Page 17 of A Kiss from the Fae (Mistress of Magic #2)

Mallory had her feet up on the brown leather footstool and was flicking through the TV channels with the remote control from the sofa when Faye got back to the flat. She looked up, laughing; Faye could hear Rav crashing around in the adjoining kitchen.

‘Oh, it’s you, Faye. I was hoping the pizza delivery boy had let himself in,’ she drawled.

‘Yes, it is,’ Faye said pointedly, but in truth she was taken aback.

Why was Mallory here at eleven o’clock on a Saturday night?

In Rav’s flat, the two of them apparently enjoying a few drinks?

Rav definitely hadn’t mentioned Mallory being invited over; if she’d known, Faye wondered whether she would have wanted to leave them together – even if it had been essential that she and Annie try to reach Aisha.

Mallory eyed Faye coldly, picked up a beer bottle and drank from it, not bothering to get up. Rav came in, also holding a beer, and stopped when he saw Faye. For a brief moment, she saw surprise and panic in his eyes; clearly, he wasn’t expecting her home yet, or had lost track of time.

‘Oh! You’re back.’ Rav enveloped her in a huge hug. ‘How was Annie? Did you guys have fun?’

She could smell the beer on his breath. Over his shoulder, Faye could see six or seven empty bottles littering the coffee table; one had rolled on its side and a small pool of sticky beer was soaking into a pile of music magazines.

‘Umm. I’m kind of tired.’ She disentangled herself from his hug and walked into the kitchen to get a cloth for the spill, but also to have an excuse to gather herself a little.

She was upset and discombobulated from her journey to faerie.

As ever, she felt awful as soon as she returned to normal life, as if she had a horrible cold.

Clearly, that effect wasn’t exclusive to visiting Murias, because wherever she had been, Finn had said it wasn’t his kingdom.

Faye wondered where exactly the war was being fought, where the mountainous landscape was.

She shuddered as she thought about the creatures in battle with each other, and how close she had come to surrendering herself to Finn Beatha.

When she had returned to the circle, in which Annie sat patiently, she had collapsed.

The kelpie had performed its purpose, but disappeared like steam as soon as Faye was back in her rightful place, and she had broken down into tears as soon as she was safely back with Annie, laying her head in her friend’s lap.

I called you back. Did you hear me? Annie had said, stroking her hair gently.

I couldn’t let you stay there for too long. I wouldn’t let him have you.

On the train home, changing from one confusing underground line to another, Faye had been holding on to the comfort of getting home to Rav.

She had also pondered the fact that the kelpie had obeyed her, but curiously, only as far as getting her to the fae kingdom and back again.

It had not taken her to Aisha in Murias.

Why? She didn’t know, but it had demonstrated to her yet again how it never paid to trust fae creatures.

Everything was a half-truth, a half-commitment.

She needed Rav. She felt awful and sad and unsure of what to do next. But Rav was drunk, and his ex-girlfriend was draped over the couch like she owned it. Faye took a deep, wavering breath, fought her anger back and walked into the lounge.

Mallory watched her wipe up the beer without any acknowledgement.

‘Hey, Faye. You okay?’ It didn’t take a genius to work out that Faye wasn’t exactly thrilled, and Rav was picking up on her mood.

‘Fine. I’m going to bed.’ She didn’t bother saying anything to Mallory. Rav followed her to the bedroom.

‘You’re not all right. What is it? Mallory? We’re just friends.’ He looked guilty, and it irritated Faye even more.

‘She’s your ex-girlfriend, and she’s here drinking beer with you while I’m out,’ Faye snapped. ‘You didn’t even tell me she was coming over. And you’re acting guilty about it.’

‘She called around. I was working, fancied a break. That’s all.’

‘How convenient,’ she muttered, getting undressed.

‘Come on, Faye – you really aren’t one to talk. It’s not like I’m two-timing you with some faerie queen. It’s just a beer.’ The words were out of his mouth like they had been sitting there on his tongue, waiting to be said for months.

‘ Excuse me? ’ Faye stopped unbuttoning her jeans and stared at Rav. He looked away uncomfortably.

‘I didn’t mean that,’ he muttered, but the words were lodged in the air between them, each letter like a brick building a wall, and it was too late to take them back.

Yet, as angry as she was, Faye knew where she had just been.

She knew that her self-control had crumbled when Finn touched her, and a wave of guilt washed over her.

I didn’t do anything. I stopped it , she told herself. But the truth was that until Annie had called her back, Faye had still not had the strength to say no to Finn Beatha once the glamour of faerie had come over her.

‘I didn’t two-time you. You know I didn’t,’ Faye said in a low voice, conscious that Mallory was in the lounge – it wasn’t a huge flat and she could probably hear everything they were saying.

