Page 12

O f all the things I thought I might enjoy, running had never made the list. But the feeling of my chest burning, the rest of the world fading away as I focus; quiets my mind. Each day, my stamina improves a little more, and I can run a little further, a little faster.

The outlet is a welcome reprieve since I’m not currently getting any other kind of release. My conversation with Deah and Lotog had made me feel as though I was missing out on something. I’d be lying to myself if I said I hadn’t fantasized about Ridge a couple of times, what he looks like under those field clothes he had been wearing. During my runs, I’ve contemplated going into town simply to get the men of the Ravels out of my head.

By the time the weekend comes, I’m left with little choice.

Coming out of the bathing chambers after a long day, I rub my eyes. I had been much better at combat training this week; Deah even declared I’m halfway decent at practice swordplay. Practice, because I’m still not allowed to touch an actual sword, only wooden ones. I lost count of Lotog’s lewd jokes during practice. But at least these pretend swords are shaped like an actual weapon.

This week I manage to catch up with the routine the others are doing, joining in the six rounds of push-ups, sit-ups, and planks. Every night I collapse into a fit of exhaustion that leads me into a dreamless sleep. I’d been thanking Above that there had been no other nightmares since Campout.

I move to Unblock our door, dropping my wet towel and toiletries as I do. With an exhale, I bend down when a large hand meets mine to grab the towel. I jerk back, turning to face Lamond .

“What are you doing here?” The words come out harsher than I’d meant them, my pulse hammering.

He extends the towel and toothbrush to me, and I take it without breaking his stare. “We need to talk.”

“What about?” I ask dumbly, if only because I don’t have the answers he’s looking for.

“The conversation last week,” he murmurs. “We were interrupted before you answered me.”

My heart continues to pound relentlessly in my chest, thumping in my ears.

Are you in trouble? It’s all I can do to ignore Artemis right now.

He blinks, retreating a step in my silence. Lamond grimaces, continuing on. “I apologize if I made you uncomfortable by telling you I was interested.”

His words loosen the tension in my shoulders ever so slightly, giving me a sliver of confidence. “You don’t need to apologize. But to answer your question, I think I’d prefer to remain friends.”

He nods, but his jaw visibly tightens. “I understand,” he says softly. “Are you finally feeling settled?”

The subject change makes me breathe easier. I relax my shoulders fully, letting them fall. Lamond marks the movement, but brings his eyes up to mine. “Yes, I finally feel like I might survive here.”

To my surprise, Lamond lets out a low chuckle. “You are going to be fine.”

What did I say about putting him out of his misery? See how easy that was? Artemis purrs, and I repress the urge to roll my eyes.

Do other Phoenixes listen in as often as you do? I respond, halfway listening to Lamond fill me in on a new training technique we’ll start soon.

There’s a resigned sigh before her reply. Yes, we’re all nosey, just dying to know the sordid details of your life. If you build your barriers, it will help with filtering out emotions without fully blocking me out.

I snap back to the corridor when a guard smacks Lamond on the back in a brotherly manner. Lamond looks in the direction the sentry is heading, back toward the meeting room where I had my induction. “Something going on?” I ask, following Lamond’s line of sight.

“The officers have a meeting, then we’ll likely get rip-roaring drunk in town.” He indicates to the towel still clutched in my hand. “Enjoy your early night.”

I wave, slipping back into my room. To my bewilderment, Deah is propped up on her elbows in bed, grinning like a fiend. “Well, that was very interesting.”

“Oh, Abovesake. How long have you been listening?” I groan, unloading my things at my desk.

She pushes up to sitting, dangling her feet off her bed. “Unfortunately for me, I only caught the tail end of the conversation. What was all of that?”

“Lamond told me he was interested in me,” I admit as I sink into my chair. Deah’s eyes widen with my words, but I shake my head. “I don’t feel the same way he does…I don’t think I would even without the issue of him omitting the truth.”

Deah smiles emphatically, brushing through long black curls with her fingers. She begins folding it into a braid as she talks. “Not that I agree with his decision, but I wouldn’t have told you what the Abacae was either at that point. I sure wouldn’t have crossed through that damned Wall if I knew what might be lurking on the other side. So truthfully, I’m glad he didn’t share everything. You wouldn’t be here, coerced into a friendship with me, if he had.”

Finished with her braid, she leans back on her hands. “As far as not feeling the same way he does, I’m sure he’ll lick his wounds and be fine.”

“I know.” I twirl a loose strand of hair around my pointer finger. “By the way, coerced into friendship seems like the wrong word…more like influenced by mead.”

A pillow hits me square in the face, and I snatch it before it can fall to the floor, sending it sailing back to her. Deah catches it, a simpering smile on her lips.

