Page 32

I felt nothing as Ridge summoned Solay and Emmy’s bodies back to our home in Xecelsion. Flying back, Artemis and I did not exchange a single word. I could feel the heavy accusation in the air, without any of them actually speaking.

Or perhaps that's my own conscience.

I wouldn’t have heard any of them reprimanding me anyhow. Not over the roaring in my head that refuses to let up.

When we arrive back in Xecelsion, the birds make quick work of preparing Solay’s body for the body’s renewal. The Ceremony of Rebirth must happen at sundown tonight, as customary for Phoenixes. Solay will transform into a new Phoenix, a beautiful and haunting gift.

We place Emmy’s body in the healers’ quarters downstairs to be prepared for burial. Closing the door behind us felt like sealing a tomb. Emmy had too much life to be enclosed into a dark, cold space.

Locking myself into our private quarters, I sink to my knees on the cold marble below, finally releasing the sobs that clung to my throat the whole journey home.

I can hear Ridge in front of me, feel his knees meeting mine. He gently grabs my hands, taking them in his own. I meet his stare through my blurred vision, tears falling like Emmy and Solay did.

“Don’t be kind when I don’t deserve it, Ridge. ”

He arches a brow at me, his jaw tensing, but he says nothing. He watches me with an intensity that strips me bare. It adds fuel to my internal fire, matching the flames emerging at the tips of my fingers.

I bite down on my lip, drawing blood. The coppery tang fills my mouth. “I messed up. They’re dead because of me. They paid the price for us to get information .” My breathing is ragged, words garbled.

My heart stops when he stares at me, using his thumb to wipe the blood from my lip. “None of us saw this coming today, Aledrya. War is dreadful, and this is war.”

“They deserved more. How is it they’re the ones who lost their lives, when it’s me who deserved it?”

In an instant, he’s gripping my chin, angling me to look at him. Fury scrunching his face.

“I don’t ever want to hear you say those words again.” His voice is a growl, fingers still clasped at my chin. “Rathian Zan is the one who deserves to die, because he is the one who killed them. Not you. But you— you are not allowed to say you deserve that fate. Because if you die, I have nothing to live for.”

Ridge stands abruptly, stalking to the other side of the room, jerking his hands through his hair.

He turns back around, jaw still clenched. “I’ve lost many things in this life. Friends. Family. Battles. I will not lose you. You will cheat death, or I’ll chase after you in death. I’ll forfeit everything before I lose you. Not when we’ve only just begun.”

I can hear the desire for reassurance in his voice. He’s laid out his worst fears for me.

“You’ll have me then, for the rest of your days. Even the worst ones,” I promise, my tongue thick.

He strides over, pulling me up and into his arms. He buries his face into the crook of my neck, breathing my scent in. The comfort of this embrace makes time feel insignificant. This intentional touch assuages the emotion raging beneath the surface. Nothing else exists outside of this moment together .

“I have something to show you.” He breaks his touch, gently caressing my face as we disentangle from our embrace. “Wait here. Rest. I’ll be back soon.”

“All right,” I reply quietly as he presses a kiss to my forehead.

As he swipes a dagger from the dresser and crosses the threshold to our room, I reach for the tether that connects me to Artemis.

I am so sorry about Solay. The words seem so inefficacious considering the immeasurable loss.

Even knowing the outcome, Solay would never have wavered from her choice to help. Although our tether feels distant, her reasoning offers padding for my gloomy mood.

I wander toward the open doors that lead me to the balcony, the salty air greeting me with a soft peck to the cheek. I shove down on the roaring in my ears, instead focusing on the crashing waves ahead.

The water does not have to drown me.

There’s a soft knock at the door—so faint it’s like the person on the other side debated not knocking at all.

“Come in,” I call as I sink into one of the black metal chairs facing the sea. As soon as my knees bend, I realize how drained I am.

Laz appears in the doorway to the balcony, folding his hands behind his back. “May I?” He nods toward the empty chair next to me.

I pat the seat next to me, a silent invitation.

He shifts the chair to face me, dropping into it and interlacing his fingers behind his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His words are tentative and softer than usual, but I shake my head. He pauses, but adds, “Then can I talk about it?”

“Sure,” I tell him, biting my lower lip. Blood flows easily, reopening the wound from earlier.

“This has been a really shitty morning.” He sighs, tilting his head up to the cloudless sky. “I think we can all agree on that.”

“To say the least,” I mumble, finally glancing over at him.

His hair is down, falling over one broad shoulder as he leans forward onto his massive thighs. He’s all warrior, but his face is so forgiving and youthful. “We all went to the Woven Wall knowing the risk, and we didn’t fail at it either, Aledrya. We got the necessary information.”

“At the ultimate price,” I lob back, not ready to reduce life to a means to an end. “The information was not worth their lives.”

“It never is.” His mouth forms a hard line. He’s likely seen more death than I can fathom. “You did not cause their deaths. Rathian did. He saw us coming and ambushed them because they were furthest away. You cannot bear the weight of all the bad things that are to come.”

“I already miss her.” My words wobble, my vision blurs at the tears forming again. “I’m scared to face Deah and Ingrid.”

Laz’s face drops, lines of worry appearing on his forehead. “They’re worried about you. They mourn the loss of Solay and Emmy, just as you do.”

“How is Nalin?” I can scarcely squeak the question out.

“He is dealing with it in his own way.” Laz’s eyes water and I scrub at my own as tears itch to escape. “He blames himself for not being there. We all grieve in our own way.”

“It’s not his fault, either,” I say, shaking my head.

There’s a beat of silence between us.

“Where is Ridge?” Laz asks, peering back into the bedroom.

“He said he has something for me—”

Laz holds a massive palm up at me. “I’m going to stop you there.”

I reach out, whacking his hand away. He cackles, shoving me back lightly. “Not that . What is it with Fae males? Such impish creatures.”

Crinkles line his eyes as he shakes his head. Glancing to his left, he takes in the Tridonic below. “I’m new to the brother role—new to being your friend—but it brings me immense joy to see you with Ridge.”

Flicking his gaze up, his eyes track something across the sky. “Look at that. His ears must have been burning. ”

I turn to find Orion descending to the lush grass walkway leading to the Keep. The white bird is stark against the black stone of the Keep, and its angular architecture. Ridge dismounts with ease, his attention behind him.

Artemis lands behind Orion. I startle, instantly on guard, when I see a stranger dismounting my Phoenix.

I shove past Laz, sprinting through our room and down the hallway. I grip the door handle that leads me to the walkway and rip it open. Stomping loudly through the grass, I can feel my blood boiling. My hands are already joining the fun, flames reaching for resolve.

“What are you doing?” I demand, directing my words at Artemis, not bothering with the tether. “You allowed someone else to fly you?”

My heart stops at the man who steps from behind Artemis. His sheepish smile. Long, black hair tossed from the flight.

“Hey, sis,” Hune says awkwardly, daring a step toward me. “Ridge and your bird are absolute menaces.”