Page 26

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

P igs, in Lilly’s estimation, were the least desirable of all creatures.

She did not eat ham, bacon, or pork roast, and the smell of such was enough to send her running.

For years—since an unfortunate incident in front of her father and elder sisters when she was thirteen—she had taken breakfast on a tray in her bedchamber to avoid the smell of bacon and eggs in the breakfast room.

So why she had sampled the peculiar offerings from Saye’s banquet, she could not say. Not a morsel of it had appealed to her, and the manner in which they ate had only made it less palatable.

But she did not wish to be—how had Saye himself said it?

— le rabat-joie . She had heard him teasing Sir Phineas, calling him le rabat-joie for the crime of refusing a drink.

Her French was lacking, but she believed it meant a killer of joy, and she could not bear to have Saye think it of her. So she ate.

And now you pay the price for your silly pride.

The pains began shortly after her maid left her.

They bent her double, and made it impossible to lie, sit, or stand comfortably.

She remained in her bed, twisting and turning amid the fine bed linens which grew warm and unpleasantly damp beneath her, and prayed for relief.

For a little while, she might have dozed fitfully, for suddenly it had gone two in the morning and her stomach had become a boiling cauldron of agony which threatened to upend itself at any moment.

If I vomit, I shall feel better . Except, she could not abide the notion of vomiting.

Did not everyone? Such a miserable state for any human, huddled unhappily over a chamber pot to cast up their accounts.

She prayed the chamber pot was empty at least, for if she could not refrain from vomiting, she would like to be spared that indignity at least.

When at last she felt it could no longer be avoided, she slid from between the sheets down onto the plush rug, landing on her hands and knees.

Her vision swam a moment from the movement, but as the need for the pot was growing more urgent, she spared herself the briefest moment to recover.

She reached beneath the bed, finding the pot—a very pretty Minton porcelain in green and gold that coordinated with her bedchamber—and pulling it towards her.

She crouched in front of it, her elbows against the rug and her head in her hands and for a few blessed seconds she thought she might have escaped it.

When it came, it came with a fury. She felt she emptied herself not only of that evening’s indulgence but indeed of everything she had eaten since her come-out, at least. When she sat back on her haunches, tears leaking from her eyes, panting and sweaty, it was disappointing to find that her stomach, in fact, did not feel improved. Indeed, she might have been worse.

Twice more it happened, and by then, she was weak, far too weak to rise.

In fact, she was too afraid even to move, feeling that any extra motion might bring on worse.

She longed for her maid, but Marleigh deserved to be in her bed and, in any case, Lilly had not the strength to get to the bell pull which seemed, at the time, miles away.

A second later, she heard a door opening. “Oh, Marleigh,” she moaned thankfully. “How good you are to look in on me, for I find myself in a wretched way!”

Two shoes appeared in her line of vision—men’s naval-blue slippers with gold tassels on them, very fine, attached to snow-white silk stockings and… She raised her head, seeing a positively humiliating sight above her. Saye had entered her chamber.

“Good lord, what happened here?” he asked, kneeling down beside her.

“Get out of here,” she protested weakly. “You cannot be in here.”

“I daresay somebody must be here, for you, madam, have yourself in quite a predicament.” He sat down on the floor beside her. “A disgusting predicament. How much pig did you eat?”

“Please, Saye,” she moaned. “I have no strength to escape you, but I beg you to leave me. Summon my maid for me and go.”

“If I summon your maid, she will want to know how I came upon you,” he said very reasonably. “And she might mention it to others.”

“Tell them you heard a sound which led to your summons.”

“I did hear a sound, like a horse in its death throes. Come, let me help you.”

Even in the state that she was, the notion of Saye helping her made her nearly laugh. With a little grunt, she pushed herself into a more seated position, using her foot to slide the chamber pot farther from them. “My stomach is sick.”

“I am drunk, to be sure, but not stupid,” he replied wryly. “Should my nose have failed to alert me to the problem, that steaming heap of salmagundi beside you would have.”

