Page 11 of A Mother’s Love

“I never met them. My mom’s grandparents died in France before her mother came to America.

And her mother died when she was eight. She’s never said why.

Her father died when she was fourteen. Her childhood is kind of a taboo subject, she doesn’t talk about it,” she whispered so Halley didn’t hear her.

“She never talked about it when we were kids, and still doesn’t. She’s a very private person.”

“What happened to her then?” he asked, curious about the woman who was visibly so crazy about her daughters, and so warm and welcoming to him. She was such a dedicated mother that he could easily imagine her coming from a loving home. “Did she live with relatives?”

“No. She spent four years in a state orphanage in New York. That I do know, but she never talks about that either. And she was on her own after that. Her father and his family had left her some money. She went to Connecticut College and then she met our father and had us. That’s about all I know.

I don’t think she had a happy childhood.

In fact, I think it’s safe to assume she didn’t, or she would talk about it.

She never mentions her parents, and changes the subject when we do. ”

“She’s such a warm, loving person.”

Valerie nodded, thoughtful. “I felt smothered by her when I was a kid, in my teens. Olivia didn’t mind it.

I did. She’s all right now, though. We’re the only family she has.

That’s a heavy weight for a kid to carry sometimes,” she said, and Seth nodded, thinking about his own family, which had been so dispersed and disrupted every time his parents got divorced and married someone else.

His mother had finally settled down and had been married to the same man for ten years.

But Seth and Peter’s childhood had been a mess.

“I always felt like I had no family, because everything changed all the time,” he said.

“New stepparents, boyfriends, girlfriends, stepsiblings. I couldn’t figure out who they were half the time, and I didn’t want to.

Every time I got to know them, they all split up again.

All I wanted was to get the hell out as fast as I could, and never see any of them again.

” She knew that his mother lived in Palm Springs with her latest husband, whom Seth described as “nice enough.” And his father lived in Mexico with a woman he’d married, and Seth hadn’t seen him in five years.

“Families scare me, or families like mine anyway. Your mother created a real family with the two of you. My brother thinks the way we grew up was funny. I never did. But he had me as a constant in his life that he could rely on. And he’s actually a good father to his own kids, in spite of the craziness we grew up with.

The woman he married is ridiculous. She’s an actress and only cares about herself. ”

Halley walked into the room then, and they made dinner together. Seth made a big bowl of pasta carbonara, from a recipe he’d gotten in Milan, which was delicious. Halley made a salad, and they put some of the leftover turkey and stuffing on the table, it was a relaxed, wonderful meal.

They were eating some of the leftover pie when Seth said something in passing about a boat and St. Bart’s, and all three women looked at him.

“You got the boat?” Valerie asked him. “You didn’t tell me.”

“They texted me yesterday, and I forgot. I had the bank wire them the money, so it’s secure,” he said, looking pleased, as Valerie glanced at Olivia, who knew nothing about it.

“I’ve chartered a very handsome yacht in the Caribbean over Christmas and New Year’s.

And you’re all welcome, of course,” he said generously, looking thrilled.

“We’re meeting it in St. Bart’s. It has six cabins, and we want you all to come.

The four of us, plus my brother, and I thought I should invite my mother and her husband.

We never go to Palm Springs to see her.” Halley looked paralyzed as he said it, and didn’t say anything.

“That leaves us one extra cabin. We could even take a friend.”

“My mother gets violently seasick just looking at boats,” Valerie explained in a choked voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He frowned at his wife.

“Because you said you didn’t get it, so it didn’t matter. You were on a waiting list.”

“The two groups ahead of us dropped out. So I’ve chartered it now.” He looked at Halley, who was smiling bravely, determined to be a good sport.

“It sounds like a fabulous opportunity,” she said kindly. “I don’t want to ruin the trip for you. I’d be sick the whole time. Robert and I took a cruise once. I was sick the entire time, either seasick or nearly comatose on medicine. We flew home after three days.”

“I feel terrible,” he said, as a pall settled over the table. “Are you sure?”

She nodded vehemently. “I promise. I’ll be fine here. And it will be nice for you to be with your mother and brother. You should have time with your family too,” she said fairly. “That’s what married people do.”

“What would you do, Mom, if we’re away for Christmas?” Olivia asked her, upset.

“I still have the second draft of the new book to do. It’s due in January.

I can work through the holidays, and have it ready early.

Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” She sounded cheerful about it, but Olivia knew her better, and hated to leave her alone, but the trip on a yacht in the Caribbean sounded incredible.

“Would you want to stay at a hotel in St. Bart’s, while we cruise around?

I was thinking we could visit various islands.

But at least you’d have the hotel and the beach,” Seth said.

It sounded even lonelier to her, in a strange place, alone at a hotel for Christmas, worse than being at home by herself.

But she’d been counting on spending Christmas with them, just like Thanksgiving.

It hadn’t occurred to her, or the twins, that they might go away.

It was costing Seth a fortune to charter a two-hundred-and-fourteen-foot yacht, and he was committed now.

Seth felt bad about leaving the twins’ mother, but it was too late to back out, since he’d paid.

“How long do we have it for?” Valerie asked him.

