Page 45 of A Touch of Gold and Madness (Celestials of Arcadia #1)

Chapter 44

Gray

A month had officially passed since my arrival at the Hollow, and I still hadn’t read the letter that Orion gave me all those weeks ago.

I held my mother’s letter, rotating it between my fingers. My heart raced at the idea of finally opening it.

In my lap sat my sketchpad and a pencil, a drawing in progress of Chrome. Shamed soured my stomach as I glanced at it, reality hitting hard how it wasn’t Slate I was drawing. Pages and pages of Slate’s face filled my sketchpad, especially since his death. I drew him to make sure I never forgot what he looked like, to ingrain his face in my memory. Each one had a tiny bit more detail than the last.

But here I sat, drawing another man. I felt sick.

Slamming the sketchpad shut, I dropped it to the floor.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I leaned forward in my cozy chair by the built-in bookshelf of my room, elbows resting on my knees as I studied the envelope and my Elemental name in elegant script. I slid a finger in the sealed lip’s gap, moving to slide it across. But I stopped.

I couldn’t do it. Fear wouldn’t let me .

Jumping from my seat, I raced through the dimly lit hallway to Orion’s office. I needed to know more about my mother. I wanted her only words to me to mean something, to feel tangible. And Orion was the best source for that.

I beat my fist on the door, the letter clutched in my other hand. Orion swung the door open. His face twisted in confusion. “Gray, what’s wrong?” he asked, dropping his gaze to the envelope in my hand.

“I can’t open it,” I said, breathless. “I can’t fucking open it.”

A look of understanding crossed his face as he ushered me inside. “Come in.”

I dropped my shoulders and let out a breath before entering his office. “When I open this, I want to feel connected to her, ya know? Like I can imagine her saying the words written here. Once I read it, I can’t read it for the first time again. So, I want to make it right.”

“I completely understand. I’m glad you came to me.” He moved behind his desk and reached for the framed photos that sat there, facing him. “As I’ve said before, she was very beautiful,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.

I walked over to him and took the frame, studying the three individuals that were the focus. It was the one I saw the first night of my arrival. A slightly younger and much happier Orion was in it, as well as a man I presumed to be King Jonah and then my mother, Queen Lilliana.

She had light blonde hair and blue eyes. Aside from her gilded skin, her eyes were electric blue with white zig-zag lines within, resembling lightning strikes. “She was a highly skilled storm wielder. A very rare elemental ability,” Orion explained.

“She could create storms?”

“Yes. Only the most powerful and skilled water elementals can create rain. But nothing else outside of it.” Orion rubbed his freshly shaved jaw, giving him an even more youthful look. “But your mother? She could summon lightning with high winds. She could even rain down hail and shards of ice.”

“What about her and Jonah? Were they happy together? ”

Orion smiled, but it was pained. “They were. Jonah loved her with his whole heart. He cherished the ground she walked on.” Longing filled his sea-green eyes. “As she did with him.”

My heart squeezed as realization hit me. “You were in love with her, too. Weren’t you?”

Orion looked hesitant, then gave a resigned nod. He exhaled. “Yeah, I was. She never knew. She had always been destined for Jonah, ever since we were kids.”

“Oh, Orion,” I said. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his torso. He returned the hug.

“It’s okay. Please don’t pity me, Gray. I accepted that fate many years ago as I watched them fall for each other as teens. All I’d ever wanted was for her happiness. And she was happy. Which brought me joy to see.”

“Your feelings never got in the way of you and Jonah? Did he know?”

Orion took a moment before answering. “If he did, he never let on. I did my best to keep my feelings to myself, just trying to be supportive of his ascension to the throne. I always did better in the background. They were both outgoing; I was more introverted. And I liked it that way. Our father raised us for our roles, but we’d always been close growing up. Did I secretly wish Lilly would see the light and admit her nonexistent feelings for me? Every single day and night. But I never resented them because they were happy and fulfilling their destiny.”

Tears filled my eyes for the silent suffering that Orion must’ve endured for so long. “Oh, gods. I can’t imagine what you went through when they were taken.”

Orion’s throat bobbed from a thick swallow. “It was excruciating,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I couldn’t… save them. I godsdamned tried, though.”

My heart broke for him. “I know you did.”

“We were best friends, Lilly and I. She trusted and relied on me. And I failed her.” His voice cracked, shattering my heart with it. I squeezed him tighter to try to provide some form of comfort .

“No, you didn’t. You did what she probably would’ve wanted you to do. You took care of our people, protecting them. Because of you, Elementals didn’t face extinction at my father’s hands.”

Orion nodded, then shifted to grab some more photos from within his desk drawer. “Take these. Get to know her. She would be so proud of you.”

Guilt sank inside. I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I’ve killed too many Elementals, and I fell for Forest’s bullshit…”

“Stop that. She would be proud of you. Not for your deeds but for your compassionate heart despite what you’ve been conditioned to be. You have her empathy and fierce nature. You are most definitely more her daughter than Forest’s.”

