Page 186
Story: A Season of Romance
“Miss Madeline.” He couldn’t stand the distance between them and took her good hand gently, his deep admiration for her propelling him forwards.
“Lord Wentworth!” Mrs. Debenham lowered her work. “Please.”
“I apologise.” He reluctantly released Maddie’s cold hand. In the past weeks, she’d been either too hot or too cold. “I deeply admire your courage, miss. In your situation, I would probably despair all day. Your strength is impressive.” He had to stop himself from saying he was sorry again.
She flashed a weak but genuine smile. “Thank you for your praise. Praises don’t come my way often.
” She threw a brief glance at her mother.
The gesture was so quick Hector wasn’t sure it’d happened.
“I’m too exhausted to think, be angry with anyone, or even despair.
That’s a positive thing about the situation, I guess.
You and His Grace have been of great help to me. ”
“I beg to differ.”
While she’d been bedridden, he’d been accepted to be part of the expedition.
Although he hadn’t applied to it after the incident.
Hell, he hadn’t even taken the golden pimpernel to the society.
But the rumour about the incident had spread.
Words about Hector having found a rare plant had reached the Royal Botanical Society, and the botanists had questioned him relentlessly.
His discovery of the golden pimpernel had created such an uproar in the scientific world the organiser of the expedition had begged him to join them.
Hector hadn’t answered yet. Oh, he wanted to accept but didn’t deserve it.
“Nonsense.” Her voice sounded small and fragile. It killed him. “You and the duke have saved my life. We couldn’t have afforded Dr. Wilton’s fees if it hadn’t been for your?—”
“Madeline!” Mrs. Debenham’s voice rang sharply. “Talking about money with a gentleman is most vulgar.”
A flush crept over Maddie’s face. A flare of anger at Mrs. Debenham burned the back of his mouth.
“Ma’am,” he said to the older lady. “I kindly request permission to speak to Miss Madeline alone.”
Mrs. Debenham arched her dark eyebrows. “For what reason, may I ask?”
“I’d like to discuss a personal matter with her and I promise on my honour”—or what was left of it—“that I will behave as a perfect gentleman.”
Mrs. Debenham opened her mouth, but Maddie cut her off. “Please Mother. Besides, what could possibly happen? I’m a corpse, for all intents and purposes, cold and stiff.”
“Please, Miss Madeline, don’t speak about yourself in those terms,” he said at the same time as Mrs. Debenham said, “You’ve become so vulgar.”
Maddie exhaled. “I guess having almost met my maker changed me, Mother.”
“All right.” Mrs. Debenham rose, muttering under her breath. “But the door remains open, Lord Wentworth.”
He bowed. “As you wish, ma’am.” He waited for the lady to leave the room before inching closer to Maddie.
“What is it?” As she propped herself up, the blanket slipped down a few inches, revealing her protruding collarbone.
Every time he noticed a sign of her frailty, he wanted to slap himself. “Miss Madeline, I must speak my mind.”
“Please do.” She tried to sit further upright but winced.
“Let me.” He laid his hat on a table and hurried to help her.
When he slid his arm around her waist, the bones in her rib cage touched his palm. She was so frail, all because of him. But he was going to take care of her from now on.
He inhaled her sweet lavender scent and made sure the pillows were behind her back.
For a brief moment, he met her gaze, and her eyes held him captive with their brightness.
It was as if she begged him not to hurt her again.
A cold pang sliced through his chest. He finally understood what Robert had meant the night of the incident when he’d made his speech about ducal responsibilities.
He was ready to pay for what he’d done and be a man Robert would be proud to call his brother.
“What did you want to tell me?” she asked, averting her gaze.
He cleared his throat and straightened. “I thought a lot about what I did and the weight of my responsibility towards you.”
She narrowed her gaze, but didn’t say anything.
“I am lucky enough to be a man of means. My brother holds the title, but I receive a generous allowance that would provide for you more than handsomely.”
“Lord Wentworth.” Her voice was so low and fragile he couldn’t understand if she was shocked or delightfully surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“I speak without the consent of your honourable father because I wanted to pay you respect and know your opinion on the matter before making a formal request.”
Her lips parted, and a deliciously healthy blush blossomed in her cheeks. “Just so we’re perfectly clear, are you proposing a marriage?”
“I am.” He took a deep breath and waited for her answer.
She tugged the cover up, her blush intensifying. “I deeply thank you for your attention and I feel humbled and honoured by your proposal, but I must decline it.”
Blazes. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but the stab piercing his chest knocked the air out of his lungs. “May I ask why you declined my offer?” Even his voice sounded odd to his own ears.
“You want to marry me out of pity. I want to marry for affection,” she said, reclining on the pillows.
“Not pity,” he protested, squaring his shoulders. “Quite the opposite. I think you’re one of the strongest persons I’ve ever met. I do not pity you. I admire you.”
“It’s duty then. Your sense of responsibility. Guilt.” She shook her head. “I don’t wish you to be tied to me forever only because you think I’m your responsibility. Duty, pity, and responsibility aren’t good foundations for a long, happy marriage.”
