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“ Y ou sent Fergus to follow me around?”
Penelope burst into Alexander’s study without so much as a word in advance, or even a knock. She had not even bothered to return to Isadora’s estate, and instead insisted that she be dropped off directly at Alexander’s estate.
To his credit, Alexander only looked at Penelope in surprise. He rubbed his eyes like he could not believe she was here in the flesh. He stood up once he realized his mind was not playing tricks on him.
“Penelope?”
“Oh, do not Penelope me,” she walked further into the room. “You sent your man after me? Is that truly what you’ve stooped to, Your Grace?”
“I have not sent any of my bodyguards to your aid,” Alexander replied, straightening his back. He was so nonchalant that Penelope would have almost believed it if she was not so sure of what she had seen.
“So you have decided to not admit it,” Penelope said. “See, this is the thing I do not understand about you. You were the only who asked me to leave this estate, and then you have me followed around. In what world does that make the least bit of sense?”
“You have no proof,” Alexander responded.
“I know what I saw. Or felt,” she added. To his credit, he had been sly enough to go unseen.
“Perhaps you mistook him for another. I would not be surprised since you have a rather over-active imagination.”
“Do not play the fool with me,” Penelope snapped. “You sent him. What is the use of lying when I know the truth for certain? You’ve had me followed.”
“Suppose I had sent Fergus,” he admitted finally, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “What of it?”
The gall of this man. They had only been away from each other for three days, and Penelope had forgotten just what he was like when he was so desperately trying to make a point.
“ What of it? Alexander, you told me to leave. You made it perfectly clear I was no longer welcome in this house, in your life. And then you send a man to follow me as though…” she paused for a moment, “as though you actually care about what I am doing.”
He was silent for a moment.
“Do you not see just how confusing that is for me?” Penelope continued. “I made my mistake. Let me pay for it. Don’t come offering me false hope.”
“It is not false hope,” Alexander’s gaze held hers, “It was for your protection.”
At least he was admitting to something. It was not much, but it was a start.
“But why do you even care about keeping me protected?” she questioned him. “You made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want me in your life, Alexander. You cannot have it both ways.”
Alexander rose slowly from his chair.
“Penelope, can you for a moment…”
She stepped back.
“No. Don’t say my name like that. I do not need any of this. Pretending you still care, that’s not kindness, Alexander. That’s cruelty.”
“How are you so certain that it is only pretense?”
“Because I am.”
“So I see that your stubbornness has blinded you here as well,” Alexander shook his head. Penelope felt at a loss for words.
What was he trying to get at here? Was he somehow suggesting that none of this was pretend and that he might actually care for her?
“Now, you are playing games with me,” she said at once. “And I do not appreciate it, even for a moment.”
“There are no games,” Alexander walked closer to her. “You act as though you are so smart, but then you cannot figure out what is right in front of your eyes.”
Penelope opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again. She was not quite sure what he was trying to say.
“Really?” Alexander urged her. “Do you really wish for me to spell it out for you?”
“Considering how you confuse me with every single action of yours, I believe that it is the right thing for you to do,” Penelope nodded. “I do not understand your little riddles, as much as I try to.”
Alexander rubbed his open palm against his face, and then willed himself to look at her again.
“It’s my fault,” he said.
“What?” Penelope blinked. It was rare to see him take blame for anything.
“It’s all my fault,” he said again,louder this time. “Not yours. I know you feel guiltyabout what happened at the park. But none of it had anything to do with you. I am not so naive that I would put the blame on you.”
“But you did,” Penelope spoke again. “That is exactly what you did, when you asked me to leave the estate. You said that I can no longer be trusted. How can you take that back now?”
“I said that to make you leave,” Alexander pressed his lips together. “But now, I realize that it was a mistake. I thought I could send you away and keep you safe. I thought it was the only way to do so.”
“For my own safety?” Penelope repeated, aghast. “You sent me away from both of you for my own safety?”
“It won't make sense to you,” he sighed. “And you can choose not to believe me. But this is the truth that I have been carrying inside for the last few days. But it’s been eating me up . I have thought about you every moment since you left.”
Penelope paused at that. Her heart was thumping loudly inside her chest.
“You thought about me?” Penelope stuttered. “I.. I had assumed that you would not spare me a single thought, and I would be forgotten.”
Alexander shook his head, laughing dryly.
“If only it were so easy, then I would have been in a much more convenient position,” he sighed. “But it is not. You are the greatest inconvenience of my life.”
Penelope did not know whether she should rejoice or take offense .
“I am not trying to be an inconvenience…”
“But you are,” he was smiling now. “It is entirely inconvenient to love you, but I do, anyway.”
It felt like the world had suddenly come to a halt. Nothing else seemed to matter except the words that had just come out of his mouth.
“You…” she said, flushed. “You… what?”
“I love you,” he said simply. His words had shifted the very air in the room.
“I love you, Penelope.” He took another step, his voice trembling now.
“And that terrifies me more than anything else in this cursed world. Because it means I cannot bear the thought of harm coming to you. Because it means I want to hold you close, and yet let you go, because you deserve the freedom you always longed for.”
Penelope’s throat was parched. He loves me. That was all she could think of, barely registering anything else he had said to her.
“That’s what I promised you. Freedom,” he continued. “But here I am trying to restrict that from you.”
Penelope stared at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
“You love me,” she echoed softly, unable to move on from those words.
“Yes, you stubborn, beautiful woman,” he shook his head. “I love you.”
An incredulous laugh escaped her lips, mingled with a sob. What could she say to this?
“You are silly.”
“I beg your pardon?” Alexander asked, taken aback for a moment.
She stepped toward him now, feeling that the distance between them was too large.
“Do you want to know the truth, Alexander?”
