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My mind was a sickening blur. Anger, anguish, doubt, confusion. There was a little bit of everything worming its way through my brain and tampering with my ability to process the simplest of emotions. Brandon had once been a monster among men. It didn’t matter how many times I looked at him, I couldn’t see it. Or maybe I didn’t want to see it. Maybe it had happened so long ago that the part of me that had fallen for him chose to be blind.

No, I wasn’t blind. His past stood between us now. A big elephant in the White Hall of Justice, and we’d already had so much on our plate. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes—if I had been tempted to doubt Order regarding Brandon, well… his inability to meet my gaze proved she’d told the truth. Just because he couldn’t remember what he’d done didn’t mean he’d never done it. That wasn’t how the world worked. He’d done those things. He was capable of those things. I wasn’t ready to deal with any of this. Not now. Not when there was so much left for us to do.

My parents were depending on me. My grandparents. My whole family. Our friends and allies. I could not let this fizzle out here, in the heart of Purgatory, while the main issue of Hrista remained unresolved. Gathering whatever courage I had left after I’d dared use my powers against her people, I gave Order a stern look. “You have to help us with Hrista. You’ve had your fun with the trials, though they were clearly not needed since you already know what each of us did and why… it’s time for you to take action,” I said.

Order smiled. “You’re quite brazen for a halfling.”

“She may be shorter than average, but halfling is a bit much,” Jericho said, crossing his arms as he and the others remained in the line of waiting spirits. “Also, she’s right. Dafne, the Time Master, Aphis, Thayen, and I… we’re with Astra. We have the same motivations. We made the same decisions.”

“Truth be told, this was already looking like a farce from the moment she banned Brandon,” Dafne replied, raising an eyebrow. It surprised Order to be met with such disdain. It surprised me, too, that my friends had this kind of courage. But it made me feel better, as well, knowing that I wasn’t in the wrong. I wasn’t the only one who had trouble taking any of this seriously. Sure, Order’s power in this place was absolute, but she had not earned my respect.

“I believe you should just leave,” Order replied dryly. “You’re all cleared and free to go, as more trials against you would be redundant.”

That just pissed me off. “Hey. No. What about Hrista?”

Order shot to her feet and threw her arms wide. “Get out!” A violent pulse burst from within her—a lot like mine, strangely enough—and rammed into us.

A split-second later, we had been thrown out of the White Hall of Justice. Thayen, Myst, Brandon, and Hammer. Dafne and Jericho. The Time Master and Aphis. The original gang, reunited away from Order, our plight completely ignored. My blood boiled, and I let a slew of expletives leave my lips as I got up and brushed the coppery brass and silver dust off my GASP uniform.

We’d made it this far, and I wasn’t going to leave here without making sure that Hrista got what she deserved. Anything less would’ve been a colossal failure. Hell, if left unchecked, her crimes might even rival anything that Brandon had committed during his living days. Crap, the thought came back and launched itself with a shudder through my whole being. I still couldn’t process the ugly truth.

“I’m not done,” I said through gritted teeth as I walked toward the nearest queue of spirits being ushered into the white marble colossus. “She doesn’t get to throw us away like old boots.”

Anger fueled me as I put one foot in front of the other. Brandon tried to stop me. Almost instinctively, I yanked my arm back and threw a barrier at him—hard enough to hold him back and nearly topple him. I felt bad for a moment, but there was so much I still wanted to tell Order that I was compelled to keep moving.

“Astra, wait!” Thayen shouted after me, but I wouldn’t have any of it. Myst didn’t even bother, and I wondered why, when the Time Master was already at my side, trying to convince me not to go back in there.

“This isn’t wise,” the Reaper said.

“And just walking away is?” I shot back, shaking my head. “No. We came here to get her help, and she simply threw us out. Hrista is her mess to clean up. Order’s! Not ours!”

“While that may be true, pissing off one of the universe’s fundamental forces is not a smart move,” Time said. “I am powerless here, otherwise I would stop you myself, but I’m hoping you still respond to reason, Astra. She has angered you, I get that. I’m just as pissed off about all of this… but if Order ejected us, we can’t just barge back in there and demand her help. We need a plan. Something that will stick.”

“Do you have any ideas?” I asked as I almost joined the line.

Edda materialized before me, and I was finally forced to stop. “Don’t even think about it,” the Mother of Valkyries said. “She will not allow you back in.”

