Page 19 of A Little Campfire Blues (Pride Camp 2025 #10)

Chapter Sixteen

Mackenzie

We arranged Ezzy and Axis in between us so they could cuddle, with Roman snuggled up behind Ezzy while I held Axis, who gave me the same confused look when I went to hold him as he’d given me when I’d moved to tend to his hair.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to cause it, but I was sure as fuck going to find a way to fix it.

With Madagascar on the television and Axis stroking his cheek and hair, Ezzy had succumbed to the pull of sleep first with Roman drifting off soon afterwards.

Even after he was out, Axis kept stroking Ezzy’s cheek, occasionally moving down to his arm or fussing with the blankets, pulling them up around him.

“You’re gonna wake him if you keep that up,” I whispered as I stroked his hair back from his ear.

His hand fluttered, then finally went still, resting on Ezzy’s hip.

“Did I do something to upset you?” I asked, deciding to go for bluntness and hope he was willing to talk to me.

“No.”

“Then why have you been pulling away from me?”

“I haven’t.”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, kid; I can tell when something is wrong. You didn’t even want me to dry your hair tonight.”

“Wasn’t that I didn’t want you to; I just didn’t need you to when I could do it myself.” He replied. “There was no need for you to make a fuss over me.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I was fine. The storm didn’t bother me any.”

“Maybe it bothered me, knowing you were out there running around alone trying to find Roman.”

“Who didn’t need any help at all,” he muttered. “Guess it was kinda dumb.”

“No, it wasn’t. What if he had needed help? You did what I wanted to do; only you took the choice out of my hands when you tore off like that.”

“Ezzy needed you.”

“Yeah, he did; you’re right about that,” I replied. “But it’s okay to need me too, I hope you know that.”

His silence said more than any bullshit answer he might have tried to concoct.

“Only you don’t, do you?”

“I’ve needed a lot of things I’ve never gotten,” he admitted, much to my surprise.

“So you learned how to stop wanting them.”

“Pretty much.”

Sighing, I pressed my nose to his hair and inhaled the scent of rainwater still clinging to it. “I hope that in time you’ll let me change that.”

Again he said nothing.

“Uh-huh, still wanna stick to your story about nothing being wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he insisted. “I just don’t want to get too used to this, or you, knowing that in a little over a week, we go back to reality.”

“And what, exactly, is reality as you see it?”

Now he sighed and leaned away from me to press his forehead against Ezzy’s.

“They’re going home together, and I’m going back to Portland.

You guys have real jobs with time constraints.

When it comes down to it, it’ll make far more sense for you to visit them or for them to visit you when you’ve got time freed up. ”

“And you can’t join us?”

“Weekends are kinda busy for me,” he admitted. “It’s when I do most of my playing.”

Ahh, now we were getting someone. He had a point too.

Weekends in the music industry were when the bulk of your money was made.

It would present a problem, but not an insurmountable one.

During my conversation with Roman in the garden maze, he’d let slip that he hoped a time would come when he and Ezzy could convince Axis to return home to Eugene.

“We’ll figure something out.”

“There’s no need to go through that kind of trouble for me. I’m not worth it.”

“Who told you that?”

He shook his head, going silent on me again. If he really thought I was going to accept that as an answer, then he had another think coming.

“Axis, I asked you a question,” I said, putting a bit of added bass in my voice.

“I’ve never been anything but spare parts and attitude,” he murmured.

“If my folks couldn’t love me, then how the hell is anyone else supposed to?

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I’m never good enough, I’ll never be good enough, and I’m too goddamn stubborn to stop trying, which makes it that much worse.

I’m tired of making things worse, and I’m tired of failing.

You three are gonna be perfect together.

Anyone with eyes can see that. I’m not gonna get in the way, and I’m not gonna fuck things up for them.

They need you, and I think you need them.

Ro always tried to be our protector, but watching you with them, you’re the real protector, and once he sees that, he’ll finally get to cut loose, enjoy being a pet, and let someone else take care of him for a change. ”

Selfless little shit. I saw where this was headed.