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks at the unfairness of it all. How she’d been taken from me before I ever had the chance to get to know her. To love her. To be loved. But if I couldn’t make one parent proud, maybe I could make the other. One much more deserving.

I pulled away just enough to put some distance between us. “I don’t think I apologized for almost depleting you that day. I’m so sorry. If Chrome hadn’t…”

“Shh.” Orion shook his head, his light hair flopping from side to side. “It’s okay. It happens sometimes. And you’re still so new to the Elemental part of you. No one faults you. Depleting someone could happen to any of us, no matter how experienced we are.”

“I’d never have forgiven myself if I’d killed you. You’ve been nothing but kind and warm to me since I arrived. All of you have. And it’s the first time I’ve ever truly experienced it.” His sympathetic gaze had me looking away. I knew he wasn’t pitying me, but I hated how weak I appeared.

“I know. And if I could’ve saved Lilly, I could’ve saved you from such trauma. I live with that guilt. In a way, I felt like it was deserved.”

“What? Orion, you can’t seriously…”

“I do. Just know that I don’t hold that episode against you in any way. We’ve all had some close calls. ”

I reflected on River’s comments in the library the other day, how she’d said the same thing. How she admitted she’d almost depleted her younger brother once. But still, the guilt ate at me, anyway.

I wiped my cheeks, sniffling. “Thank you. For these,” I said, waving the pictures. “And for being there.”

Long-carried sadness glistened in Orion’s eyes. I wished I could help ease him of his guilt in some way, but I knew that it would be a path that only he could travel to find his inner peace.

Darkness consumed the hallway when I finally left Orion’s office. My path was only illuminated by the coolness of my currents.

I still clutched the letter as I took my time returning to my room. The anxiety about reading my mother’s letter had eased since my talk with Orion. In its place came heartache that I would never meet her.

Orion assured me I shouldn’t feel guilty for his near-fatal incident in training, but I couldn’t help it. Orion had grown into a father figure in the brief time I’d been here. He was my only real link to my mother. The thought of killing someone who genuinely wanted to help me made my stomach feel full of acid.

Thinking over the events, of course, brought back the memory of Chrome stopping me from committing an act that I couldn’t return from. I recalled how he’d wielded my magic as if it were his own. The way he’d held me against him as if to protect me from myself made it feel like a baby bird took flight beneath my ribs. Which was why I’d been avoiding him the past week.

Well, I hadn’t completely avoided him. We still trained together, but I kept my distance enough to where his devolution symptoms wouldn’t return.

I couldn’t bring myself to let him in. It was as though the Great Wall of Slate stood between us .

While the gaping hole in my heart that Slate left behind was beginning to mend, I still couldn’t allow myself to move on yet. It had been almost two years now. I knew I should move on because he wasn’t coming back, but I was scared to let go.

On the other hand, being at the Hollow was doing wonders for my soul. It was the safety to heal while shedding my old skin and stepping into a newer and better version of myself. It would take time to undo a lifetime of trauma, but I felt better already.

The dim, warm light against the dark wooden walls wrapped me in a homey embrace. Soft voices sounded in the distance, most likely a few night owls lazing downstairs in the lounge.

However, there was a beautiful, somber melody floating to me through the night, almost calling me to follow it home. Slow, drawn-out notes of a violin soared high before dropping low and then ratcheting back up into a manic crescendo that built and built, inflicting a sense of a spiraling madness within.

As if in a trance, the music guided my feet toward its origin. I came to stop, finding myself outside of a bedroom with the door cracked a few inches.

I pushed it open, intent on finding the source of this emotional piece that resonated so deeply within me. My breath caught in my throat when I spotted Chrome sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes closed, and brows pinched low, hunched over his instrument as he sawed away at his violin.

The music soared from his hands and fingertips that glided in a blur, keeping pace with his emotions. Before I knew it, he’d brought it back down to the slower, somber notes that drew moisture to my eyes.

I sniffled, and the music stopped. Chrome snapped his head toward the door, eyes wide in surprise. He remained frozen on the bed. Shirtless .

I opened my mouth and closed it, feeling like a creep standing in his doorway with him unaware. “Sorry. I heard the music and couldn’t help myself,” I explained, not sure if I was helping my case or hurting it. “It’s really beautiful. I didn’t know you could play. ”

Chrome relaxed, setting his violin off to the side of the bed. “It’s okay. You’re always welcome in here.”

I gave him an awkward smile and glanced down the hall. “I guess I’ll leave you to it. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I took a step back to leave but halted when he said, “Wait, Gray.” His metallic eyes reflected that deep emotion he held for me, even from across the room. “Stay with me.”

Silence grabbed me in a chokehold, but he didn’t let that deter him. He stood up and closed the distance.

When only a few inches separated us, he propped his forearm on the doorframe, somehow boxing me in even though I stood in the hallway, free to leave if I truly pleased. “Stay with me, Rainbow,” he repeated, his voice low and rough.