“I’ll make her!” I didn’t really mean it. My frustration was boiling over. Helplessness was not something I wanted to get used to, not even for a minute. I felt like I’d been swimming for days in a certain direction, only to just find out that I’d been pushed in the opposite direction by the current. I’d thought we were going somewhere, and now… now, we were stuck in this wretched limbo, learning truths that would’ve been best kept hidden.

“Astra, outside this realm, Order is helpless,” Edda replied, wearing a faint but sympathetic smile. “She would rather chop off her own head than admit that in front of all those souls. My Valkyries, the Berserkers, the countless spirits she presides over—she would never say it aloud to them, but it’s true.”

The news hit me like a sledgehammer right in the solar plexus.

“Wait, what?” Time blurted, just as shocked.

“Death is fortunate, for she is tied to the living realm. Yes, she has her own, but it’s merely a sheet of space riddled with Reapers and ghouls and souls to reap. She has power in the living realm, and she has power in her domain, too. The Word, on the other hand, has no say in Death’s world. And no say in Purgatory or in the afterlife, either. To each, more or less his own, if you know what I mean,” Edda said.

“But Death once accidentally created a bunch of Hermessi,” I reminded her.

She shrugged. “Consider that a fluke. The forces of this universe may cross paths in one sense or another, but we don’t know the exact conditions required for something like that to happen. We don’t know how Death acquired the authority to eliminate that much life energy to create Hermessi. Then again, death and life have always been intertwined, in a sense. Order and the afterlife, in general, were always beyond and separate. My point is, Death cannot dictate in the Word’s realm, and the Word cannot dictate in Death’s realm, either. Hermessi exception aside, please. The same applies to Order. She has all the power here. Beyond, she is but an entity with no place of her own.”

“Hold on. Why is Death so special?” I heard myself ask, fascinated by the discrepancy.

“Not that special. Life is death, and death is life, if you think about it. The two are bound forever, intertwined, like I said just now,” Edda explained. “But in Purgatory, neither Death nor the Word function. Likewise, Order is—”

“Powerless in the realm of the living,” I finished her sentence, the gravity of this truth sinking in so fast that I worried I might come apart at the seams.

“She cannot help you. She would like nothing more than to go after Hrista, but she cannot tell you that,” Edda sighed, lowering her gaze.

Time scoffed. “She’s ashamed.”

“What can we do?” Thayen asked, joining the conversation along with the others. Brandon remained at a slight distance, though I could feel his eyes on me. I couldn’t just brush off the truth of his past life. It had to be reckoned with. Maybe it didn’t define him anymore, and maybe he’d paid the price, like Myst had implied, but… I’d have to address it and deal with it. “We cannot go back empty-handed. If we do reach The Shade when Astra gathers her strength and opens another shimmering portal, I’m sure we won’t have an easy time. Hrista might have it locked down, thus making it impossible for any of us to communicate with our superiors.”

“That restriction will apply to me, too,” Time interjected.

“Either way, we don’t really know what we’re walking into,” Thayen continued, giving Edda a pleading look. “If you could help us with anything at all…”

Myst took Edda’s hands in hers. “Mother, please. We cannot let Hrista do this. It’s not just Purgatory magic she’s using against the living. It’s death magic, too. The Spirit Bender taught her some dangerous tricks, and I worry we won’t get to Death herself in time.”

“Or, even worse, Death might not be enough to take Hrista down,” Edda replied, offering a possibility we hadn’t yet considered. Now that it had been voiced, however, it was a terrifying realization.

Brandon came over. “Can we talk?” he whispered.

“Now?”

“There is no better time,” he replied bluntly and dragged me away from the group, giving Edda an apologetic smile. “Sorry, big mama, we’ll be right back. You all talk, we’ll catch up in a second.”

His demeanor stunned and irritated me but not because it was out of place. No, it was because he wanted to get this big issue between us out of the way, and I didn’t feel ready for such a heavy talk. It would’ve meant bracing for some kind of disappointment in my weary mind, and what Order had just done to us had emotionally drained me.

He walked us both about ten yards to the left of Edda and my crew, placing his hands on my shoulders as we stopped. Hammer had stayed back, too, watching us with his head cocked and blue eyes burning curiously. “You need to understand something,” Brandon said. “I meant what I said in there. I don’t even remember my life. Most of it is just a blur. I might see my mother’s smile sometimes. Or I might hear her voice in a distant dream. Or the laughter of a brother, perhaps, I’m not sure. But the murders I committed… while I do not doubt them, I cannot recall them.”

“What am I supposed to do with this information?” I asked him, my voice trembling slightly.