He was attempting to erase himself from the occasion.

Well, I hope he caught a clue right fuckin’ quick that I was never going to allow that to happen.

While I had no goddamn clue what he meant about that spare parts line, him feeling like his folks didn’t love him gave me some insight into the song I’d overheard and the broodiness he sunk into from time to time.

“You listen to me, and you listen good,” I growled, feeling him shiver as my lips brushed against his ear.

“I am not letting any of you go, understand me? You three belong to me. The rest we’ll figure out as we move forward.

Now, someone has done a real number on your self-esteem, and you’re gonna tell me about that right now, or there will be consequences. ”

“Like what, you gonna put me over your knee? I like spankings, but they’re not gonna make me tell you anything I don’t want to.”

“And snark and that attitude you were talking about isn’t gonna make me turn my back on you either, so spill it.”

“You should tell him what you told me,” Ezzy muttered sleepily. “I don’t like keeping that secret.”

“Shhhhh,” Axis whispered. “Go back to sleep before you wake Ro.”

“Already awake, fucker, and I’ve known you’ve been keeping something from me for a while now,” Roman growled. “Since Ezzy already knows, you might as well tell the rest of us, ‘cause you’ve been pulling away from me too, ever since the pond.”

“Because you wasted too much of your day helping me!” He snapped, no longer trying so hard to keep his voice down since we were all awake.

“It wasn’t a waste, dammit, especially not when I got to see you finally slip into little space and play without a care in the world.”

“And look at what it took to get me there,” he pointed out, leaving me confused, since I hadn’t been with them as they’d been getting ready.

“It’ll get easier once you start to accept that we’re not gonna ditch you for needing a little help slipping into the right headspace,” Ezzy said, cupping his cheek.

“I get it, I do. It wasn’t easy for me in the beginning either.

Letting my guard down and being vulnerable while still trying to figure out if I could trust the person I was with, it’s a lot.

But you’re back with us now, and you’ve never been too much for us.

I used to wish you’d let us give you more hugs and more cuddles, ‘cause I knew you never got any at home, but if I’d known why, I’d have made damn sure you spent more time at my place and far away from those shitheads. ”

“Ezzy, it’s not their fault. Like I told you in the maze, they were just doing what they had to do to save my brother.”

“Okay, fill in the gaps for the rest of the room, for fuck’s sake,” Ro snapped. “I’m already getting pissed. At this point I just need to know who the fuck to cuss out!”

“One of over a dozen reasons why I’ve never told you,” Axis pointed out.

“Well, I’d like you to tell me now, please, ‘cause you’re really starting to worry me.”

“They never hurt me,” he blurted, easing the knot that had begun to form in my chest as I’d leapt to the same conclusion Roman had.

“Not physically, you mean,” Ezzy spat. “But emotional abuse and neglect is still abuse.”

“I wouldn’t say they neglected me,” Axis insisted. “I never went without anything. I had a room, clothes, food, and school supplies; they made sure I got checkups and eye exams and all that shit.”

“But they still ignored you and failed to show any interest in the things that were important to you,” Ezzy said. “That is neglect, Axis; no matter how hard you try to defend them, they didn’t treat you right, and you know it.”

“They were disappointing, but lots of kids’ parents disappoint them,” Axis said. “Maybe if I’d fallen in line and learned to do as I was told, things would have been better, but I couldn’t stop myself from being so stubborn.”

“You are who you are,” I told him. “Something tells me you have a reason for being stubborn.”

“Because I wanted to have some choice in who I was,” he said, sucking in a breath and holding it a moment before letting it out in a long, shuddering exhale.

“To them, I was the kid they had to save their other kid. I was a means to an end. This rare mix of genetic material to be preserved in case my brother ever needed blood, bone marrow, or platelets again. They couldn’t give me away, ‘cause what if whoever adopted me wouldn’t consent to me donating again?

They had to keep me for Ander, but they really didn’t have time for another kid. ”

“I’ve heard of that,” I said. “I forget what they call the baby, but I know there is a term for a child who is conceived to save another child.”