Faye jabbed her finger in the direction of the lounge.

‘She still has feelings for you. Sumi told me. You shouldn’t be encouraging her. ’

‘I’m not. She came to see me! That’s not fair,’ Rav protested.

‘Who cares about being fair to Mallory! What about me? It’s not fair to me .

It’s not okay that you guys are here getting drunk together without even telling me, Rav.

’ Faye sat on the bed in her bra and jeans half-undone feeling frustrated.

More than that, her heart was breaking because she loved Rav.

They had been careful not to say it yet because they were both so bruised, both so broken. But she did love him.

Right now, she needed to feel safe, and Rav, who had been the stability she needed these last few months, was suddenly showing himself to be…what? Unreliable? A liar? Her throat tightened.

‘I think we need to talk,’ Rav said. He got up and walked out; in the lounge, she heard voices, then the front door opening and closing again. Faye finished undressing and put on her bathrobe before following him into the lounge.

‘She’s gone. Said she didn’t feel comfortable staying since we were obviously having a row.’ He drained his bottle of beer. ‘Seems there’s a lot you’re not happy about,’ he said, turning off the TV and facing her.

Faye sat on the edge of the sofa, her head in her hands.

‘It was an intense kind of night,’ she said, not meeting his gaze.

‘What happened?’ He frowned, taking her hand in his. She felt the warm reassurance of him, as well as the manly power he exuded. It made her feel sick that she could ever have been taken in by Finn again.

Haltingly, Faye told him about trying to find Aisha. His face clouded over.

‘Faye. You shouldn’t have done that. It’s too dangerous.’ His heavy brow darkened. ‘You put yourself at risk.’

‘I know. But I can’t just leave her there!’ Faye exclaimed. ‘I saw her in the crystal. Locked up in one of those cages in the faerie reel. That’s where you’d be if I hadn’t got you out.’

She wanted to tell him what she’d promised Levantiana, but even thinking about it caused her throat to close up again, threatening to choke her.

She coughed hard until the sensation passed.

What would happen if she ever did fall pregnant?

If she and Rav had a child together, how would it be, knowing that it could be taken from her at any time?

And what would he say, how horrified would he be if that happened and he found out that she’d known all along that it would?

That she was unable to stop it? Faye felt sick.

He looked away.

‘I know you saved me. I…I hate it that you did. Not because I want to be there still. But because I was too weak to help myself.’ He punched the wall suddenly, and it made Faye jump.

‘Sometimes, I think I imagined the whole thing. I wish I had.’

Faye’s heart broke as she watched Rav’s expression – a haunted blankness she’d tried to erase with kindness. He didn’t want to remember; he was trying to bury what had happened to him.

He wanted a normal life. He wanted to forget what had happened to him in Murias. But Faye couldn’t forget, and she would never stop being a witch. She could certainly never forget Aisha; she had to bring her back somehow.

Sadness welled up in her. She didn’t know if she could reconcile being with Rav and being true to herself.

She couldn’t make herself small, or less than she was.

She was a witch, a powerful woman, a Morgan.

She thought Rav loved her. But she wondered if he would ever be able to fully accept that magical part of her that might need to battle fae or protect the ones she loved.

Faye reached for Rav’s hand. She wanted to make it work, but she couldn’t compromise herself. She knew that then, clear as crystal.

‘I’m sorry. It’s just been…quite a night,’ she said, squeezing his fingers. ‘I know you weren’t doing anything wrong. I was jealous of you and Mallory.’

‘You don’t need to be jealous. Ever.’ Rav squeezed her hand back, and his eyes were full of tears. ‘I’d never do anything to hurt you, Faye. I love you.’

He took her in his huge, strong arms and held her tight.

‘I love you,’ he repeated. ‘You are the only one.’

‘I love you too,’ she replied. Her heart soared.

It was what she had wanted to hear, and she hugged him tight.

But there was also a sadness in her that she closed away beyond a door, along with everything she’d wanted to tell Rav: about the bargain she had made with the faerie queen, and the prophecy Finn swore was true.

He didn’t want to be told – and she couldn’t tell him – so she stayed quiet.

But in doing so, a part of her was lost. It was another little sacrifice, a shallow cut that she sliced from herself as an offering to the normal life that Rav wanted. It hurt.

And she wondered how long she could tolerate this pain for the reward of Rav’s love.

Because now that she had stepped into her faerie power, she wanted more of it.

She could feel it filling her even now she had returned to the human world and the effects of leaving faerie were upon her.

Even though she felt discomfort, she still remembered the ecstasy of the faerie power pumping through her veins, and that had nothing to do with Finn or Rav. That power was hers, and hers alone.