“I don’t know. It’s just… I’ve been punishing evil people for as long as I can remember. My darkness is pain and vengeance, and it seeps into the souls of those who feel guilty,” he said. “I know how I came to be, I understand the process. Needless to say, I am deeply ashamed and regretful, which is part of the reason why I didn’t bring it up before. I most likely did some truly awful things. I wouldn’t be able to explain why anymore, but it’s unforgivable either way. Evil and murder are unforgivable. So… I don’t expect you to just brush it off.” Brandon stopped himself, closing his eyes for a moment. When he looked at me again, I had the distinct feeling that he was baring the most vulnerable part of his soul to me. “I have never met anyone like you before, Astra. Your light used to put me on edge, but I can no longer exist without it, somehow. It’s hard to explain. You’re far above my level. I’m just a Berserker, a former killer who’s been paying for his crimes in Purgatory. In a sense, I think you saved me, Astra. That’s why Order’s decree doesn’t faze me as much as it should. It’s okay. I’m fine, because I’m hoping you’ll allow me to stay by your side.”

I stared at him for what felt like forever before I found my words again. “Part of you, you said. What about the rest of you? Why did the rest of you keep this truth away from me?”

“Because I was ashamed,” Brandon sighed. “I cannot say that my past defines me, but I’m certain I’ve carried a few traits over from that life. Whether they’re positive or horrendous, I don’t know… I only know that when I’m around you, Astra, I find myself striving to be better. Wishing I could be someone worthy of your attention. And your affection.

This wasn’t the time or the place I’d thought I would hear such words, yet hearing them filled me with a strange, warm light, nonetheless. It stemmed from the compressed energy between Brandon and me, a vibe we’d been quietly carrying since we’d first met. Neither of us had tried to name it, though we’d both known it was there, growing, feeding on the stolen glances and the affectionate nicknames and the fleeting touches. It had gotten too big and too bright to ignore, and Order’s revelations about Brandon had pushed him. He’d feared losing me, and the thought made my heart sing. It was just a tiny song, a murmur of hope and forgiveness.

How could I send him away? How could I hold such a distant past against him, when he couldn’t even remember it? Granted, his deeds, whether remembered or not, had still happened. He’d done them. But the person I was clearly falling for had not been defined by them, in the end. I wasn’t sure what any of this would mean for us in the long run, but I was certain I did not wish to fight this war without Brandon by my side.

I brought a hand up, ever so slowly, and touched his face. The blue fires turned a brilliant white beneath his long, black eyelashes, his gaze softening on my lips. The kiss he’d given me earlier had realigned everything in my head, switching the order of thoughts, making me dizzy and delighted at the same time. I didn’t dare return that kiss now, here… not when I felt so many eyes on us. But I gave him a warm smile. I put every emotion I had in it, and I said things with my gaze, hoping he’d receive the message.

He did, much to my relief. “We’ll continue this later, then…”

“We most certainly will,” I replied.

“You two done?” Jericho called out, prompting Brandon to stifle a chuckle.

He cleared his throat and gathered his composure, then motioned for me to walk back to the crew, with him by my side. Where I hoped he would always be. “You’re an outcast,” I said, with still a few yards between us and the others. “What will you do now?”

“Leave Purgatory. But I won’t leave you.”

“Good.” I took a moment to breathe, my pulse still galloping. “What about Hammer? Will he follow you?”

“That will be his choice,” Brandon sighed. “He wasn’t banned. He cannot choose another Berserker, but he can ask Order to send him into the great beyond, if that is his wish. If Order separates us, we will both be fine. Never whole again, not really, but it’ll spare me the fate of a shadow beast.”

“Or he can come with you, right?” I asked, looking at the Aesir as we approached him.

“He can, but I dare not get my hopes up.”

Dafne shot me a broad grin once we rejoined the conversation. “So, Edda has an idea.”

“Will it get Hrista to Order?” I asked, giving Edda a stern look.

The Mother of Valkyries nodded. “If you cannot bring Order to Hrista, you can still bring Hrista to Order, yes,” Edda said.

And there it was. The simplest solution. The straightforward conclusion. And the craziest damn suggestion I’d heard so far, yet the only viable one. What other choice did we have? Hrista wasn’t invincible. She couldn’t be. There had to be a weak spot. There had to be an angle we could work to our advantage.

Hrista feared my ability to open shimmering portals. Perhaps what she truly feared was that I could use one to hurl her back into Purgatory.