Page 46 of A Vow To Chase
“What?”
“You said you loved me.”
I frown. “I do.”
The smile broadens on his face. That’s it. No other words. No discussion. Seems those words are enough for him. I look at that smile now we’re alone, remembering it in all the times we’ve been together. He never uses it with anyone else. Only me that I know of. It’s softer than his usual look – less fearsome. Still, that doesn’t mean he’s sweeping me off my feet and down an aisle.
“You talked about going too far once. Better to go too far than not far enough, do you remember?”
“Yes.”
“Well, this is too far for you, Malachi. We’re not the same people, and you can’t do what I would expect from a marriage.” I sigh and walk closer to him, part wishing he could. “If you’re thinking about this, I need you toreallythink about it. Just me, Malachi. For the rest of your life. Alonglife at that. Me being here for you as part of a deal we made is one thing, but marriage, before God, and all that comes with that is a whole different story. No fucking anyone else. No games. No anything but honesty and respect. Look at me. Really look. Can you honestly say I’m that woman for you?”
There’s suddenly a world of silence between us. I look out into the rain, watching as it falls heavier and starts bouncing from the ground. I don’t even know why I’m waiting for an answer because we both know the truth of it. I am, or have been, a crutch for him. Perhaps he has been for me, too. And maybe that is love in some way, but it’s not marriage material type of love. It’s something else – something weird and cruel and freaky and beautiful in its own right, but it’s not for children. And it’s not for God either.
He knows it as well as I do.
I sigh and kick a puddle on the floor, unsure what else to say or think. Time to go probably. Time for us all to get back on with our lives without each other.
“Have you finished?”
“What else is there to say?” I mutter, staring at my broken reflection in the water. “I guess this is done now. Thank you, though. I’ll never forget-”
“The priest is waiting.”
My head shoots up. “Haven’t you heard a word I’ve been saying?”
He gets the box out of his pocket and opens it, showing me a ring encased in velvet. It’s exquisite. All diamonds and rubies. Probably platinum. “I heard every word. I haven’t changed my mind. Get your ass in that church before I’m forced to carry you in there.” My eyes widen. “You have my respect, Alice. Have done for a while now. Children? Fine. Monogamy? Fine. But I hope you understand what that will mean for you because I’m not agreeing to the games part. Anything else?”
“Fine? You think we can discuss children with an answer like fine?”
“You’re beginning to rile me the wrong way. Choose better.”
“Fuck you.”
He grins, then laughs. “Angry little Alice.” The laughter ebbs away to a quiet murmur, his smile finally turning to a flat daze of indifference. He nods to himself and looks around, a sigh falling out of him. “I don’t know why you question your worth to me. Or why you question my feelings for you.” Perhaps because he’s him, and I’m me, and our start has been so unconventional I can’t process this point yet. “You shouldn’t. You mean everything to me, Alice. Every minute, in fact. Eternally.” He places the box on the floor between us, lets that piece of fuck knows how much settle itself in the puddles and dirt of these streets “But run if you must, Alice. Go. We can be done if that’s what you want. None of this should need explanation.”
“Done?”
“Yes. If that’s what you want. You’re free to leave.” Silence.
The words are left hanging there, as if asking me to challenge them. I wish I knew how I felt about that, about life out here without him in it now I’m free of people hunting me. I don’t. I haven’t had enough time to process that either. He hasn’t given me any on my own without him.
He turns and looks back at the bike in the road, his head tilting at the door to the church. “I’m going in that church, where I’m going to wait for you to make a choice rather than force this situation. I hope that’s enough respect for you.”
And then he’s walking off, and I’m staring at a ring.
Chapter 21
Malachi
There’s no one else here. Just her brothers, Gray and Hannah, and a priest. It’s exactly the way I want it. It was different last time. There was fanfare and elite society and everything my mother and father could buy. I was in a tux. She was in a long white dress. It couldn’t have been more of a lie if it tried. No love. No reality. No trust.
My father schemed. My mother dreamed. My wife promised.
All lies.
I wander along the aisle, looking at all the empty seats in the old church and lodging my hands in my jeans pockets. It’s as it should be, because there is no one else in this world I need. We’ll be alone, finding our own journey through this life I now choose to live. None of this is a lie. It’s a vow. A real pledge that comes from my heart. I don’t care that she’s not from the right family for my standing, nor do I give a fuck if the world I reside in shows me scorn because of her. In fact, I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever reside in it in quite the same way as I did before her.