Page 54 of A Match of Misfortune (Bachelors of Blackstone’s #7)

Chapter Thirty-Two

C ecily and Bridget had resumed morning visits, continuing their pursuit to help restore Nash’s reputation.

Lady Darlington and Lady McMillan had proven themselves valuable allies in spreading word of how Nash had been wronged, and it wasn’t long before invitations began trickling in again, slowly but steadily.

“Do you think Mr. Markham will return from Dover by tomorrow?” Bridget asked as they took tea in the Markham’s drawing room one afternoon. “I have just had a letter from Lady Jersey herself saying Mr. Markham’s voucher has been reinstated.”

“I’m not certain,” Cecily said, glancing down at her teacup.

Cecily had hardly seen Nash since news had arrived of his ship.

Once it had come in, he had spent most of his time at the docks, helping his agent to unload the ship and then reload it with Mr. Crauford’s cargo.

Once the ship had set sail again, Cecily had hoped she’d have a chance to speak with him, but after one evening at home where they hadn’t a moment alone together, he’d left for Dover the next morning regarding a matter about his inheritance.

Or perhaps it was to collect evidence in the case against Mr. Steele. Cecily didn’t even know.

Bridget took a bite of blueberry scone, momentarily closing her eyes as she chewed in a clear appreciation of it, then returned the rest to her plate. “Perhaps now that things are a little more settled for Nash, the two of you might set a wedding date.”

Mrs. Markham’s gaze shifted to her. She had been watching Cecily more intently for the last several days, and Cecily was certain it had to do with her more solemn mood.

“There is still much we must figure out,” Cecily said.

“But even if you do not intend to go with him, you will marry before he leaves for India, will you not?”

Cecily’s throat grew dry. “Now that Nash is to form a shipping company, my dowry would be at risk by creditors,” she said, borrowing the reason Nash had given her as to why they could not marry.

And it was as true now as it had been before.

“So I’m afraid that is not an option. We would have to wait until his return. ”

“How long is he to be gone?” Adelaide asked.

“Hopefully only three or four years.” Cecily hated how her voice faltered despite her attempt at a cheerier tone, especially when Mrs. Markham’s gaze was so soundly set upon her.

“Three or four years?” Adelaide’s mouth hung open. “How will you manage his absence? You must go with him!”

Emotion welled inside her, but she refused to let it out. “I shall manage it one day at a time.”

“You love him, don’t you?” Mrs. Markham asked, forcing Cecily’s attention from her sister.

Cecily met her appraising gaze. Her mouth would not form any words, but it did not matter. Mrs. Markham clearly saw the answer she was seeking in her eyes.

Pure delight lit Mrs. Markham’s face, and she covered her heart with both hands. “Oh, Cecily. What happy news! ”

Adelaide and Bridget shared a confused look.

Cecily tried to smile. She tried to assuage the swelling sensation within her, but instead, a sob escaped. Then another. She shot to her feet. “I’m sorry. I’ll return in a moment.”

Then, without a backwards glance, she hurried from the room.

Cecily made her way into the library and closed the door behind her, tears blurring her vision and escaping down her cheeks.

Nothing was going at all as she had hoped.

She was supposed to have come to London and returned home as equally unattached as when she had arrived.

Instead, she was temporarily betrothed to a man she had unintentionally fallen in love with.

A man who would break her heart when he returned to India. What a mess she had made of everything.

A light knock sounded on the door.

“One moment,” she said, drawing in a shaky breath and swiping the tears still falling down her cheeks.

The door creaked open. “Cecily, it is me.” Mrs. Markham’s voice drifted through the crack. “Might I come in?”

Cecily opened the door wider until Mrs. Markham’s concerned gaze fell on her.

“Oh, my darling girl.” She hurried inside, shut the door, and wrapped Cecily in her arms.

In the comfort of Mrs. Markham’s embrace, Cecily’s guard crumbled, and she wept as she had not wept for years. Her entire body shook while Mrs. Markham whispered consoling words. “All will be well, my child. You will see.”

Eventually, Cecily’s sobs lessened.

“Come sit with me,” Mrs. Markham said, leading Cecily to the settee. She did not press her to talk but settled an arm around her and waited .

