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CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

Ellery

I couldn’t return to the manor and face my home without my mother last night. I spent the evening tossing and turning.

During the rare times when I did sleep, I dreamed of my mother, her scent, her embrace, and her death. Sometimes, I woke crying, and others, I woke with a scream on my lips that I managed to bury before releasing it.

Every time I woke, Ryker’s arms constricted around me, and he pulled me closer before kissing me. He didn’t offer false promises about how things would get better; he was just there for me.

As dawn approached, I slipped from his arms and bed. I tiptoed across the small space between his mattress and the doorway overlooking the encampment.

He’d left the canvas rolled up last night so the light summer breeze flowed through the tree house. The windows were also open, and while it was warm inside, it wasn’t unbearable.

A fire still burned below, but the flames had mostly died down to glowing embers. At the edge of the encampment, guards stood in the woods; while I saw some of them, most were hidden by the trees.

A few other amsirah were up and already starting their days. Lanterns lit one of the tree houses while others moved below, tending to the livestock.

I didn’t know where Callan and Luna spent the night, and I didn’t care. I was tired and sad… just so sad.

I would give anything for my torment to stop. It didn’t have to be for a day or an hour; I would take a few minutes of stillness.

Every part of me ached, and I was sure that if someone poked me, I’d shatter into a thousand pieces. I remembered feeling this way when my father died. There had been so much pain inside; it felt like the whole realm should feel it too, but only a few others did.

And now, like then, I had to return to my life. I couldn’t bring myself to face my empty home last night, but I couldn’t hide from it this morning. There was too much work to do.

Behind me, Ryker shifted on the mattress. I didn’t have to look to know he was awake; I’d become so in tune with him that it wasn’t necessary.

“I knew you were outside the Veiled Rock. I felt you,” I told him as he came to stand beside me. “I even knew where you were standing.”

“And I knew you were inside.”

“I don’t think my parents experienced that, or if they did, they never said anything. So how is it possible?”

He kissed the top of my head, slipped his arms around my waist, and pulled my back against his chest. “Because you’re a part of me.”

Tilting my head back, I looked at him. “I like that.”

His sheepish smile and tousled hair made him appear almost boyish. It had been so long since I’d seen him like this.

In our early days together, I would get this unguarded side of Ryker, but after he learned the truth of me, he’d shut down and locked me out. Even though we’d discussed it in the garden, it was here, seeing him like this, that I truly believed he’d forgiven me and was ready to move on.

Some of the sorrow in my heart eased as joy squirmed its way inside. Guilt over feeling such an emotion so soon after my mom’s death roared to the forefront, and then the tsunami of grief crashed over me again.

“So do I,” he said. “How are you this morning?”

“I’ve been better, but I’ll get through this.”

“I know. And I’ll be here for you.”

“I know.” I turned to look over the clearing again. “I have to go home. There’s so much work to do at the manor.”

“You can take a day off.”

“No, I can’t. We didn’t take time off after my father died, and I can’t do it now.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

“And do what? Hide in the house all day?”

“Yes, and I’ll be there whenever you need me.”

I smiled at the possibility. “I like that idea, but don’t they need you here to help with training?”

“They won’t miss me for one day.”

I didn’t argue with him, mostly because I did want him there, even if he was better off here. We stood together as they let the sheep out of the barn and released them into their pens.

It was peaceful and beautiful as the pinks and oranges of the rising sun spread across the sky. As I watched the morning starting to unfold, I recalled something else.

“Oh.” I looked up at Ryker again. “ How is your father engaged?”

Ryker’s look of serenity vanished. He released me and moved to stand beside me in the doorway. He rested his hand on my hip as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Your guess is as good as mine, but the bigger surprise is who he’s engaged to.”