My feet were cemented to the floor. I wanted nothing more than to do unimaginably dirty things with him. So many unsolicited fantasies had plagued my mind in recent weeks that it was tempting to cave. The sight of his swirling tattooed marks on rare display and his illuminated, silvery brands were not helping.

A silver lock draped over his eye as his gaze pleaded for me to stay. He inched closer.

I shook my head. “I—I can’t.” I dropped my gaze to the floor.

“Can’t or won’t?”

I looked up at him at the challenge, my defiance kicking in. “Can’t.”

“Hmm,” Chrome hummed, disbelieving. “I think you’re full of shit, Gray. You want to; I can feel how badly you want to. But you know what else I feel from you?”

My heart stuttered. “What?” I whispered.

“Fear. You’re scared if you give in, you’ll never be able to go back. You know what’s between us is real. Authentic. Powerful . And you don’t like giving up that control to something bigger than yourself.” Somehow, he’d inched closer as he spoke. “Let me in, Gray.” His free hand pressed against the center of my chest. “Allow yourself to be worshiped as you deserve to be. ”

My breath hitched as his lips brushed against my own. The hand on my chest slid up my neck to the side of my face, continuing until his fingers lightly gripped my hair at the back of my head. Metallic eyes smoldered with a heat so hot I couldn’t breathe. I was lost to his spell, in a trance like the one his music had held me in only moments ago.

“Stay with me,” he whispered against my lips before he claimed my mouth with his own in a gentle yet firm press of his lips.

My element offered no help as my chest constricted. Every cell in my body roared to life with an inexplicable fire, threatening to incinerate me to ashes. The need for oxygen ceased to exist. I didn’t need air; I needed Chrome . All that mattered was laying my claim on this beautiful man.

Too absorbed in him, my mother’s letter and photos slipped from my grip, drifting to the floor.

Fuck it, I’ll get them later.

Chrome’s full, soft lips nudged mine open, and I welcomed the sensual caress of his tongue against mine. A deep growl rumbled from his chest, igniting a fire low in my core.

I was gone, absorbed in the swirling maelstrom. He was the fire to my ice. And I was melting.

A whimper escaped me as I snatched him closer to my body until only our clothing divided us. His hands roamed down the sides of my neck as he nipped my bottom lip and gave it a wanting tug.

Chrome’s hands continued their descent down the sides of my body. He took his time when he reached my breasts, cupping them in his palms before traveling lower. When he reached my ass, he gave it the same treatment.

In that moment, I wanted to give him everything.

Our height difference became uncomfortable. My neck ached from angling upward for so long. Without breaking the kiss, Chrome bent lower and gripped the backs of my thighs, hoisting my legs around his waist. I squeezed my hips around his taut midsection, running my fingers through his hair as he braced my lower back.

The concept of time and space became an illusion. Nothing else existed outside the two of us and the forces that pulled us together as I greedily swallowed his breaths.

“I’ve waited so many years to touch you like this, Rainbow,” he said between kisses. “And I’d wait an eternity more if I had to.”

The door clicked shut behind me, although I was unaware that we’d even been moving. My back knocked into the wall adjacent to the door, Chrome pinning me to it with his body.

Bracing his forearms on the wall on either side of my head, he flicked his tongue against the sensitive skin of my neck as I held myself up, tightening my thighs.

I arched my back, rolling my hips against his, eliciting a nip at the crook of my throat. “Fuck,” I gasped.

“Now’s the time to back out, Princess. Tell me. I won’t move further without your consent,” he asked, his voice gravelly and eyes wild through his haggard breaths.

“I want this.” I nodded. I needed it. I needed him. He was right. I had been scared to give in to us, not only because of Slate but because of my lack of control of the powerful force between us.

“You sure?” Hesitance shone in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what he felt coming from me, but I didn’t like it.

“For fuck’s sake. You wait any longer, and I might change my mind, Chrome.”

He shifted his weight to one arm against the wall so he could free the other to loosely grip my throat. “Be a good girl for me while I make you come on my mouth.”

It’s like he stole the air from my lungs. He set my unstable legs on the floor, removing the hoodie over my head. I tried to help him, but he slapped my hand away. “No. You do nothing but relax and come when I tell you.” The look in his eyes left no room for argument. And for once, I heeded it.

Once I was bare before him, a chill raced over my heated, gilded skin. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Gray.” He kissed me again before slowly teasing his tongue and lips down my neck, then to my chest. He massaged a breast and then flicked a thumb over the peak. “So perfect,” he said, licking my nipple, leaving a coolness in his tongue’s wake before he closed his lips around it. He gave it a gentle suck.

I leaned my head back, pushing further into his mouth with a moan as I felt already undone by the pleasure that shot straight to my core.

“That’s it, little savage. Let me hear you.” He traced a finger up the inside of my thigh as he dragged his lips to the other breast. He moved too slowly. I wiggled my hips, urging him to hurry.

Chrome rasped out a chuckle against my nipple. “You’re so fucking impatient. We really need to fix that, don’t we?”