Page 10 of A New Chapter in Rosewood Beach (Rosewood Beach #7)

CHAPTER EIGHT

Faith leaned back in her office chair and rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

She was sitting in her cozy home office, where she now made a living by doing sporadic legal work.

There was a glass of iced lavender matcha at her elbow, and she was dressed comfortably in one of her favorite sundresses.

Ordinarily, she had no trouble concentrating on her work, and she’d been greatly enjoying working from home.

It allowed her to feel relaxed and serene while she made a living.

She liked being able to wear whatever she wanted, even sweatpants sometimes.

She liked being close to her kitchen so that she could easily get up to make herself tea or coffee or grab a snack from the cupboard.

Additionally, the place she’d found to live in Rosewood Beach was charming and cozy, with windows that opened out onto beautiful flower gardens. She liked to keep the windows open whenever it was cool enough, so that blossom-scented breezes could blow into her office.

Ordinarily, under circumstances like this, she focused extremely well. Today, however, she just couldn’t seem to apply her mind to the task before her. Try as she might, she seemed unable to think about anything besides her recent conversation with Ryan.

She felt worried by the fact that he’d said he never pictured himself getting married.

She’d simply assumed that he would be open to the idea if their relationship progressed that far, but now she was wondering if perhaps he would never be willing to consider it.

How could they have come this far in their relationship without ever really discussing the future in that context?

Her anxieties had been growing as she’d sat there, trying and failing to concentrate on her work. Her heart had tightened as she’d become more and more afraid that things between them weren’t going to work out after all.

She covered her face, fighting the fear that perhaps their relationship would come to an end. A few tears slipped out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

It’s been so good though, she thought, her heart aching. So much better than I ever could have dreamed.

She didn’t want to lose Ryan, but she also didn’t want to stay in a relationship with a man who wasn’t going to be willing to marry her someday. She wanted marriage and children, and she needed a man who was interested in those things as well.

She was just taking a sip of her iced lavender matcha, trying to steady her nerves, when there was a knock on her front door.

She looked up, curious. She hadn’t been expecting a visitor or a package, and she had no idea who the person at the front door might be.

She wiped her eyes and stood up, hurriedly making her way to the front door.

Just before opening it, she checked her reflection in a hallway mirror, making sure she didn’t look as though she’d just been crying.

“Alexis!” she said eagerly, thrilled to see her smiling cousin standing there on her doorstep.

“Hi!” Alexis gave her a big hug. “Do you have a minute? I was just picking up the prints of my maternity photo shoot, and the photography studio had the three we want to hang up in the house framed for us. They look so cute I wanted to show them off.”

Faith smiled. The photography studio was just around the corner from her home, so it made sense that she was the first person Alexis went to with her excitement over the prints. It made her feel special, though, that Alexis wanted to share her joy with her.

“I would love to,” she said, realizing that her nose was still running a little from crying. “Come on into the living room and sit down. I’ll grab us some snacks from the kitchen. One sec.”

She hurried off into the kitchen before Alexis could say anything else.

She wanted to blow her nose and pull herself together before sitting down to look at the prints.

She was thrilled for her cousin, but she knew it would be hard for her to look at maternity photoshoot pictures while she was feeling so sad about possibly not having the kind of future with Ryan that she’d been hoping to have.

She blew her nose and wiped her cheeks again, just to be sure there were no tear streaks left there. She grabbed a jar of cheddar popcorn and a couple of root beers out of the refrigerator and headed back into the living room.

“Thanks for the snacks,” Alexis said happily as Faith set the goodies down on the coffee table. “I guess my reputation proceeds me. I’m always ready for a snack.”

Faith laughed. “I could use a snack too. And a break—I’ve been having trouble concentrating.”

“I’m glad to be a welcome diversion.” Alexis grinned as she popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Hopefully after this you can concentrate better.”

“Hopefully.” Faith smiled. “But I still have plenty of time to finish this project. I might just call it a day in a little while and do the work another time.” She could see a question rising to her cousin’s lips, so she hurried to change the subject.

She didn’t want to talk about why she was having trouble concentrating, at least not yet.

“Come on and open that bag. I’m dying to see the prints. ”

Alexis smiled eagerly and carefully wiped the cheesy popcorn powder from her fingers.

“They turned out so cute. We took them by the beach, and we chose one of just me and one of me and Grayson for the nursery, and then we have another one for the living room. The frames are going to look so nice in all the rooms.” She pulled one of the framed pictures from the bag with a flourish.

“Ta da! This one of me and Grayson that’s going to hang in the nursery is my favorite. Isn’t it adorable?”

It was darling, and Faith couldn’t help smiling when she saw it.

It was a photograph of Alexis and Grayson on the beach together, with a clear blue sky overhead.

Alexis was wearing a beautiful flowing purple dress that showed off her impressive baby bump, and Grayson was kneeling on the sand in front of her, kissing her pregnant belly.

“It’s perfect,” Faith said, and felt her voice catch a little. Tears threatened to return to her eyes, since the picture made her ache for a lifelong future with Ryan more than ever before. “Show me the other ones?”

“This one of just me is also for the nursery.” Alexis lifted another picture from the bag. “Both of the ones for the nursery have those gold and white frames, since the nursery walls are yellow. I think they’re going to look amazing in there.”

