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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Ellery

His words caused mine to die away, but I couldn’t shake the doubt as he gazed at me.

He squeezed my chin a little. “I have.”

“You can’t stand to lie beside me or stay in the same bed as me, Ryker.”

“Yes, I can.”

“You left?—”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Then what did happen?”

“I went to get us breakfast. I thought I had enough time to get it and return before you woke, but I was wrong. I went to your manor to try talking to you, but I couldn’t get close enough without risking being spotted. I’d hoped to talk to you last night, but you never showed.”

“I couldn’t, not after what they did to our manor and my mother’s beautiful creations. Not after I discovered you gone.”

“I planned to return before you woke.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I understand, but I had planned to tell you I can’t imagine my life without you. I’m tired of fighting how I feel for you and tired of the anger. I want to build a life with you, Ellery Marian. I can’t live in the past anymore. I want to move with you toward the future… our future… no matter how uncertain it is.”

My mouth parted at his words, and I blinked at him as I tried to understand. “You went to get us breakfast?”

He smiled as his thumb moved up to caress my bottom lip. “Yes. I was pretty hungry when I woke and figured you would be too. I thought you would stay sleeping while I was gone. When I discovered you’d left, I went to your manor to tell you that I wanted to be with you, but there were too many riders around.

“I returned to my father’s castle and waited until last night, but you weren’t there when I went to the Revenant Woods. I went to your manor and saw you and your mother sweeping through the windows; now I understand you were cleaning up after Samael.”

My mind spun as I tried to process his words; my heart fluttered with excitement as my stomach clenched. It was almost too good to believe.

“You went to get us breakfast?” I couldn’t stop being hung up on this aspect of everything he’d said.

He smiled before kissing the tip of my nose. “Eggs, bacon, fresh bread, and water.”

“I would have loved that.”

“Me too, but I didn’t get a chance to eat it.”

When I lifted my gaze to his, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at the amusement shimmering in his eyes. I so badly wanted all of this to be true.

I yearned to be with him and to know we could move forward together and build a life… or as much of one as possible in this realm.

But then, reality returned. “You say this now, but the next time you remember what I did, you’ll shut down and distance yourself from me again.”

“No, I won’t. It’s taken me time to work through everything and move past it all, but I have, and I understand why you did the things you did. You’re it for me, Ellery. You have been for months.”

“That’s not true. You’ve had plenty of other women since me.”

His smile faded, and his eyes flicked past me before returning to my face. “No, I haven’t. There’s been no one since you.”

I pulled my chin from his grasp and folded my arms across my chest. “I watched a mostly naked woman gyrate on your lap.”

“That was just a dance. A way to pass the time while trying to forget.”

“Forget what?”

“You.”

“You were going to all those whore houses?—”

“To forget, Ellery.” Annoyance tinged his voice. “I was also drinking a lot too. I didn’t have sex with any of those women; I tried more than a few times, but the idea of it….”

“The idea of what?”

“Of being with and fucking them . I couldn’t get off with them because they weren’t you. Hell, I couldn’t even get aroused.”