Page 48 of A Little Christmas! 4: Song
“Whoa, dude, you have a music corner?” Suede asked as they stepped into the room.
“Yup,” Song replied, practically dragging him over to the little raised stage that his Daddy had constructed for him.
There was even strobe lights mounted to the ceiling above the spot where a toy drum kit sat with several other toy instruments laid out in a horseshoe shape in front of it.
“There’s more in here too,” Song explained, lifting the lid on the padded bench to show Suede the toy tambourines, saxophone, keyboard, xylophone, maracas, bells, triangles, and whistles tucked away in there.
“Damn, what did you guys do, rob a record store?” Suede teased.
“It’s all the toys at the club that I got fussed at for playing and even a couple more,” Song explained. “And the best part is that Zachy loves to play them with me, and so does Ajay when he stays after band practice.”
“I might not know as much as Solo about how this whole Daddy-little thing works, but it clearly works for you,” Suede said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you look so happy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Naa, kid, you have nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one who should be apologizing for the way I had to pivot from being the big brother who took you everywhere with me to some barely present parental figure who only really had time for you when I was already too exhausted to completely enjoy it.”
“I’d rather that than you letting the state take me away,” Song told him as he led him to thewall of memories, acorkboard-covered wallwhere he and Zachy pinned the pictures they drew and printouts of the photos they’d taken.
There were already several images from New York interspaced between blueprints for dioramas and the napkins Song had scribbled lyrics on. There were glittery snowflakes too. He and Zachy had cut them out of bright blue pieces of paper, using the sharp scissors under Papa’s careful supervision, and then drawn on them with glitter glue pens. The tiny diamond windows cut into each of the carefully constructed snowflakes left each with its own unique look to it.
“I was never going to let that happen,” Suede insisted. “No matter what it took. Now I get to see you chasing your dreams and falling in love. That makes it more than worth it. I’m totally blown away by the vibe in this room. You’re really making a life for yourself here.”
“It wasn’t me,” Song explained. “It was them, right from the very beginning. The first time I came over, I thought it would just be me hanging out and playing with Zachy, but it was so much more than that.”
“How so?” Suede asked as they settled down in the giant beanbag chairs in the middle of the room, directly in front of the flatscreen television that had been mounted on the wall across from them.
The edges were covered in the colorful stickers he and Zachy had selected from the sticker book they’d found during their New York trip.
With their daddy's permission, of course.
When he and Zachy played in here, they played a constant stream of cartoons. It was silent tonight, but Song knew that the television in the living room already had Christmas movies streaming on it in anticipation of the game night to come. They’d get there in a while. For now, he was grateful for the opportunity to talk and have a real conversation with Suede that his brotherwasn’t yawning through, even if that meant he’d slipped out of his little space to do it.
“Just, like, when it was time to make supper, we all did it together,” Song explained. “Even when Zachy and I are little, there are things we can do to help, like set the table and get out the mixing bowls. They’ll hold our hands so we can help chop things and let us lick the spoons and the blades from the mixer when we’re making dessert. They never just sent us into another room to play so we wouldn’t be in the way. We’re never in the way.”
Suede nodded at that, laugh lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes as he smiled at him. “They treated you like a member of the family.”
“Yeah, they really did. All I ever had to do was be myself. I can talk music with Daddy Gage and sit with him to watch concert footage from Shriveled Rose and the next moment be outside with Papa Cooper playing in the snow or listening to him read to us.”
“So, you can do things one-on-one with them as well as together?” Suede asked.
“Exactly. There’s no jealousy, there’s nomine. There's just us and all the different ways our lives mingle. Like when Papa Cooper brings work stuff home with him. He never takes it to a different room; he just spreads everything out on the coffee table if we’re in the living room or on the kitchen table if we’re in the kitchen, so he’s present, even if he happens to be doing something else. Zachy and I aren’t little all the time; we have as much big time as we do little, so when Papa is trying to work something out, there are times when he’ll talk it through with us. He really listens to our suggestions too and asks what inspired it.”
Suede's smile grew more the longer Song spoke. “Are you thinking of moving all of your things over here?”
Biting his lower lip, Song gave a hesitant nod. “It’s not like I wanna ditch you guys or anything like that; it’s just…”
“I’m going to stop you right there before you start apologizing for something that is a natural progression of life,” Suede said. “I’d be pissed as hell if you felt like you had to stick around the house pining for the men you love rather than taking that leap to be happy and present in their lives full time. If this is where your heart is, then this is where you need to be. Seriously, kiddo, I’m proud of you for recognizing that they give you what you need and that this is where you want to be. That house is gonna be there, and your name is always going to be on it if you ever need to come back ‘cause that’s our legacy as a family. You don’t have to remain in your childhood room for that to be a thing; it just is.”
Song leaned to hug him, the beanbag tipping a bit as he clung to his brother. “I just never want you to feel like I’m not grateful for everything you guys did for me.”
“You never have to worry about that.”
“Thanks.”
“Hearing about the way things went for you in New York and this opportunity you guys have to be managed by someone who knows the ins and outs of the industry has really inspired me,” Suede admitted.
“Oh yeah?”