and handing her down. “May I still request a dance at the Assembly, as a token of our friendship?”

Elizabeth smiled into his kind eyes and nodded. “Of course, Colonel. I would be most pleased and honoured to dance with you.”

Her reply seemed to lighten his spirits a bit. “It is I who am honoured, Miss Bennet.” He bowed and started to climb back into the carriage as she made her way up the steps. When she reached the landing, he called out to her. “Miss Bennet?”

“Yes?” She turned, curious what more there could be to say.

“I should like to ask one more question about why you have refused me, if I may. Is there someone else?” he asked.

She was taken aback, astonished by the personal question. Would it be better to tell a white lie to spare his feelings, or tell him the truth?

The truth won out in the end, and she came down the steps once more to look inside the carriage window. “It is,” she said simply. “I did not mean for it to happen, Colonel. I would not have hurt you for anything in the world.”

He waved her off. “All is well, Miss Bennet. I thank you for having the courage to tell me sooner rather than later.” He turned away, and she could see that he was battling his emotions. “I wish you, and whoever he is, all the best.”

“Thank you,” she said heartily, and stepped back as the carriage began to roll away. She watched him go until he had disappeared down the cobbled street, then turned and went into the house, where her aunt awaited her.

“Well?” Mrs Gardiner asked excitedly.

Elizabeth shook her head. “I assume the maid told you what happened?”

“The only thing she said was that he seemed very carried away with his feelings. Has he proposed?”

Elizabeth took off her gloves, hat, and wrap, and they walked into the drawing room where they would have more privacy from listening ears. Her aunt closed the door and came to sit beside her on the settee. “Well?” she asked again.

“He did propose, in a manner of speaking. He asked if our relationship had any chance of turning toward that of a more serious nature.” She sighed and looked at her aunt with a mixture of sadness and relief. “I told him it could not.”

Her aunt sat back, dumbfounded. “No? You told him no?”

“I did,” Elizabeth replied. “Just as with Mr Wickham, I cannot see myself married to him, although I esteem him as a good friend. He took it well.” Hopefully, it had not been for show.

He had asked her for a dance, after all.

If he had been angry, he would not have done that.

“We parted as friends. Indeed, I think we shall have him as a friend for the rest of our lives. He handled everything with poise and grace.”

Aunt Gardiner leaned back and let out a breath.

“Well, if you are sure, Lizzy. I must confess, I am astonished. I did not think he was ready to settle down, and here we clearly see he is ready to take a wife. He is such a fine gentleman, and one I could so readily call worthy even of my favourite niece. Are you quite certain he is not the one?”

“I am,” she replied. Thankfully, her aunt asked her no more about it, leaving her to consider her feelings for Mr Darcy in silence. The only question now was whether she had wholly ruined her chances with that gentleman, or if he might somehow forgive her — might even still love her.