Page 45 of A Match of Misfortune (Bachelors of Blackstone’s #7)
She gave a rueful smile. “That was my doing. After hearing the arrangement he had made, I came up with a plan of my own. I prevailed upon Papa’s sentimentality.
Knowing he had a love match with Mama, I said I would like to be afforded the same opportunity.
I then explained how difficult it would be to decipher whether a man truly loved me or simply pretended so that he might obtain my dowry.
For clearly, such a man could not be trusted to care for Adelaide when it came time.
After hearing my reasons, he gave me his word that he would not disclose the amount until I found a man I knew to be genuine in his affections. ”
Nash felt a prick of guilt at having disclosed the sum that had been well-kept for so long. “Which you have not?”
Cecily shook her head.
“Had you already decided you would not marry at that point?”
“I had. There are too many unknowns to make it a feasible consideration. Despite the arrangements agreed upon in a marriage contract and that the dowry is supposed to be set aside for care of the wife and her children, once I am married, there would be limited protection to see those terms are adhered to. My property will become my husband’s.
He will have control over it, and as he would become Adelaide’s guardian, he will have control over her care.
Even if he allows her to live with us upon my father’s death, at any moment, he could just as easily decide to send her away. And I could do nothing.”
She met his gaze. “But if I don’t marry, between the dowry and a sum my father has set aside for Adelaide’s future care, the two of us will have enough to get by.
My father’s estate is entailed, but we could find a small house in the country somewhere.
We would have enough to keep on a few servants and pay for Adelaide’s expenses. ”
Nash stopped, pausing Cecily with him. His heart thudded about in his chest. “What if you found a husband who loved Adelaide as a sister? A husband who would promise to care for her?”
Cecily stared at him, at first as though she didn’t understand, and then as though her thoughts were warring with one another. “A man who is set to return to India soon?”
With how high his hopes had just climbed, they came down with a crashing force.
Without his inheritance, without knowing whether he would recover his investment, and without having a more solid confidence that the shipping company would succeed, he could not promise her anything.
He wanted to return to England eventually, but he did not know when that would be.
They started walking again, keeping a slow, somber pace.
“What if Adelaide falls in love?” Nash asked.
“Honestly, I had not even considered the possibility until recently. Not because she is not worthy of love, but because I’m not certain love is enough in her situation. Adelaide’s husband would be required to accept a different sort of life. One with many limitations.”
“Yet you do it.”
“She is my sister. And I made a promise to her.” In the ensuing quiet, the only sound was their footsteps on the path beneath them. “Not that she would recall it, as it was made not long after she was born.”
Again, she went silent, but this time Nash realized tears were welling in her eyes. “If you do not wish to speak of it?—”
“I do.” Cecily stopped walking again and faced him, swiping her tears with her gloved hands.
“As you know, my mother died giving birth to her. When Papa came to tell me of what had happened and that my mother was gone, I blamed Adelaide. I refused to see her.” Cecily released a shaky breath, wiping more tears from her cheeks.
“Your mother attempted to convince me it was not Adelaide’s fault.
She said that Mama would not wish for me to blame my baby sister. But I didn’t care. I hated her.”
A sob escaped Cecily, and Nash pulled her into him, cradling her in an embrace. He did not know what to say, so he stood there, holding her until her crying softened and she felt ready to continue.
She pulled in a steadying breath. “One night, Nurse could not get her to stop crying. Papa could not get her to stop, nor could Mrs. Markham, or Miss Patterson as she was then. The whole staff was in commotion, fretting over what to do and whether they should summon the doctor. I watched from a distance, though I felt an undeniable pull toward her. A feeling as if she needed me. Discreetly, I made my way to her cradle, peeking over the edge to where she lay. Her cry had gone on so long it had grown hoarse, but she still screamed, a weak, raspy sound, and it was then that I realized she had lost the same as what I had. More even, for she would never know our mother. She would have no memories of her. Not of Mama reading stories. Or Mama dancing in the garden. Or the beautiful soprano of Mama’s voice when she sang. ”
Cecily sniffed. “Uncertain what to do, I placed my hand atop her small body and whispered to her I was sorry.” Cecily gave a sad smile, as though recalling the memory. “I promised her that from that moment forward, I would be there. That I would do anything for her. And she stopped crying.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” She pulled in a steadying breath and took a small backward step, pulling out of Nash’s embrace to look up at him. “I have never spoken about this to anyone.”
A warmth filled Nash at the knowledge. At her willingness to share something so private and vulnerable with him. He ran his thumbs across her warm cheeks, wiping away the last of her tears. “Adelaide is lucky to have you.”
“I am the lucky one.”
He gave a cautious grin. “So you admit it now, after our deal has changed?”
Thankfully, she smiled. “How else was I to get out of kissing you?”
“Are you so desperate as that?”
“I could not have my first kiss being a term in an agreement.”
Did she mean what he thought she did? He searched her gaze, and she did not shy away from it.
He drew a step closer, once again closing the space between them.
She did not retreat. His hands settled on her neck, and he tipped her chin upward.
Her breaths were more pronounced, but she gave no indication that she did not wish for him to kiss her.
Instead, she leaned in ever so slightly, and her hands came to rest on his chest.
“Are you two coming?” Lady Bridget stood on the path, her amused expression flitting between them. “The fireworks are to start any moment, and Oswald has found us a bench just around the next bend where we can sit to watch them.”
Cecily stepped back, ducking her head in clear embarrassment at having been caught in such an intimate position.
But all Nash felt was an overwhelming irritation at his atrociously bad luck.
“Your timing is impeccable,” he called to Lady Bridget, who waited for them with a knowing smirk.
He lifted his arm to Cecily, and the two of them made their way toward her as a firework lit the night sky.