Cecily’s breath shuttered. “Our betrothal is only temporary. At my insistence, Nash agreed to my request so I would not have to endure any more suitors’ attention or refuse potential offers of marriage.”

Mrs. Markham did not look at all surprised by her confession. In fact, she nodded as though she had known of it all along. “You also did it to keep him in England longer, did you not?”

Cecily gave a timid nod. “I should have told you the truth.”

“The truth was quite obvious to me and to Mr. Markham, but we knew your mind was set.” She gave a small smile and tucked a loose tendril behind Cecily’s ear. “And, I admit, we both had our hopes it would turn out as it has. With an actual betrothal.”

Cecily’s cheeks warmed. “But it is not an actual betrothal. There are too many complications.”

“If you are referring to your dowry, do not dismay just yet. Your father will be here next week, and we can speak to him about what protections might be added to the marriage contract. Or perhaps there is a different financial arrangement altogether that might be considered, such as a jointure.”

A different financial arrangement . The words caught in Cecily’s mind.

She had not considered that Papa might make a different arrangement because frankly, before now, it had not mattered.

She had not planned on marrying. But even if there were something that could be done, it was only one of the obstacles that would need to be overcome.

“Regardless, he is returning to India. It will be years before he returns.”

“You would truly not consider going with him?”

Cecily’s head whipped toward her. “You know I cannot leave Adelaide.”

“Adelaide wants to see you happy just as much as you want to see her so. If you were in her place, would you not wish for her to live her life to the fullest? To fall in love and have a family?”

“Of course I would, but it is?—”

“No. It is not different, Cecily.” She released a breath, her brow creasing. “Were you aware that I first met Mr. Markham only a few years after your mother died?”

Cecily stared at her. “You did?”

“The bank in Staplehurst, as you know, is one of his bank’s country partners.

He had been visiting, and I went to post a letter at the inn.

He said he felt drawn to speak with me, and though it was rather bold on both our parts, we made introductions and spoke for nigh on an hour at the green space nearby.

The next day, we met again. It carried on like that for three more days, and on his last day there, he asked if I had ever considered marrying.

I knew what he implied, and …” She shook her head.

“I didn’t want to leave you and Adelaide.

I knew how much you depended upon me, and I loved you both dearly. ”

Cecily’s heart twisted at the realization. “You refused him because of us?”

“In part. And in part because I’d already experienced too many losses.

The idea of being in love terrified me. It was easy to be content where I was—being the governess to you and your sister—but if I were to allow myself to love Mr. Markham, it might lead to more heartache.

To more loss. Over the next several years, each time Mr. Markham visited Staplehurst, we would spend time with one another.

It never felt long enough, and eventually, despite my fear and my reservations, I began to realize the greatest heartache I would experience was not being with him. ”

Cecily lowered her gaze to her hands.

“Do you remember the first time Mr. Markham came to Penrose Court that summer before we married? And what you said to me when he left?”

At fifteen, even Cecily could see how much they loved one another. “I told you that if you loved him as much as it appeared, you must marry him. Even if it meant having to leave me and Adelaide.”

“It was those words that gave me the strength I required to accept Mr. Markham’s offer.” She took hold of Cecily’s hands. “Perhaps you might allow Adelaide’s support and encouragement to give you the strength you need to fully love Nash. The permission to sacrifice for that love.”

Cecily could not deny that the thought of being away from Nash felt as though it would break her.

But was it the same for him? He had certainly hinted that he returned her feelings—he had even suggested once that she go with him to India—but it always seemed to be done in a way that left Cecily questioning if he was only teasing her or simply saying something for appearances’ sake.

And yet, even if he did love her, was it worth the sacrifice?

She had no desire to leave her family. Or the Markhams. Even the Rothsburgs had grown more dear to her than she could ever have imagined.

And what of her dear England that she loved so much?

But when she thought of Nash, a confirmation buzzed in her chest.

She would go to India if it meant being with Nash.

If that was what he wanted.

The distant sound of a door opening and closing drew Cecily’s and Mrs. Markham’s attention. Heavy steps echoed through the corridor outside.

“That must be Nash.” Mrs. Markham sent Cecily a questioning glance. “Shall we go speak to him?”

Cecily ran her fingers beneath her puffy eyes, dispersing what moisture remained from her tears. “You go ahead. I’ll be there in a moment.”