“I wish someone would sleep with Lamond, so I could hear what it’s like.” She flings herself back on the bed dramatically, hugging the pillow to her chest. “ It’s so boring here, and Lamond is physically very desirable,” she growls. “Do not tell Lotog I said any of that.” She lifts her head up to peek at me.

My laugh echoes; it’s so abrupt and loud. “Not a word. Why don’t you go for it, your type be damned? He’d be crazy to not be interested in you.” I wink at her, and her smile turns into a pout.

“I think he’s handsome, but actually sleeping with him would not be worth the discomfort of running into him every day.”

“Maybe it’s time to go find attractive men that we don’t have to run into here,” I suggest, a grin tugging on my lips.

Deah sits up so fast it’s almost unnatural. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”

“Why would I joke with you about that? Do you think I’m so boring that I have to resort to making jokes about my sex life?”

“We’re doing it.” Deah jumps off her bed, flinging open her armoire in search of clothes acceptable for going into town. “We’ll go to one of the seedier bars; the officers would never show up there.” She flings a pair of tight fitted leather pants my way. “Put these on. Grab that shirt off my desk, too. We don’t need field clothes where we’re going.”

I lift the sheer scrap of clothing off her workspace, adjusting it so I can look at the details. “For the record, this is not a shirt.”

Once Deah has donned her wisp of clothing, we make for the door. As I trail her out, something draws my attention to the Phoenix stone still resting on my desk. Darting back over, I pocket it and follow Deah to the corridor.

We’re dressed, yet I’ve never felt more naked as Deah drags me down the snaking halls to retrieve Emmy. When Emmy emerges, she and her roommate, Katina, are wearing as little as we are. Between the four of us, I think we could put together one full shirt .

“We look so good,” Katina boasts as we make our way out the main entrance of the Ravels.

I had been shocked to learn Katina wanted to go into town with us as she usually sticks with her own group of Novices. Going with us was apparently better than staying in the Caves all night.

Emmy nods her agreement, ensuring the door latches shut behind us. She purses her lips as she faces Deah. “You’re going to make us dispatch, aren’t you?”

Deah crosses her arms. “I did not wear shoes meant for walking.”

“Prepare your stomach,” I warn Katina, who looks appropriately confused. Her blonde eyebrows knitting together as she watches Emmy and Deah bicker.

“Why would I—” Katina starts, but Deah snags our hands, hurling us through the universe behind her.

We tumble into the street, townspeople scattering at our meteoric landing. “Oh gods, Deah, why are you so terrible at this?” I moan, my world spinning. Managing to stay upright after dispatching is a new win for me.

Katina finds a trashcan to hug while Emmy sits with her head between her knees. Deah looks between all of us, appearing a little green herself. “I can only improve if I practice. It’s hard carrying all of you.”

“Where are we going?” A drink is a foolproof way to offset my rolling stomach.

Deah peers around me, pointing a slender finger. I turn, looking up at easily the most dilapidated structure in Xecelsion. It’s littered with bird nests and droppings along the edges of the roof, one of the swinging doors hanging off its hinge. The Pickled Gnome sign is hanging slightly askew.

“I told you, we’re going where we can find someone cute that is not part of the Ravels. No one else goes here.”

My cheeks become tight, holding back a chuckle. “Well, I can certainly see why.”

When we walk into the bar, I’m struck with the stench of body odor and mead. My heels stick to the tacky floor, everything is hazy from the surely illegal things being smoked in here. There’s a fiddler in the corner, playing loudly and a little off tune.

We make a beeline for the bartender. “Four shots,” Emmy requests as she slides on to a stool, pushing money toward the weathered male behind the bar.

I turn to face the main section of the bar while we wait. Despite our lack of clothing, we’re the least proactively dressed of the females here. There are a couple of women drifting table to table, leaning over to the male patrons to whisper in their ear. Some of them covertly get up, strolling across the space to duck into a dark hallway off to the side.

In the corner, a man with several markings and a durry hanging from his lip throws darts at the wall. I unintentionally catch his eye, spinning back around before he can read anything into the eye contact.

The bartender sets down clear shots of liquor, and I down mine without questioning what it is. It burns like acid, but the warmth settling throughout my bones is worth it. Emmy orders a second round about the time the man throwing darts comes to tap me on the shoulder.

“Never seen anyone like you in here.” His voice sounds like he spends many hours a day smoking, his breath hot and reeking of alcohol. “Feel like joining me in the backroom?”

Up close, he’s terrifying, and his suggestion makes me recoil. Deah grips my wrist, as if ensuring I don’t vanish. I lift my chin at the stranger. “I’m not sure where the confidence to suggest such a thing came from, but it’s unpalatable.”

He smiles, and it’s not a thing of beauty. He’s much older than me—it seems as though the years have been anything but kind to him. “You’ve got a mouth on you. What’s your name?” His hoarse voice is hard to hear over the loud fiddle and chatter.

