Page 41
V iolet felt as though her head was spinning. She was lying flat on a bed while Nicholas paced around the room in front of her.
Nicholas. Nicholas!
She shot up in her bed immediately.
“What are you doing?” He was by her side in an instant. “You need to be resting. Lay back down.”
Violet blinked, unable to ascertain whether the scene in front of her was real or just a figment of her imagination.
Yes, she had seen Nicholas right before she had fainted. But that could well have been her imagination, considering how often she thought about him anyway.
“Violet,” he warned once again as he gently tried to push her down on the mattress. His touch sent a spark through her entire body.
No. This was definitely the real him.
“You have no right to tell me what to do,” she fought back stubbornly, sitting up even straighter now.
“I am only doing it for your own good,” he said.
“And why do you always assume you know what is good for me?” She narrowed her eyes.
Seeing him again after a week had brought out an anger inside of her that was hard to control.
“Violet…” Nicholas sighed, taking a seat at the edge of the bed now. “You fainted out there. Do you really think that this is the time for us for be arguing like this?”
“Oh.” Violet’s cheeks turned red at the revelation. So that was what had happened.
“I am perfectly fine now, Nicholas. Forgive me. The shock of seeing you again was simply too much for me.”
Nicholas shot her a look. “I don’t think that is all there is to the story. You look like you have not had a proper meal in a long time.”
“Perhaps that is not a terrible thing. I may finally look like the women you missed dearly during your time at the estate,” she snapped.
She did not know where all of this bitterness was coming from, but she could not stop herself either.
Nicholas’ eyes widened. “What on earth are you talking about?”
Violet let out a mirthless laugh. Trust him to play so innocent. “No need to dwell on it,” she said bitterly. “Though, this is not how I anticipated my evening would go. One moment I was talking to Duke Evan and the next…”
“He should be careful next time,” Nicholas interjected, angrily. “I was polite enough this time that I let him off without saying anything since I was too worried about you. But he should think twice before having the audacity to talk to my wife.”
His words were so possessive that they sent a shiver down her spine. But she knew better this time than to get her hopes up.
“Your wife ?” she questioned. “Is that what I am now to you?”
Nicholas’ jaw tightened. “That is what you have always been.”
“Some of us do not take the meaning of words lightly. Please do not refer to me as such when you left me alone at the estate.” Her anger flared the more she spoke, and she had to try hard to keep her voice from cracking.
“As you said, you did not wish to adjust to the life of a husband. It should not be so easy for you to refer to me as your wife whenever you wish to.”
Nicholas looked taken aback. If he had not expected her to react in this manner, then he had surely been foolish.
“You’re angry at me,” he said after a long silence.
“How kind of you to notice,” she said.
It was only half the truth. Foremost, she had been hurt by him. But it was easier to admit her anger than it was to admit her hurt.
“I do not blame you,” he sighed. “You are well within your rights to be angry at me like this. After what I did, I surely deserve it.”
The vulnerability in his voice disarmed her, and when she spoke again, her tone had less of a harsh edge to it.
“Why are you here, Nicholas?” she asked, searching his eyes for some sort of an answer that he refused to give to her in words.
Was it not enough that she had to live without him?
Did he really have to torment her like this by showing up to places where she was going to be?
“You only give me false hope by… showing up like this, by pretending that you care about me.”
“It is not pretend,” he corrected her swiftly.
“It is unfair,” she countered.
Nicholas felt silent.
“It is,” he conceded after what felt the longest silence between them to date. “It is my fault that I trapped you in this marriage with me. You should not have to live like this.”
Violet felt her stomach drop as she realised the direction that this was going.
“I do not wish to keep you chained in this marriage. Therefore…” He drew in a sharp breath. “… I will give you a divorce so that you may be free of me once and for all.”
No no no. This was the last thing she had wanted to hear.
All her anger evaporated as she tried to come to grip with the idea of losing him. Permanently. It felt like too much to bear.
“Nicholas…”
“As for your life after me, I can pledge to take financial responsibility for you even if you find someone else. That way your future shall be secure, and you shall not have to remarry for money,” he continued.
