Page 27 of A Warrior's Heart

“The man who hurt you all those years ago,” she softly said. “He is gone, yet he still haunts you. I see it in your eyes. I see it in the way you flinch away from people and refuse their touch. And here you are now, not letting yourself be loved out of fear. Keeping it locked away will never set you free.”

Memories returned of the man’s breath on my neck, the gruff sound of his voice as he whispered in my ear, and I jerked up from the chair, shoving her away from me as a flight response kicked in. Chills spread along my skin and my stomach churned.

“Varun cannot hurt you anymore,” she said. “Do not let him take your freedom. Your love.”

Varun.

As his name filled my head, so did the memory of his rough hands on me, hands that had held me down by my wrists and pinned me to my bed.

“Don’t say his name!” I yelled, my entire body shaking.

“Troy—”

“No.” I put my hand up as she stepped toward me. “I…” Every muscle in my body trembled, and I bumped into the table behind me, accidentally knocking an empty vial to the floor. The way the glass shattered echoed that of my very soul as I confronted the memories I’d shoved to the back of my mind. Tears welled in my eyes. “I need air.”

I ran for the door, throwing it open before bursting out into the sunlight. Panic gripped my throat as the tears in my eyes finally started to fall.

“Troy?” Lorcan asked from his spot on the deck where he was running his fingers through Alek’s hair. “Are you well?”

Even when outside, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. Lorcan came toward me, while Malik approached from the other side. The two people I trusted most in this world couldn’t even make me feel safe right then. The edges of my vision began to dim, and my head spun. I searched for an escape.

And then I saw the crystal blue water.

I dashed toward the railing and leapt off the ship. As I crashed through the water’s surface and sunk to the depths, my body began to transform. My legs extended and fused into a violet tail. Red fins sprouted from my forearms. I breathed deep and opened my eyes to see the sun breaking through the top of water.

Freedom. Safety.

That’s what the sea gave me.

A large shadow drifted overhead as the ship passed me by. I spun in the tropical water, reveling in the feel of it on my skin, before taking off swimming. I didn’t know where I was going. I just needed to swim as hard and fast as possible. To escape my thoughts for a while.

A splash sounded from behind me.

“Troy!” Malik shouted, his voice slightly muffled beneath the waves.

I propelled faster through the water. But I should’ve known better. I couldn’t outswim him. He caught up to me in seconds, his massive orange and green tail pressing to mine as he wrapped his arms around me.

“Release me!” I tried to shove him away, and he only held me tighter. I slapped at him, elbowed him in the ribs, and yanked at his hair.

“Calm yourself, young one,” he whispered in my ear. Unlike the whispers of Varun, Malik’s didn’t frighten me. They did the opposite. “You’re safe.”

I stopped fighting and slumped against him, burying my face against his neck in the way I always did when I needed his comfort. We floated in place, me nestled in his strong arms. Sobs shook my body, and with each tremble, Malik pressed his lips to my temple.

“I’ve got you.”

“I want to be free of him,” I cried, my tears mixing with the water. “But just when I think I’ve moved on, he’s in my head. In my dreams.”

Malik didn’t need me to say more. He knew who I spoke of.

“If I could kill him again, I would,” Malik growled, resting his head on mine.

I pulled back, stunned. “You’re the one who killed him? I never knew.”

The memory of that night returned to me.

Lorcan heard me crying and had busted into my room to find Varun on top of me. When Lorcan yelled for help, Malik had appeared seconds later and flung Varun off the bed. He’d punched him so hard I’d heard Varun’s nose crunch. Then, Varun was taken before King Triton. I’d heard he was beheaded in the throne room, but I didn’t see it with my own eyes. I had shut down completely.

What I remembered most about that time was how I felt I could never get clean enough. I had scrubbed myself raw repeatedly. Fortunately, Lorcan had found me before Varun could do more than grope and undress me—no penetration—but I couldn’t forget the feel of his hands on me.