“Two weeks.” At double the normal rate because of the holidays, which he didn’t say. Halley was quiet for the rest of the meal, while trying not to look upset, and Valerie came to Olivia’s room to talk about it while Seth got ready for bed.

“What do you think we should do?” Valerie asked her. “The charter costs a fortune, and he’s committed now. We can’t cancel. I know Mom won’t come. Do you think she’ll be okay here?”

“Okay, yes. Happy, no. That’s really sad for her, to be alone for Christmas. Why didn’t you say something when he told you about it?” Olivia asked her, annoyed.

“Because he talks about stuff like that all the time, safaris in Africa, swimming with the whales, the Galapagos, China, Japan, Turkey. Most of it never happens. And we were third on the waiting list. He said it would never get to us.”

“But it just did,” Olivia said grimly. Valerie didn’t want to upset Seth, her new husband, but instead, they were abandoning their mother for the holidays.

Olivia felt awful. “Maybe I should stay here with her, and you go with Seth and your in-laws. That’s what people do when they get married.

” Olivia looked very unhappy, but couldn’t see any other way.

“He never takes his mother anywhere, and I know he was thinking it would be nice for her. They’re not close, and he feels guilty he doesn’t see her more often.

And I want you to come with us. He showed me a brochure of the yacht, and it’s incredible.

You have to come, Ollie.” Valerie hardly ever called her that except when she really wanted something.

“We’ll make it up to her,” Valerie said, feeling torn between her mother and her husband, and it was an enormous amount of money for him to spend for their entertainment.

“Seth’s brother will come. You’ll have fun,” Valerie promised.

“He didn’t say ten words to me at your wedding, he was so busy chasing your bridesmaids.”

“He’s getting over his divorce. He wasn’t like that before. He’s really a nice guy. I can’t go without you,” Valerie said. “Mom will understand. She always does. She’s an adult. She’ll figure out something. You heard her, she said she wants us to go, it’s a fabulous opportunity.”

“She said that because she’s a good person and she loves us and wants us to have a good time. This will be awful for her, alone on Christmas, if we go.”

“She’s not a hundred years old,” Valerie answered. “She’s turning fifty, not ninety. And if she works on her book, she won’t even know what time of year it is.”

“She’s not senile, for heaven’s sake. Everyone knows when Christmas is,” Olivia said tartly, annoyed at her sister.

“Not when she’s writing. She always asks me what day it is, sometimes what month, when she’s deep in a book.” They both knew that was true, but this was different.

“I feel like a terrible person,” Olivia said. “I want to go,” she admitted, “but I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“She can see friends. We’re not leaving her alone in a strange city. She lives here.”

“And her friends go away every year, to their families somewhere else, or their country houses. She never has friends here over the holidays. She just has us,” Olivia reminded her, and they both knew it was true.

“I can’t get out of it. I’ll have to go now that he’s paid for it. And I want you to come with us.”

“I need to think about it, and talk to Mom,” Olivia said, looking tormented. They were flying back to California in the morning. There was no time left to talk about it, except by phone, which wasn’t the same. They couldn’t see their mother’s expression or the pain in her eyes.

Valerie scurried down the hall to the guest room, where Seth was already in bed, waiting for her. She wanted to talk to him about it, and ask his advice, but he got amorous the moment she slipped into bed next to him.

“Thank you for a beautiful Thanksgiving,” he said to her.

“The best one in my life,” and then his words were forgotten when he kissed her, and they made love, and he was asleep five minutes later.

She felt sad for him. He had wanted to do something wonderful for her, having her family and his own on a fabulous trip on a yacht, and instead, it was turning into a crisis.

And Valerie wanted her sister to come. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without her. Nothing ever was.

—

In her own room, Halley was thinking about it.

The prospect of not being with her daughters for Christmas weighed like a stone on her heart.

She didn’t want to deprive them of an exceptional experience.

Seth could do things for them that she could never have done.

The cost of a two-hundred-and-fourteen-foot yacht in the Caribbean for two weeks was way out of her league.

Only Seth could afford that, and she thought they should go.

But Christmas without them was going to be incredibly hard.

It suddenly reminded her of the orphanage, when she had no family, and her college years when everyone went home for the holidays, and she had no home and no family to go to.

She had gone home with one of her friends once, and she had never felt more like an orphan, an outsider, looking in through a window in a place where she didn’t belong with people she barely knew.

She had spent Christmas alone when she was pregnant with the twins, but she was used to it then and she had something to look forward to.

Once she had them, she had never been alone for the holidays again, and she had always made it wonderful for her girls.

She loved spending Christmas with them. Christmas would be meaningless without them.

Now she had come full circle. After twenty-seven years of celebrating the holidays with her daughters, they had other plans, a golden opportunity, and she didn’t want to keep them from it.

After all these years, she was facing Christmas alone.

The prospect of it was harder than she could ever have imagined.

But she felt she should be gracious about their going.

It seemed like the best gift she could give them this Christmas.

A two-week trip on the fabulous yacht Seth had chartered in the Caribbean.

How could she cheat them out of that? She couldn’t.

She had to let them go, and not let them know how sad she was about it.

It was a sacrifice she knew she had to make, out of love for them.