Page 35 of A Summer of Secrets on Arran (Scottish Romances #5)

Rosie watched as Ash slowly nodded his head.

There was disbelief and shock then, finally, recognition in Bella’s eyes.

Ash stepped towards Bella and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

Isobel sat down on the sofa, her head in her hands.

This was not the scene any of them had envisaged when they had found out Isobel was pregnant all these years ago or when she had eventually confessed who the father was.

Bella looked over at Rosie, her face a picture of utter confusion. Which was no wonder. Bella had known Ash for all of her life and as far as she was concerned, he was the cool and crazy uncle who lived on the other side of the world.

‘But I don’t understand,’ said Bella in disbelief, as she untangled herself from his arms. ‘You’re gay . . .’

Ash reached for her hand and gently led her over to the sofa to sit her next to her mum. Then he got Rosie’s little foot stool and positioned it opposite them. He leaned in towards them both and clasped his hands together.

Rosie felt as though she shouldn’t necessarily be there while they chatted.

But it felt too disruptive to leave the room and she knew that Bella may also want to speak to her about it too.

After all, she had known about Ash and been part of the secret.

She just wished Isobel had told her at the time, when she had discovered she was pregnant in Sydney.

Instead, she had claimed she was homesick and flown back to Glasgow.

Rosie hadn’t found out the truth until much later.

‘I’m sorry for all of this, Bella,’ said Ash. ‘And regardless of what you may have heard out there in the hallway, I want you to know that I am glad that you know the truth now.’

‘I still don’t understand how it happened though,’ said Bella, gazing around the room in shock.

Isobel dabbed her face with a tissue, a pained expression on her face.

Bella studied her mum’s face curiously and Rosie watched Ash give Isobel a quizzical look as though to say will you tell her, or will I? But Rosie knew that Isobel would want to be the one to tell Bella what had happened.

Isobel reached her hand over and squeezed Bella’s tightly. She took a steadying breath and started to speak. ‘Well, you know that Rosie and I were travelling in Australia and that Ash then joined us when we were in Sydney.’

Bella glanced across the room at Rosie, who gave her a reassuring smile, wishing she could wave a wand and make everything okay for Bella. She hated seeing her in distress.

‘We were both out one night catching up — Rosie was out with Luke. We had too much to drink. We were younger and those were the days when we didn’t think much about the consequences. It just happened. And I’m so glad that it did, Bella. I wouldn’t change the past for a minute.’

‘I’d had lots of girlfriends,’ continued Ash.

‘And a few boyfriends that I’d kept quiet.

But deep down, I knew I was gay and I was still trying to figure it out.

It was hard. My parents were super strict and not exactly open-minded, so would not have approved at all.

It might be hard for you to appreciate, especially as your mum is so relaxed about stuff, but my parents were the polar opposite.

My upbringing had been so oppressive and there was such a stigma around being gay.

I felt that layer of guilt every single day.

I just couldn’t shake the feeling that if I stayed there then I could never find the true me.

’ He paused. ‘Leaving Glasgow was like a massive weight being lifted off my shoulders. Moving to Australia was the best thing I could have done for my own sanity. I didn’t feel like I fitted in anywhere.

Especially not in Glasgow. I hoped that by moving across the world and getting away from my parents and the small world I’d been brought up in, I would have some headspace and things would work out for me .

. . which they have,’ he added hastily. ‘But at the time I had just arrived in Australia, I was overly excited, I was over the moon to see your mum and Rosie and that particular night in question, we had both had a lot to drink.’

Bella’s eyes were fixed on Ash, who looked apprehensive.

Ash bit his lip. ‘It was really hard,’ he said. ‘But I had to do it. Admitting to myself that it was okay to be me and that I needed to accept myself for the real me was just part of the journey. It was a long time ago and I guess we were all different people back then.’

Rosie found herself thinking about Luke again.

Ash was right. It was easy to forget they were all younger once with hopes and dreams and different ideas of how their lives would unfold.

