Page 4 of A Rose Among Snakes (Gardens of Ruin and Revival)

Chapter Three

I t was a grueling night for us all. We had set Jem up in my room downstairs next to our mother’s bedroom, while I took the loft he shared with the twins. Mother and I had carried him home, one arm slung over each of our shoulders. It wasn’t entirely clear if his weakness stemmed from drinking in excess or the insane laughter erupting from him, but regardless, my mother berated him the entire walk home.

For hours, the sound of Jem’s heaving echoed off the wooden walls while our mother murmured and soothed him. When he wasn’t vomiting, though, he was moaning and begging for someone to help him. I lay in bed, Savine and Sashir asleep on either side, their arms wrapped around me for comfort. Listening to Jem’s agony as his high dissipated was gut-wrenching. I hadn’t stopped trembling since we had arrived home. Once the shock wore off, my mind was racing, replaying every horrific moment, but my body didn’t seem to understand I was not in danger. My limbs twitched at random intervals, and when Mother called for me, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Beside me, Sashir snored and rolled to face away. I pried Savine off my body, brushing her wild blonde curls away from her face before sliding out of the bed and descending the creaking ladder in a rush.

I found my mother in a chair beside Jehiam’s bed. She was holding a wet cloth to his forehead and turned to look at me as I stepped on a squeaking floorboard. Her normally tidy hair was tumbling loose around her face, and her lips were pressed into a thin line.

“Mihrra, we need more water.”

“How is he?” I asked as I took the empty bucket from where it rested at her feet.

“Not well, but it appears to be subsiding.”

Jehiam cried out, writhing in pain. His back arched off the mattress then dropped just as quickly. He whimpered but relaxed as my mother swiped away the tear rolling down his cheek.

My stomach lurched and I rushed outside into the brisk night air to fill the bucket at the well, grateful for the opportunity to escape the misery inside that room. I left it with my mother without taking another peek at Jem. I crawled back into the cramped bed with the twins and shut my eyes.

How could I even fathom leaving my family like this?

I was standing high up on a cliff edge overlooking a raging river bathed in moonlight. I heard the crunch of a footstep upon crumbling rock behind me, but when I turned around, my heel slipped over the edge. I couldn’t even scream as I fell, barely catching myself on the rock above my head. Panting, I glanced up to see a familiar face staring down at me, the corners of his gold-brown eyes creased with disappointment.

“Father, help me,” I gasped.

“You let me down, Mihrra.”

His words were a knife to my heart, but before I could reply, he bared his teeth and stomped on my fingers. The scream shredded my throat as I plummeted through the air and crashed into the glacial rapids.

My eyes flew open, a yelp from the back of my throat muffled by my closed lips. I sat up in bed, jostling Savine next to me. I pressed my hand against my pounding chest and took in my surroundings. Sunlight streamed in through the dusty window at my right, warming the wooden floors. A small pile of toys sat in the far corner of the loft, one of which was a doll with yellow yarn hair, a stitched-on smile, and one black button eye staring at me. I rubbed my face and swung my legs over to plant my bare feet on the ground.

Downstairs, I saw the door of my room, where Jehiam slept, was shut. My mother’s bedroom door was also closed, and it was a relief to have the early morning to myself. I set about preparing breakfast, trying to shake off the remnants of my dream. I hadn’t heard the door open, but I turned around from the oven and was startled at the sight of Jehiam standing by the table.

For the second time that morning, I pressed my hand to my chest. “ Jem, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” he croaked, pulling out a chair with a shaking hand. I set a pan of eggs on the table as he sat down. He sniffed at them and grimaced, turning his head away. Chuckling, I placed them at the other end of the table and poured him a glass of water.

“Serves you right. I should make you eat them anyway.”

“Please don’t.” He sipped the water, and I examined his face. His skin was splotchy and he had dark circles under his eyes. His cheekbones appeared sharper than before, and a faint bruise shadowed his left cheek from where I had hit him while trying to wake him up.

“Sorry for that.” I gestured to his face.

He felt the bruise and a corner of his mouth quirked up. “Serves me right?”

“Exactly.” I brought a plate of biscuits over and offered him one. He took it and nibbled on the crispy edge. “So…”

He lifted his gold-brown eyes to my face.

“How do you feel?”

“Awful,” he groaned.

I bobbed my head up and down. My benevolence toward him was fading and giving way to anger again. I kept my voice steady as I asked, “Why?”

Jehiam shrugged. That was it.

“You have nothing to say for yourself?”

His gaze dropped to the table and his brows narrowed. He chewed on the biscuit and lifted one shoulder .

I was used to one-word and non-verbal answers from him, but this morning I’d reached my limit. “What am I supposed to do with you? You’re seventeen years old, Jem.”

He glared at me. “You don’t have to do anything with me. You’re not my mother.”

“I may as well be.”

“I never asked for that,” he spat.

My hands balled into fists as my chest heaved. “Well, neither did I. And now because of you and your inability to think of anyone other than yourself, I’m going to be stuck here forever.”