“Savior baby,” Axis said. “And yeah, that’s exactly what I am.”

“I see,” I said.

“Well, I don’t,” Roman declared. “I need you to spell it out a little better. Are you saying that they harvested your blood and stuff when you were a kid?”

“Cord blood and everything, at least according to my mom,” Axis explained.

“They harvested a bunch of eggs from my mom and used genetic testing and in-vitro fertilization to implant the one that was a genetic match for my brother. Me. It gave Ander the best chance at survival, and look how well it worked out; he made it all the way to the NFL.”

“And became a raging dick along the way,” Roman spat.

I shot him a look that I hoped he’d interpret the way I intended. I could understand him being upset, since he’d have firsthand knowledge of the brother’s behavior, but I needed him to tone it down a little before Axis shut down on us.

“You know what jock culture is like,” Axis said, shoulder flexing beneath my chin as he shrugged it.

“Oh my god, if you defend them one more time, I’m going to be the one to put you over my knee, and I guarandamntee you won’t enjoy it!” Ezzy snarled, the outrage in their voice unmistakable.

They wasn’t even trying to look at me, so shooting them a look would be utterly useless. Ezzy glared at Axis and caressed his cheek as Axis cupped his hand to keep it pressed there while he nuzzled against it.

“I don’t mean to defend them,” Axis said. “I just don’t want to hate them, and I don’t want you guys to hate them or Ander.”

“Which is another reason you never told us,” Roman surmised.

“Pretty much,” Axis admitted. “I always thought that if I could do something truly spectacular, like with my band, that I could measure up to Ander and show them that I was more than just the spare parts they’d needed to keep Ander alive.

I thought I could make them see me as something separate from the fear and the pain they went through, and when that happened, I just knew they’d fall in love with me and everything would be okay. ”

“But it wouldn’t have been okay if we hated them, because then you wouldn’t get the perfect scene you’d built in your head,” Ezzy murmured, huffing as they scooted closer and pressed their forehead to Axis’s chest. “I think I understand now. You saw the way our families were and how any of us was always welcomed and made to feel like a member of the family when we visited each other’s houses, and you wanted that too. I can’t blame you for that.”

Ezzy’s fingertips scraped over my abs as they snaked a hand between us so they could hug Axis, the pair clinging to one another while Roman hugged them and I tried to hug the three of them and almost pulled it off.

I got a hand on Roman’s shoulder, and that was about it, but I still felt like it connected the four of us together.

I nuzzled the back of Axis’ neck and spoke directly into his ear so there would be no chance of him misunderstanding me.

“From here on out, I only want you to be who you are and who you want to be,” I growled.

“You! Not who you think your parents want you to be, not who you were trying to be for them, and not who you think you need to be for anyone else, got it. You need to follow your heart so maybe you can start loving yourself the way we love you!”

“You can’t lo…” he began only to have me cut him off.

“You don’t ever get to tell anyone what they can or can’t feel; you don’t have the right,” I told him.

“If you choose not to accept it or to keep your feelings to yourself, that’s your choice, and no one gets to tell you that you’re wrong.

Every individual gets to define time and what’s right for them in their own manner, even in a relationship, so shut it. ”

I heard his teeth clack a little as he snapped his lips closed.

“Now, as I was saying, it’s time for you to let go of other people’s expectations and be true to yourself.

If you want something, be honest enough to ask for it; if you’re afraid of something, be honest enough to admit it; and if you’re worried about something, then goddammit, ask questions to get clarification rather than sitting around anxious and confused.

Your feelings matter, joyful ones and the dark ones too, so stop trying to bury them, stop trying to sabotage what has the potential to be a beautiful situation for all of us, and for fuck’s sake, stop trying to make yourself the odd man out ‘cause none of us are ever gonna allow that!”

I felt his breath hitch before he whimpered and let out a sob he muffled against Ezzy’s shoulder.

We held him as he cried. I hoped purging some of the emotions he held so tightly leashed inside would help him start to heal and feel better about the man he was and the sweet, sweet little he kept buried inside.