“You’ll forgive my bluntness, Miss Madeline, but I’m the reason you’re currently lying on that chaise, weak and ill. I ruined your chances of being accepted into the academy. I owe you a dream.”
“That’s what I mean.” She pointed a finger at him. “While I agree the incident had its sad consequences for me and that you caused it, I don’t want you to feel obliged to marry me. You took care of me in the past weeks without me being your wife.”
“But a marriage would protect you from further unpleasant situations. You’ll be free to pursue your passion.” He glanced at the armchair where Mrs. Debenham had sat. “I would always support your dream of being a painter.”
She let out a soft chuckle that turned into a cough.
“Lord Wentworth, you don’t have to bind yourself to me forever to protect me.
I appreciate the thought, but I want to marry someone I love and who loves me, not someone who feels trapped by guilt for an unfortunate incident and tries to make himself feel better. ”
His face heated with emotion. “I don’t wish to marry you to make myself feel better.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Be honest with me and yourself.”
He couldn’t speak because some of what she’d said was true. He did mean to marry her because he believed it was his duty as a gentleman and a decent human being. And yes, he wanted to get rid of his sense of guilt.
But in the past weeks, while they’d talked to each other and come to know each other better, he’d also discovered she was clever and sensible, strong and witty, pretty and delightful.
He liked her. He liked her emerald eyes, pink lips, rare smiles, and the way she stood up for herself.
Was it love? He hadn’t the foggiest. Not yet maybe?
But weren’t some marriages based on less than mutual respect?
She was a gentlemen’s daughter. Her father wasn’t titled but was a gentleman.
They were well-matched. Maybe she didn’t like him at all.
If that was the case, there was no hope for him.
“Please, Lord Wentworth.” She coughed in her handkerchief. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate you. But a marriage would be a mistake for both of us. This is my choice.”
“And I will respect it.” He bowed and took his hat, hoping to hide his disappointment. “I understand. I won’t importune you further, but I hope you’ll allow me to visit you in the future. Please.”
She flushed again. “By all means, yes. I…” She waved around. “I love the flowers.”
Ouch. Another stab to his chest, but he took it like a gentleman.
“And your company,” she hurried to say, but he recognised a hasty attempt to repair the damage when he was at the receiving end of it. “Please come back.”
“Thank you.”
“Besides,” she said in a high-pitched tone, “aren’t you about to leave for South America?”
He frowned. “No. I haven’t agreed to join the expedition. I wasn’t planning to. May I ask you how you know about it?”
“His Grace came here the other day to inquire about my health, and while we were chatting, he told me the Royal Botanical Society insisted that you go. You were right about how precious the plant was. You’ve realised your dream.”
Was she trying to get rid of him for good? Was he being too obnoxious and suffocating? Bugger, he had no idea. “I’m not sure I should go.”
“But it’s your dream. Why wouldn’t you go? Oh, Lord Wentworth.” She huffed and coughed. “Don’t tell me you want to stay here for me because you feel guilty.”
“I am guilty. I don’t deserve the opportunity to realise my dream while I destroyed yours.”
Her lips pressed tightly in a fashion reminiscent of her mother. “At least one of us will be happy and fulfil their dreams.”
“Miss Madeline?—”
“Lord Wentworth, honestly.” She exhaled.
“Your consideration is admirable, but I don’t want you to become a martyr out of guilt for my sake.
You made a mistake. Yes, my opportunity to impress Mrs. Blanchet is gone, but thank heavens I’m alive, and with a bit of luck and your family’s help, I’ll paint again and have my fellowship.
I haven’t abandoned my dream. I have never asked you to sacrifice yourself for me. I don’t want you to.”
“I don’t want to go. You haven’t improved and I don’t think I should leave London whilst you aren’t fully recovered.”
“Remain in London and do what? Come here every day?” She propped herself up on her elbows. “You’ve done enough, neglecting your preparations for the trip. I’ll heal, Lord Wentworth, whether you are here or not. Please go. Fulfil your dream. For both of us.”
He was impressed both by her passion and the fact she managed to say all that without coughing. Still, the idea of leaving didn’t bring any spark of joy to him, just a sense of hollowness.
“Would you at least agree to receive an allowance? I’m more than happy to share my allowance with you. Forever. Even after you marry.” Oddly enough, the last thought caused a fresh pang to his chest. He must have said something wrong again because she stiffened.
“Your brother was kind enough to promise to help me get a recommendation for the academy and receive a fellowship since my parents don’t want to support me, or at least my mother doesn’t.
” She waved a hand as if to dismiss the subject.
“My hope is to be able to support myself. I am that stubborn. I’m not proud of it, but not ashamed either. So, thank you, but I can’t accept.”
He swallowed his humiliation and bowed again. Apparently, his kindness, money, and company weren’t required. Or maybe he really suffocated her with his attention, and she wished to see him gone.
“As usual, I wish you a quick recovery.” He put his hat on and left the room, trying to look as dignified as possible.
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