“Sorry.” Lilly sniffled. “If you would just go and tell Marleigh you heard a noise from my bedchamber and?—

To her horror, Lilly felt her gorge rise again into her throat. One hand flew to cover her mouth, which had suddenly filled with sour salivation, while the other she placed on Saye’s arm, ineffectively trying to push him away. “Go,” she gasped. He did not move. “P-pray leave me, S-saye, I…I?— ”

She scrambled over to the chamber pot, barely making it in time for another round of painful retching and heaving.

Deep in her agony, she still felt it, and registered some shock, when Saye came behind her and took hold of her plait, keeping it out of the heinous melange until she was finished.

She sat back again, panting for a moment when she had finished, and he, very sweetly, rubbed her back and then proffered his handkerchief for her mouth.

When she was well enough, she sat up, gingerly moving to lean back against the side of the bed.

She closed her eyes for a moment and heard Saye rise to his feet.

He will leave now . She believed she was relieved more than she actually was, even as some dim part of her mind recognised the impropriety of him being here, him witnessing her in such a state—surely even husband and wife did not watch one another in such straits!

This was what maids and valets were commissioned to do.

She opened her eyes to see him off, only to find fresh sources of astonishment. “Wait! What are you doing?”

To her absolute horror and humiliation, Saye had picked up the pot. “I shall empty it for you.”

“What? No, oh no! Please, will you just leave?”

He waggled the fingers of one hand over his shoulder while he exited the room, going she knew not where. Did Matlock have water closets? Earth rooms? Did Saye himself even know? She could not imagine he had ever given much thought to the less genteel aspects of his kingdom .

As soon as she thought it, he returned, quietly closing the door behind him.

In his hand was a different pot, another Minton, but one painted in yellow and pink roses.

He placed it down beside her before going to the fire.

She watched him stir up the coals while reporting cheerfully, “James was all too obliging.”

“James?”

“One of the night footmen. He is the one who is like a less handsome version of me.” Saye had finished with the fire and now returned to her, sinking down into a seated position beside her.

“Fellow needs very little sleep, it seems, and is always on hand to manage the unmanageable. I quite like the boy.”

“Oh! But surely you did not tell him you were with me?” Her voice rose and she felt a clench in her gut. “Saye please, you have to go…if anyone finds out you were in here, I will be ruined.”

“Ruined.” He said it with no little derision. “You would not be ruined, and in any case, this is my house and they are my servants. Who would discover us?”

“Our friends, your sister, the colonel…to name but a few.”

“Everyone sober is asleep, and everyone awake is too drunk to stand, much less burst in here.” Saye rubbed at some spot on his breeches that Lilly suddenly realised might have been expelled from her gut. She winced.

“Forgive me, I think…I might have done that. ”

“Likely not. Phin vomited earlier, might have been him.” He shrugged. “I can tell you what you did do—you have cost me a great deal of money. I was down a fair sum but feeding them all brandy by the bucket so I could regain my losses. Instead I am here with you.”

“I am feeling a little better. You should go.” It was true, she realised gratefully—marginally improved but, nevertheless, improved.

He turned to look at her then, his countenance marked by an uncommon earnestness, and said, “Lilly, ’tis well worth any sum to be able to be here with you.”

She did not know what to say to that, but her heart and her gut gave a peculiar flutter. “Pray do not make me flutter inside,” she said lightly. “Things are just beginning to settle.”

Delight spread across his face, and insouciance was back. “At last she admits that I make her flutter inside. I knew it had to be so!” He rubbed his hands together, not bothering to disguise his glee.

She gave him a little shove. “Making ladies flutter has never been difficult for you, has it?”

“Making you flutter is.” Saye shifted his position to be slightly nearer to her. “Your flutters are rare, and therefore more worth earning.”

“Oh, Saye. You, and your compliments, and your excessive lovemaking. Are you ever in earnest?”

“I am always in earnest. But pray tell me one thing. ”

“What?”

“How is it that I make you flutter, yet you still tolerate the attention of that gollumpus Balton-Sycke? Can you imagine—he brought four pillows for his bruised rump just to play cards!”

“He is injured,” she protested.

Saye rolled his eyes. “The man is an idiot. Who simply arrives at someone else’s party? It is not done, not in my circle, it is not. I daresay his rump deserved whatever flogging it received.”