“Her name isn’t your concern.” That gruff voice isn’t exactly welcome, either.

The male looks up behind me, his face draining of color. He puts his hands up in front of him as he backs away. “Nice meeting you,” he calls out before retreating to his musty corner .

My eyes flick to Lamond. His brow is lowered and there’s a scowl plastered on his face. “What do you think you’re doing?” I ask as sweetly as I can muster.

Lamond’s eyes flare with what I can only assume is disapproval. He ignores my question, opting for his own. “What are you doing here?” He lowers his voice, leaning in. The faint smell of liquor hits my nose, like he’s been drinking for quite a while.

“I’m having shots with my friends.” I gesture toward the others, who wave awkwardly; Katina looking particularly stupefied by Lamond’s presence.

A new round of drinks clanks to the bar, and I snatch it up as quickly as it was deposited. With the way Lamond is acting, I need liquid courage like never before. Lifting it toward his face, I knock it back. I gently set it back onto the bartop. “See? Drink.” I point to the empty glass. “Friend.” I gesture towards his chest.

Lamond’s nostrils flare, his attention flicking between me and the shot glass. “Are you out of your mind? You can’t be here dressed like that, taking shots of liquor.”

“Dressed like what?” Rippling heat courses through me at his words. “How did you even know I was here?”

“I always know where you are.” He groans softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Seriously, you need to go to a different bar. Or better yet? Go home.”

“Tell me why and I’ll consider it.”

He doesn’t even falter before he blurts out, “Because you’re dressed inappropriately.”

Rage clouds my vision. Alcohol muddies my judgment. I press into Lamond’s space as I stand, glaring up at him. “I don’t think that it’s appropriate for you to comment on what I wear. Besides, I’d like to stay.” I pull on my long blonde braid, letting my now wavy hair loose.

So what if he thinks I’m dressed inappropriately? I’m not his to make that call for. I had lived a long time hiding, trying to remain unnoticed.

I was no longer interested in that .

Lamond’s brow twitches, his eyes feral. “What do I have to do to get you to go home?”

The strong liquor pulsing through my veins is giving me a bravado I’m not accustomed to. “Nothing. I can be here if I feel like it. I’m not sure why you’re being so overprotective right now, we’re friends .” I emphasize the last word, narrowing my eyes at him.

He leans in, drawing close to my ear. “Dressed like that? Nothing about the way you are dressed tells any man here you’re looking for a friend .”

“And what does it tell men I want?” I question, daring him to insult me like I know he wants to.

His eyes are raging like mine probably are. “Like you’re a pay-per-hour friend .” He spits out the last word, abhorrence filling his eyes.

I don’t bother holding back when my palm makes contact with his cheek.

Light is sucked out of the bar in an instant.

It’s as if we’ve fallen into an incomprehensibly black void. A darkness so thick, seeing my own hand would be an impossible task. Screams ring out across the bar, and I grip on to what I think is the back of a barstool.

“Aledrya!” Emmy shouts, and I hear glass breaking from somewhere behind me.

Lamond’s rough hands grip my biceps, and I go rigid under his touch. Gods, I’m suddenly so tired. I can feel him leaning closer to me. “Aledrya, I need you to listen to me.” His voice is hoarse. “You’re the one who is throwing this strange darkness over all of us.”

My blood freezes, my heart with it. “What are you talking about?” My words dissipate into the crushing black.

I despise the dark and all that it conceals.

“Whatever you were feeling when the darkness fell, try to feel the opposite.” His voice is shaky; he’s nervous about whatever I’ve summoned. “I’m not sure how you can control it, but you need to figure out a way to lift it.”

I hear Deah to my left. “Aledrya, where are you?” Her voice is wobbly, too .

“I’m right here,” I breathe. I try Lamond’s suggestion on feeling the opposite, but nothing appeases the darkness.

I feel it press in, as if assessing how far it can go. Every wave of fear brings it closer. The pressure from this power is all-consuming.

Artemis. Hopelessness seizes me with a vise grip. I can hear people scrambling about the bar, the scraping of chairs and tables.

You need to release your anger. Her voice is gentler than usual. This is…an unusual power. To bring darkness is certainly something others should fear. You are in control, though. Release it.

Her words of encouragement ground me, but the aversion to the inky black remains. I can still feel her presence down our tether, as if she’s waiting on the edge of my mind for me to release my power. I reach into my pocket for that smooth stone, encasing it with my fingers.

A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, like a prolonged embrace from an old friend. The darkness relents, a morning fog evaporating.

The bustling bar has mostly cleared out. Nalin has somehow made his way into the tavern and is guarding Emmy. Deah remains on the other side of Emmy, and Katina is crouched under the counter of the bar. Lamond’s face is scrunched in angst, eyes boring into me.