“What do you mean?” My mother asked sharply, making me cringe as I looked over Jehiam's shoulder to where she stood in her bedroom doorway.

Too late, I realized what I had said. While lying awake last night, I had decided I would write to the housekeeper at Blaise Manor and tell her I could no longer accept the position. I was never going to tell my family about it.

Ashamed, I said, “Mother, I’m sorry if we woke you.”

She stared at me with her blue eyes blazing, hands on her hips, her dark braid, messy from a long night, laying haphazardly over her shoulder.

“What do you mean you're going to be stuck here forever?”

I swallowed. Now was as good a time as any. “I was offered a prestigious position in Port Deering, and I was supposed to leave tomorrow. But I won’t be doing that anymore. ”

Anger flashed in her eyes. “How could you? What would ever possess you to go there?” Before I had a chance to answer, she’d spun on her heel and slammed the bedroom door shut behind her.

I stood in the kitchen staring after her, my appetite gone. I turned back to the burner and pulled the pan of bacon off, blowing out the flame. I set it on the table and dropped into a chair. Jehiam picked at his biscuit and mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that?” I snapped.

He cleared his throat. “Port Deering is the last place he went.”

I stayed silent and met his weary gaze.

“Was that intentional?”

I crossed my arms. “A little bit.”

Jem nodded his head and took a second biscuit from the plate. It was an encouraging sign that he had an appetite.

“I think you should go.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Want me gone that badly?”

He held my gaze, expression remaining sincere. “We deserve to know the truth about what happened to our father. And if there’s anyone who could figure it out, it’s you.”

I froze. Perhaps I had been underestimating my brother. “What makes you think I planned on looking into it?”

A spark lit in his eyes. “Because you’re a bossy know-it-all.”

“That’s my role as your older sister,” I retorted, but I rolled my lips together trying not to smile.

Jehiam stared at the biscuit in his hand, nostrils flaring. “And I know you hate not knowing how he died as much as I do.” Then he looked up at me and said, “Something we finally have in common.”

He grinned and the softening of his face eased the tension I was still carrying in my body from the day before. He took a piece of bacon and chewed on the end, the muscles in his jaw working. Observing the sharpness of his jawline and the angle of his heavy brow was jarring. Aside from Jehiam’s shaven face, the resemblance to our father was astounding, but I hadn’t noticed it until then.

Since my father's death, every milestone in my life had been tainted with grief. As it turned out, I’d had a piece of him with me the whole time in Jehiam, but I was too busy seeing him as nothing more than a troublesome little boy to notice; but I saw it then.

Under my scrutiny a flush bloomed high on his cheekbones, and he surprised me by saying, “I’m lonely, Mihrra.”

A pit of unease opened in my stomach, but I kept quiet and let him talk.

“I feel like he was the only one who ever truly saw me, and when he died… I felt abandoned. Mother had to start working and you took her place. I know the twins were only a year old and needed more attention, but I was nine. I still needed someone to look after me, too.”

Pieces of my heart crumbled, the dust drifting upward to catch in my throat. I had been harsh on him these last nine years. I figured since I had to grow up quickly, so did he and Ambrelle. But I had utterly failed him. My dream came back to me, my father’s words eerily fitting, as if my subconscious knew Jem’s behavior yesterday was my fault.

“I’m so sorry, Jem.” I choked back tears. “I’m sorry I let you down.” I couldn’t say more without crying.

“I’m eighteen, by the way,” he said in a low voice.

I sniffled, still internally berating myself and not quite catching his words. “What?”

“Earlier, you said I was seventeen, but I’m eighteen now. Yesterday was my birthday.”

The pit in my stomach yawned wide open.

He continued, his voice going hoarse, “I just wanted to be happy. That’s why I did it. I couldn’t think of any other way.”

We had planned Ambrelle’s wedding on Jehiam’s birthday. We all had forgotten him.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he repeated. “I just wanted to be happy.”

There was no helping it anymore. I got out of my chair and wrapped my arms around my little brother. We cried together, sharing honest emotions with each other for perhaps the first time in our lives.

Jehiam wiped his eyes and pulled back saying, “That’s why you need to go, Mihrra. We both deserve the truth.”

I sat in my chair again. “Jem, I can’t leave you all. Not like this. Not now.”

“No, this is the perfect time. And you didn’t let me down. In fact, if it wasn’t for you, I might be dead. ”

I hadn’t allowed myself to think of that possibility, but hearing him say the words knocked the air from my lungs.

“With Ambrelle gone, Mother is going to need me more than ever,” I said, shaking my head to clear the image of his limp body.

“Give me a chance to step up. And don’t let yourself get so hung up on what Mother thinks all the time. Trust me, she’ll be fine.” At my skeptical look, he continued, “I learned my lesson. I’m going to straighten things out now. It’s your time, Mihrra.”

I knew he was right, but it was unfathomable to let go of the sense of responsibility that comes with being the oldest daughter, especially when it had been a part of me for twenty-four years.

With a shaky nod, I said, “Alright, I’ll go.”