Page 59 of A Secret and a Lie

@dc_d0ll: I had my favorite food last night with my best friend. French onion soup with extra crusty bread. I’ve spent years trying to find the best one in D.C.

@livingh3ll: Damn, some fresh bread sounds amazing. Not even a racoon would eat the trash they call food here.

@dc_d0ll: I’m the worst cook imaginable. I’m not sure I could make waffles without burning my apartment building to the ground. Trust me, the racoons would totally prefer whatever you’re eating.

@livingh3ll: I don’t know about the racoons, but I’d rather have your ash-flavored waffles.

@livingh3ll: It’s fucking game night on baseand I don’t want to go.

@dc_d0ll: Not a big fan of games?

@livingh3ll: Not really, but I am a fan of you.

@dc_d0ll: Bold statement for a guy who’s never even seen me.

@livingh3ll: What’s that saying? “When you know, you know?”

@dc_d0ll: Well, I don’t know what you know, but I know I like you.

@livingh3ll: You can’t make me blush. If the other guys in my unit see, they’ll never let me live it down.

@dc_d0ll: Something tells me you aren’t a big blusher.

@livingh3ll: You’re going to have to see for yourself.

@dc_d0ll: What’s your favorite color?

@livingh3ll: Blue. Sometimes I wonder ifwhen my parents see that color, they think about me since that’s the color of my eyes. What’s yours?

@dc_d0ll: Red. I don’t have red eyes though, but my parents would probably disagree if those are really the eye color of demons.

@livingh3ll: What color are your eyes?

@dc_d0ll: Hazel.

@livingh3ll: That’s the exact eye color all angels have, I would know.

@dc_d0ll: And how would you know that?

@livingh3ll: Because I’m talking to one.

@livingh3ll: Howwould you spend a free Saturday?

@dc_d0ll: Curled up with a movie and a stack of cookies or maybe a piece of cake. What would you be doing?

@livingh3ll: I’d hit the gym, then ask what time I should be at your place to stuff my face next to you on the couch.

@dc_d0ll: What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get back?

@livingh3ll: I’ll beg you to show me every movie I’ve missed.

Ford

Abead of sweat breaks free from my hairline, sliding down my temple like a raindrop tracking down a windowpane. I swipe at it as I stare at the message thread in my inbox.

@dc_d0ll: Sometimes I wish I could invent a new version of myself, one whose parents never kicked her out. I could’ve chosen a different path in life.

The user @dc_d0ll and I have been chatting online almost every day for seven months. We’ve never shared our names, but we’ve shared every other part of ourselves: our insecurities, our traumas, our dreams. She’s a better therapist than Lieutenant Carver, at any rate.