“Holy gods,” Nalin breathes, eyes widening appreciatively. “I’ve never seen anything like that.”

This seedy bar seems so much brighter than before—the smell of smoke lingers, but mercifully, it’s quiet now that everyone has fled. Looking down toward my hands for answers, all I find are flames. As if subconsciously, I was trying to ward the darkness off with another power. I ball my fists, smothering the fire at my fingertips.

Glancing over my shoulder, I can see a group of officers outside the bar, looking on like we’re caged animals. “You are going to have many questions to answer.” Lamond grimaces, looking toward the street. “I’ve never seen anything like that. My tether with Gantral was suppressed, too. ”

Deah blows out a sigh. “Thank Above, I was worried when I couldn’t reach Adonis.”

I find myself sitting in that damned meeting room again.Lamond demanded we return to the Ravels immediately and zipped me back without another word. This meeting room feels claustrophobic; yet it has nothing to do with the size of the space and everything to do with the two surly males in front of me. The liquor still circulating my veins isn’t helping, either.

“And how did you summon it?” the Major inquires from across the sleek slab of wood. His hands are folded neatly on top of the table, Lamond sitting to his right.

Despite being told I am not in trouble, I still feel as though a punishment is looming. “I’m not sure. I wasn’t even aware I was summoning darkness at first.”

The Major bobs his head, moving one hand to prop his chin on. “What were you doing when you summoned it?”

My cheeks heat. Oh gods, I’m going to have to tell the Major that I was backhanding Lamond when I threw a dark blanket over us. “Well—”

Lamond cuts in before I can determine how to end my sentence. “I was aggravating her, Major. Emotions were high, and she had been drinking with the other Novices. It may take time to learn exactly what summons that dark power.”

His words are a stinging betrayal. He’d said terrible things about me in that bar. I didn’t need him to speak for me, and I certainly didn’t need him to cover for me. ‘Dark power’ sits wrong in my gut, and I dig my nails into my palms under the table.

The Major is watching me intently, no doubt noting my tension. “Very well. Aledrya, your power is, truthfully, unnerving.”

At his pause, my stomach turns to lead. “As you have likely learned, every Fae is capable of lesser power: Unblocking, summoning a mystic light, menial tasks that require little effort. Most Fae have a primary power or two, usually passed down from their parents. We see many Novices with power like dispatching, summoning objects, even shapeshifting. However, this new primary power you seem to be manifesting is something we’ve never seen before. I have to admit, between this darkness and your fire”—he indicates toward my hands—“you possess quite a unique set of powers that we desperately need in the Ravels.”

In my silence, the Major presses on. “We would like to train you on how to summon these powers appropriately. Your gifts are not something we have seen in a very long time. Truthfully, many other Novices are able to master their primary power on their own. But yours are much more intense. We need to hone it before it takes over more areas of your life.”

Focusing on training my powers should have started the moment I stepped foot into the Fae Realm. “Do I have a say in who trains me?”

Bewilderment washes over the Major’s face ever so briefly. “Of course you do, you are here of your own volition and we want everyone here to feel comfortable.”

I feel lighter with each passing word. “I would love to learn how to utilize my power more effectively.”

His returning smile is warm, and as he gets to his feet, Lamond follows him like a dog. “Very well. I have a few ideas on who might be suitable to train you.” I rise from my chair, letting my arms hang loosely at my sides.

“I could do it, Major,” Lamond offers, his eyes still fixed on me.

“No.” The word is out before I can think twice. I lift my chin. “I would prefer training with someone else, if that would be all right, Major.”

Hurt flashes in Lamond’s eyes, but it’s not my concern.

Pay-per-hour friend .

The Major looks between us, but dips his chin. “As you wish.” He shuffles away before he can involve himself further in our conversation.

I find myself envious of the Major.

Lamond is around the table and standing in front of me so rapidly, my head spins. “Why would you decline my training?”

I narrow my eyes. “I have no issues training with you as we have been, but I have no intention of letting you near my dark powers.”

He ignores the barbed jab. “Why?”

“Because I don’t know that I trust you.” I drive my nails into my palms. “With how overbearing and hurtful you were tonight, I don’t think you having a hand in training my power is a good idea. I realize directness isn’t my strong suit, for that I apologize. However, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea; I’m not interested in anything more than friendship.”

My words hang in the air between us, Lamond’s face falling. He clears his throat, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I’ll respect your wishes, then.” He slides his gaze back to mine. “Don’t write me off as a friend, please. I didn’t mean what I said at the bar.”

I nod, feeling too drained to continue the conversation anymore. “I need to go.” Retreating a step, I gesture toward my room. “Good night, Lamond.”

He tips his chin, and we part ways.

Sleep evades me, but it’s not Lamond filling my thoughts.

It’s the darkness I’ve been hiding all this time.