There was no way that any of them could have predicted their worlds from that short time in Sydney colliding again like this.

‘It was just one of those things,’ said Isobel softly. ‘But it was meant to be, Bella.’

‘Your mum is right. I might have been trying to deny my true feelings. I was so worried about coming out and I did sleep with a lot of women, in the hope that it would make my feelings disappear. But, of course, it didn’t.

’ His voice was choked with emotion. ‘And I am glad it happened that night, otherwise there would be no you. And that is something I can’t even begin to imagine. ’

Bella wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek and Isobel reached for her hand.

‘Ash left the next day to go to Queensland. He had a new life to start there. Rosie and I stayed in Sydney for a few more weeks as we wanted to spend Christmas and New Year there. That’s when I started feeling sick and I took a test and found out I was pregnant. ’

Rosie still felt guilty when she thought back to that time and that she hadn’t noticed what was going on with Isobel. She had been so wrapped up in her own little world, although she knew now that it would have made little difference. Isobel’s mind was made up, and she was definitely going home.

‘And when did you find out about me?’ Bella asked Ash quietly.

‘Not until just before you were born,’ said Ash.

‘I hadn’t told a soul about who the dad was.

Not even your gran. I just said that I’d got pregnant after a one-night stand at The Tunnel, a nightclub in Glasgow, and I didn’t know who the father was.

And do you know something? I had always wanted to be a mum.

I just hadn’t met anyone I wanted to settle down with.

I still haven’t,’ said Isobel with a brittle laugh.

'But there was no way I wasn’t going to go ahead with the pregnancy.

By the time you were due, Rosie was home and I told her the truth.

I didn’t know who else to turn to. Ash had always wanted to travel and make the most of being single.

Rosie and I were so happy to finally see him happy and being his true self away from Glasgow.

I didn’t want to tell him as I knew he would come back to do right by me and I didn’t want that for him.

So, I didn’t tell him until just before you were born. ’

‘Your mum phoned me and told me the week before you were born,’ he said, his eyes misting over.

‘You’ve got Rosie to thank for that,’ said Isobel. ‘She thought Ash had a right to know. I didn’t know what to do. I was so overwhelmed and worried about doing the right thing.’

‘And what did you say when she told you?’ asked Bella, fascinated.

‘I didn’t know what to say. It was such a shock.

When your mum told me, it was the last thing I expected to hear.

I had finally started to be myself in Queensland without worrying about what anyone thought of me.

Your mum told me not to come back, as we couldn’t be a family, and that she wouldn’t want me to give up on being my true self.

She reminded me that I’d had to travel to the other side of the world to gain some independence and distance from my parents.

’ He looked at Bella and shook his head in sorrow.

‘I was in my first proper relationship and everything was going well. I was being me. But I agonised on what to do, Bella. I felt like I had already let you down.’

Isobel shook her head. ‘You didn’t ever let Bella down, Ash. It was such a difficult position to be in and it was my idea to keep it between the three of us. If your parents had found out, the pressure on you and the fall out for not coming back to us would have been awful.’

Ash grimaced. ‘I was never able to tell them I was gay. So, you see, all of that meant that I couldn’t be a proper dad to you.

Not in any kind of conventional way. But I promised Isobel that I would always be part of your life.

No matter what. I vowed that I would be an amazing uncle and I would help support you.

Always and no matter what. And as soon as I saw you, I fell in love, Bella.

And that hasn’t changed and never will. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I am so proud to be your dad.

I’m just so sorry that you are hearing all of this now.

We thought we were doing the right thing. ’

Rosie felt the tears slide down her face, as she watched the emotional scene unfold in front of her.

She had never seen Ash speak so tenderly or sincerely to anyone.

He had always been kind and caring, and lots of fun, but never as openly emotional as this.

She watched as Bella’s face crumpled and she dissolved in tears.

Then Ash moved to the sofa beside her and he and Isobel held her tightly while they all cried.

Rosie stifled her tears as much as she could and then buried her face in Coisty’s curls.