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Liam

Liam’s teeth were at risk of chipping from chattering so hard, but Jonah seemed content to stand under the blanket on the rooftop with him, so he didn’t dare nudge them inside. He would have stood out there all night if that was what Jonah needed.

The cold was a grounding force for Liam, too. The brave face he had tried to maintain for Jonah’s sake was beginning to slip as dawn drew nearer, and he was clinging onto the last threads of his control.

In a matter of months, Jonah had carved out a place in Liam’s life that couldn’t easily be filled. Despite the circumstances that had brought them together, the bond they’d formed was genuine, and it was the kind Liam had spent his whole life aching for. Selfish as it was, he didn’t want to let that go.

When he’d received that call from Jonah, less than forty-eight hours ago, he’d had no idea how quickly things would move. Now he was here, minutes away from Christmas Day and grappling for the words to say goodbye to the person he had only just gotten back.

Tomorrow, Jonah would get into a car with his mother—which Liam had his own feelings about, but dutifully kept to himself—and drive beyond state lines. There was no telling what that distance would bring.

What if this fragile, unnamed thing between them wasn’t meant to last in the outside world? What if Jonah didn’t even want to try? Liam couldn’t blame him, if that was the case. There was a real possibility that Liam’s presence would only serve as a reminder of the worst period of Jonah’s life, that Liam was inextricably linked with this city and all the pain it had caused him. No one was more deserving of peace, and Liam would rather lose Jonah than stand in the way of his healing.

But if there was a chance—even a small one—that Jonah wanted to keep him in his life, this might have been Liam’s last chance to try.

“I know I already made the offer,” Liam said, “but I need to hear it from you one more time. Are you sure you don’t want to stay with me for a little while?” He felt Jonah turn to him, even as he kept his own eyes forward; there was only so much courage he could muster at once. “I’m glad your mom is willing to try and fix things between you, but it’s hard to watch you with her, knowing what your family did to you.”

“It’s hard for me, too,” Jonah admitted .

It wasn’t the honesty he was expecting, but it only drove Liam’s urgency. “We could figure something out,” he promised. “I know my mom would be okay with it, even if it’s just for a little while, and then we could figure out something after that. I want to help you, Jonah. I want you to be safe.”

“I can’t do that, Liam.” Jonah angled his body toward him under the cover of the blanket, softening the blow of his gentle rejection. “I don’t want to be something you have to ‘figure out.’”

“I didn’t mean that—” Liam began, but Jonah shook his head.

“Sorry,” Jonah said. “No, I know you didn’t. I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. It’s hard to put into words.” Liam waited patiently as he took a breath and started again. “You’ve done so much for me already. You helped me when I had no way of repaying you, but I don’t want that to be the dynamic between us anymore.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Liam whispered. “I know it’s selfish. I don’t have any right to make demands on your life, and I’ll completely understand if you want, or need, a clean break from... from all of this, but I...”

I love you.

The words caught in his throat. Not because they weren’t true, but because they were. He had known it for a while now, and there was no doubt in his mind as the words clicked into place. They still had a long way to go in getting to know each other, and Liam wanted nothing more than to have the chance to do just that. But dropping that declaration on him now might have swayed a decision that should have been all Jonah’s.

Before he could think of a way to reroute his sentence, Jonah’s warm hand closed over his, gripping tight.

“I don’t want to lose you either,” he said. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“It is?” He didn’t even care that he sounded pathetically relieved.

Jonah smiled. “Rather poorly, it would seem,” he said. “But yes.”

They turned to each other, closing the huddle of their blanket even tighter around them. For a brief flash, Jonah’s eyes dipped to Liam’s mouth, and Liam was sure he was about to kiss him. Instead, Jonah dipped his chin to hide his face away.

“Liam,” he said. “I don’t know how any of this is going to play out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I get to Indiana, or if I’m making the right decision by going in the first place, and I’m—” He stopped to breathe, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “My whole life is a mess, and I don’t know how much I have to offer you. I don’t know if I can be what you want me to. Yet. Ever. I don’t know. I don’t know. ”

“Hey,” Liam interjected. “Just take a breath.”

Jonah struggled to comply. It reminded Liam of the string of nights he had spent coaxing Jonah out of night terrors, slowly bringing him back to earth. Jonah had one fist clutched around the edge of the blanket, the other tangled in the front of Liam’s shirt.

“I just don’t want to lead you on,” he said desperately. “Or string you along, or...”

“You’re not.” Liam shook his head firmly. “You aren’t doing any of that. The fact that you want to be in my life at all is more than I could ask for.” He dipped his head to the side, trying to catch Jonah’s eyes. “Hey, you’re my friend first. Okay? The best one I’ve ever had. Anything else...” He waved his free hand in front of him. “We’ve got time to figure out the rest.”

Jonah nodded, and Liam could see the desperation with which he clung to Liam’s words.

“What if I’m not okay?” Jonah asked. “What if I’m not okay for a long time?”

Liam tilted his head, resting it against Jonah’s temple.

“I’m not timing you,” he promised. “But you will be okay. And I’ll be here for you while you get there. Call me. Text me. I’ll invest in a carrier pigeon or tie two cups together with a really, really long string. Whatever.”

Jonah smiled, and it was contagious.

“And you know what?” Liam couldn’t help but add. “I can come visit. I happen to have accumulated a lot of hotel points over the past few months. Like, a lot of hotel points.”

A warm puff of breath that might have been laughter tickled Liam’s skin. A second later, a tiny pinprick of cold stung his cheek, then another. Liam blinked and lifted his head to find the sky speckled with falling snow. He chose to take that as a good omen.

A quick peek at his phone confirmed that it was after midnight now. Christmas Day.

“Would it be alright if I hugged you?” he asked Jonah, who nodded like he had only been waiting on the invitation.

Liam pulled him in tight, escaping into the warmth and solidity of his body. He never wanted to let go.