“They will.” Faith had seen the nursery, which had been painted a darling sunshine yellow because Grayson and Alexis didn’t know the gender of their baby yet. “You look beautiful in this picture, Alexis.”

“Aww, thank you! I like the way I’m smiling at the baby like, ‘I can’t wait until you’re here!

’ It looks like how I feel.” Alexis paused to smile down at her belly and then pulled the last frame out of the bag.

“This is the one for the living room. I thought this reddish wood frame would match the bookshelf and the wood of the mantelpiece.”

Faith smiled at the photograph, which showed Alexis and Grayson on the beach together again, this time with their arms around each other. They were both laughing, and the wind was sweeping Alexis’s hair and skirt to the side.

“Oh, it’s just beautiful,” Faith murmured, unable to keep her voice from shaking a little bit.

She felt as though she was just on the edge of beginning to cry again.

Seeing Alexis and Grayson looking so happy together in the picture made her imagine herself and Ryan taking similar pictures someday—but what if they never got that far?

Alexis looked at her cousin, clearly realizing that something was off with her. “Hey,” she said gently. “Is everything okay with you?”

Faith swallowed, suddenly wanting to share everything that was on her heart with Alexis. The kind woman sitting next to her wasn’t just her cousin, she was also a good friend. She knew that voicing her fears might make it easier for her to see her situation clearly.

“I—well, I’m worried about my future with Ryan.” Faith got the words out, and then her throat tightened up with a sudden threat of tears.

“Why?” Alexis put a hand on her knee. “Did something happen? You guys seemed totally good during the last dinner night he was at.”

Faith nodded, breathing in shakily. “We are—it’s not that we’re fighting or anything like that. I feel better about him than ever before, but—we were talking at his construction site the other day, and he said something that made me feel worried.”

“What?” Alexis leaned forward, looking concerned.

“Oh, it might not mean anything, but I brought him lunch, and he said he never expected to have a woman in his life who would do that for him. And I teased him that he expected to have a wife that wasn’t very nice to him, and then he said that he’d never seen himself as someone who was going to get married.

” She hiccupped as she held back more tears, and then there were a few beats of silence.

“That’s… that’s it?” Alexis asked.

Faith turned to her in surprise. “Yes.”

Alexis’s expression looked strange for a moment, and then Faith realized that her cousin was trying very hard not to smile.

“Faith,” Alexis said, and a laugh spilled out of her.

Faith laughed too, the feeling a welcome change from the crying. “What?” She threw a pillow at Alexis. “Why are you laughing at me?”

“I’m not laughing at you, I just—well, I think you’re really reading too much into this.

It’s sweet you care so much about Ryan that you’re so worried about what he said, but trust me, men do not think the same way we do.

” She made a face and continued. “Grayson says things all the time that I would never say unless I definitely meant something by it, but when I ask him about it, he’s like ‘What? I didn’t mean that at all.

’” She shook her head, chuckling. “I don’t think Ryan would choose that moment to offhandedly tell you that his intentions for your relationship aren’t serious. ”

“But I don’t think he was trying to tell me anything—I think that’s just what he feels.

Or, I’m worried that’s what he feels anyway.

Maybe he thinks that because we haven’t talked about wanting to get married someday, that means we’re both not planning on it.

That’s kind of the norm with city people, you know.

I’m just coming to realize that I really want a family and a home and a marriage with him, and now it looks as though I may never get those things with him. ”

Alexis nodded. “I understand what you’re saying.

But he seems like he really cares about you, Faith.

It’s not like people never change their minds about anything.

The two of you are still in the discussion stages of your relationship.

It’s totally okay to tell him what you want.

Then you can hear what he wants, if he even knows what that is yet.

Maybe what he wants is changing now that he’s dating you. ”

Faith bit her lip. “Or maybe he’s going to tell me that he’s sure he doesn’t want to marry anyone no matter what, and I’m going to have to end our relationship now before I get even more hurt.”

Alexis shook her head, and pushed a can of root beer and the jar of popcorn toward her cousin. “Eat something. Food helps you stop jumping to conclusions.”

Faith laughed. “Oh, it does, huh?”

“Yes. Clears the brain. When all you can think about is how good something tastes, your worries go on hold.”

Faith chuckled and took a sip of her root beer.

“Now the popcorn,” Alexis said firmly.

Faith grinned and popped some of the kernels of the cheesy popcorn into her mouth. She had to admit, they did make her feel a bit better.

“Now,” Alexis said, placing a hand firmly on her shoulder.

“You need to talk to Ryan about this. I know it feels scary, but you need to not be afraid to bring up the things that are important to you. There’s no point in hiding things like that from your partner.

You want to be close to him, and that starts with being willing to share things with him that feel risky to share. ”

“You’re right.” Faith nodded. “I do want to be close to him and feel like I can share anything with him.”

Usually, I do feel that way, she thought. But this? I’m so scared about what he’s going to say in response.

“Perfect. You talk with him about it, and I’m sure it’s all going to go great.”

“Okay.” Faith smiled at her cousin, but the thought of discussing the matter with Ryan made her sick to her stomach with dread.

“Come on,” Alexis said. “Let’s eat some more popcorn. Judging by the look on your face, you need some, and I’m always ready for a snack.”