It would not matter what his response would be, because she was going to tell him anyway. “I’ve broken every rule you set, only because…”
She steeled herself. She had never done something like this before.
“Because I love you, too. And I couldn’t help myself.”
“Penelope…” his voice came out hoarse. Her confession seemed to have impacted him more than he let on.
“Don’t you dare pity me, if that is what you will say,” Penelope urged. “I do not wish to be ashamed of loving you.”
“I could never.” He took a step closer to her. There was barely any space between them now. “Do you… do you understand what you’re saying?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything.” She lifted her face to meet his. “I love you, Alexander. And I’ve made a mess of it. And I am sorry….”
He silenced her with a kiss. It was sudden, consuming, stealing the breath from her lungs before she could finish her sentence. His hands framed her face, as though afraid she might vanish if he didn’t hold her .
Penelope let out a soft gasp against his lips, her hands finding their way to his chest, curling into the fabric of his waistcoat. When he finally pulled back, their foreheads rested together.
She needed this more than she knew.
“We love each other,” Penelope admitted. “That has to count for something. Why do two people who love each other need to live apart?”
It was a genuine question, and Alexander mulled over it for a moment.
“Of all the things I’ve tried to give you, Penelope… freedom was the one I thought mattered most.”
She drew back just enough to meet his gaze.
“Freedom doesn’t mean leaving you behind. You don’t get to decide what I choose.”
“You’ve always longed for independence,” He frowned faintly. “I do not wish to constrain you, as your father did.”
“You are not him,” she corrected him. “And if it comes from you, then I wish to be constrained.”
His eyes darkened with possessiveness as she said the words, and he kissed her again. This time, it was the barest of pecks.
“You would be fine if I were to track your every move?”
“Only if you do it out of love,” Penelope nodded.
“And if one day you resent me for it?”
“I will never resent you,” Penelope shook her head. “That is not a possibility. But I will resent you, if you choose to keep me away, even when it makes sense for the both of us to be together like this.”
“You… truly wish to stay?”
“Have I not made myself plain enough, Your Grace?”
A faint laugh escaped him, and his hands slipped from her face to cradle her waist, drawing her nearer.
“I’ve never understood a woman less in my entire life.”
“Good. Perhaps now you’ll stop assuming you know what’s best for me.”
“I don’t assume…”
She cut him off.
“You told me you love me. And I love you. And we’ve made a tangled mess of things, haven’t we?” Her lips trembled faintly. “But love doesn’t need to be perfect to be worth fighting for.”
“I don’t deserve your fight,” Alexander’s throat worked as he swallowed.
“But that does not stop me,” She dropped her hand to rest it over his heart. “You have all of me. Even the stubborn and reckless parts.”
“Penelope…”
“You sent me away because you thought it was noble. Because you believed it was the only way to protect me.” She pressed her palm firmer against his chest, feeling the frantic heartbeat beneath. “But the truth is, you only left me vulnerable to a different kind of harm. You left me alone.”
“I never wanted to be free from you,” she whispered. “I wanted to be free with you.”
Alexander’s hands gripped her waist tighter.
“I’ll be selfish this time,” he murmured against her temple. “I won’t send you away again.”
“You promise?”
“I swear it.”
“And if danger finds us?”
“I’ll stand between you and every threat,” he vowed softly. “I’ll make certain no harm touches you again.”
“You cannot promise the impossible, Alexander.”
“No,” he agreed quietly. “But I can die trying.”
A tear slid down her cheek, and he caught it with his thumb, brushing it gently away.
“You drive me mad,” he confessed, shaking his head. “Utterly mad.”
“You’ve always been mad,” she teased faintly. “You simply needed me to reveal it.”
“I love you,” he whispered again.
“And I you.”
Their foreheads pressed together again. After a long moment, Penelope drew back slightly, her brow knitting in contemplation.
“Do you truly mean it, Alexander?”
“I like it when you say my name.”
“Answer my question,” she said. “Will you let me stay?”
“I won’t let you stay,” he corrected gently, “I’ll ask you to stay. Every day, for the rest of our lives. It was never my place to ask you to leave anyway. This estate is just as much yours as it is mine.”
“Somehow, I cannot imagine you asking me everyday,” a small smile formed on Penelope’s face.
“Then you will need to sharpen your imagination,” he said . “Like now, I am asking you to stay. Darling.”
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when he called her that. This was something that she could get used to.
“I will.”
“Even if it’s not easy,” he said.
“I don’t want easy.”
“Even if it’s dangerous? I am not a man who has lived an easy life.”
“I’ll take the risk,” Penelope smiled. “It keeps things interesting for me, anyway.”
Alexander let out a shaky exhale, his forehead dropping once more against hers.
“Then God help me, I’ll never let you go again.”
“And I’ll never walk away again,” she promised softly.
He cupped her face once more, framing her with such gentleness it nearly undid her. “One more kiss, and then…”
It was almost like he could not get enough of her. But she felt the same way. It was like he was air, and she needed more of him.
“And then?” she asked.
“And then I shall lock the door and never let another soul interrupt us again.”
Penelope laughed, tipping her head back as his lips found hers again. And for the first time since they’d met, neither of them held anything back.
Somehow, she had ended up back in Alexander’s arms. But this time, things felt different between the two of them. There was less hesitation.
It felt like she had heard him be fully honest with her for the first time ever, when it came to his feelings about her. And it was something that she could happily get used to.
“We will be just fine,” she murmured against his skin. There were so many people whom she had to inform – the staff, Odette, and her own sister. But Penelope could not care about anything else at this moment.
This is what it feels like to be in love , she said to herself. It was not something she had ever thought she would experience.
Table of Contents
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- Page 39 (Reading here)
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