“Stop this,” she said abruptly. “You do not mean this, do you?”
“I am only looking out for what is best for you,” he argued. “And this might be what is the best for you.”
“A divorce?” She laughed almost bitterly. “What woman is happy getting a divorce?”
Nicholas didn’t answer. She pressed on, the anger and frustration boiling over. “Is this meant to be some grand sacrifice? Do you think you’re being noble by pushing me away?”
His jaw tightened, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “I trapped you in this marriage, Violet. A marriage you never wanted. And now I’m giving you an out. It would be in your best interest to take it.”
“And what about yourself?” she pressed, stepping out of the bed. “Is this meant for you as well? Do you get to free yourself through this divorce as well?”
He did not answer. Violet took it as a sign to continue on. “I refuse to let you make decisions that affect the both of us like this. You didn’t trap me. I could have spent the rest of my days as a spinster, but I chose you.”
“That doesn’t mean it was right,” he shot back, his voice sharp with self-loathing. “You were forced into it, Violet. You didn’t have a real choice. And now, because of me, you’re stuck.”
“Stuck?” she repeated, incredulous. “Do I look stuck to you? Do I look like someone who wants to leave?”
“You deserve more. You deserve someone who can give you what you need—someone who can love you the way you want to be loved.”
Violet froze, her heart twisting at his words. She had never seen him like this before, so raw and vulnerable. For all his arrogance and composure, this was a man who was terrified—of her, of himself, of the emotions he clearly couldn’t control.
“And you think you can’t?” she asked softly, taking a hesitant step toward him. “You think you’re incapable of loving me?”
He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “I know I am. I saw what love did to my parents. It destroyed them, Violet. They loved each other so much it consumed them, turned them into people they didn’t want to be. I can’t do that to you. I won’t.”
Violet’s heart ached at the pain in his voice. She wanted to reach out to him, to tell him he was wrong, but he kept going, his words tumbling out like a confession.
“I can’t be the man you need,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t give you what you deserve. And the longer I stay, the more I’ll hurt you. So please, let me go. Let me do this one thing for you.”
She stared at him, her breath catching in her throat. It was in that moment that she realized just how much he was trying to protect her—not from himself but from the depth of his feelings. He thought he was sparing her, when in reality, he was breaking her heart.
“You’re a fool,” she said finally, her voice trembling but resolute.
His head snapped up, his eyes widening at her words. “What?”
“You’re a fool, Nicholas,” she repeated, stepping closer to him. “You think you’re protecting me by leaving? You think you’re sparing me some great pain? You’re wrong. You’re hurting me more by pushing me away.”
“Violet—”
“No,” she cut him off, her voice growing stronger. “You don’t get to make this decision for me. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me when you don’t even know what I want.”
“And what is it that you want?” he asked quietly, his tone filled with disbelief.
“You. I want only you,” she stammered, “because… I love you.”
Nicholas stared at her, his breath catching as the weight of her words settled between them. For a moment, he looked as if he didn’t know what to do, his eyes darting to hers and then away as though he were afraid of what he might see there.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. “You think you do, but you don’t. Love… it’s not enough, Violet.”
“And why do you get to decide that?” she challenged, her voice steady now. “Why do you get to determine what I need or want? I’m standing here, telling you what I feel, and yet you refuse to hear me.”
He clenched his fists at his sides, his jaw tightening as he struggled to keep himself composed.
“Because I know what happens when love becomes a weapon. When it destroys everything it touches. I watched it happen, Violet. My parents loved each other once, but I saw firsthand how that turned out for them.”
“You’re not your parents,” she said gently, stepping closer to him. “And neither am I. Whatever happened to them—it doesn’t have to happen to us.”
“You don’t understand?—”
“Then help me understand!” she interrupted, her voice breaking.
“Help me understand why you’re so determined to push me away when we could have something real.
I have never felt this way about anyone before.
And yet you refuse me as though it is nothing.
Nicholas, you’re not protecting me. You’re protecting yourself. ”
Her words hit him like a blow, and he took a step back, but Violet refused to stand down.
Table of Contents
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