Page 13 of A Kiss from the Fae (Mistress of Magic #2)

‘Well, I love Roni. There’s that. And he loves me.

I think. Anyway. Not the point.’ Sumi pumped some floral scented hand cream onto one palm and started rubbing it into her hands.

‘Point is, I wanted to talk to you about what’s going on with Rav.

I mean, he gave us some kind of cock and bull story about you taking all these drugs together and visiting fairyland when he was up in Scotland?

And that’s why he’s like he is – I mean, he looks terrible.

He’s lost weight, he doesn’t look like he’s sleeping.

Roni says he’s drinking more than he usually would, and he seems edgy.

I mean, I wanted to meet you…see if you were some kind of junkie he’d picked up with, you know, some weirdo.

But now I see that you’re…’ Sumi trailed off.

‘Normal?’ Faye interjected.

‘Well…yes, to be honest. You seem like a nice, normal girl. So, help me out here. I don’t get what’s going on. He wouldn’t go on some drugs bender and neither would you. I can tell. And I’m really worried about Rav. He’s an old and very dear friend of both of ours.’

Sumi shook her head concernedly. ‘I dunno…maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist?’ Sumi searched Faye’s eyes, and Faye considered lying.

Considered agreeing that, yes, they’d taken drugs and had a consensual hallucination that Rav was abducted to Murias.

That they’d been high as kites, and Rav was experiencing psychological trauma because of it.

Faye didn’t know Sumi, but she wanted Sumi to like her.

She wanted to fit into this loud, fashionable crowd that Rav was a part of.

And she knew instinctively that while her witchiness gave her some novelty appeal, too much of it would make her strange.

She remembered Bel McDougall shouting, She’s a witch, she’s a witch , pointing, laughing; she wished Annie was with her.

But the desire to fit in wasn’t as strong as the new power she was still coming to terms with – the new fae power that coursed in her veins, black and gold as the stone she trailed her fingertips across as she listened to Sumi.

‘He might need counselling, you’re right.

But it did really happen – the fairyland thing.

We weren’t on drugs. I’ve never taken anything stronger than a glass of whisky,’ she said, thinking, Unless you count faerie wine, which is a whole other thing .

‘I know it’s hard to understand. But…Abercolme, where I’m from…

we have a…close relationship to the old ways there. The realm of faerie is very close.’

Sumi frowned at her. Clearly, she’d been expecting Faye to be an ally in helping Rav with what she perceived as his delusional state.

‘I don’t understand. The realm of faerie. It’s not real. I mean, outside books and songs and stuff. You can’t just walk into it.’

‘You can,’ Faye insisted. ‘I’ve been there. And Rav was taken there. I promise you that’s what happened. But, yes, it’s hard to explain to people that have a…more conventional world view, let’s say.’

Sumi looked away and Faye felt the warm rapport that had extended between them loosen and cool.

‘Well, maybe we’ll have to agree to disagree,’ Sumi said carefully.

‘Most importantly, we need to make sure Rav’s getting the help he needs.

To be honest, with all the stress of the business, I’m not surprised this happened.

He had some kind of nervous breakdown. Maybe the both of you did.

It happens.’ Sumi’s expression was neutral; her previous friendliness was muted.

‘But…’ Faye trailed off, not knowing what to say.

‘I’m sure you believe you’re telling the truth.’ Sumi was trying to be kind, but she couldn’t look Faye in the eye. ‘But, please. For Rav’s sake, don’t encourage this fantasy. And we’d really appreciate it if you could help us talk him into seeing someone. You might need to, as well.’

Faye looked away. ‘I care about him, you know.’ Her voice was small; Sumi had prodded the guilt that lay close under Faye’s surface.

It was her fault, all of it: Rav was suffering because of her.

But you saved him, too. Don’t forget that , she reminded herself, and stood a little taller. Sumi doesn’t understand.

‘Of course I’ll talk to him. About therapy.

But you should know him well enough that you understand you can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do,’ Faye added, meeting Sumi’s eyes defiantly.

Sumi was being a concerned friend, but Faye wouldn’t lie just to smooth things over between them or to assuage Sumi’s ignorance on the matter.

‘I know.’ Sumi nodded. There was an uncomfortable silence. ‘Well, we better get back. They’ll wonder what happened to us.’ Sumi fluffed her hair briefly in the long mirror and pushed open the mirrored door. Faye followed her out of the bathroom with unease uncurling in her belly.

When she got back to the table, Mallory was sitting in her seat, talking animatedly to Rav and Roni. Rav smiled affectionately at Faye when he saw her and stood up to give her his seat.

‘Faye, have you met Mallory?’ Rav stood behind them both, like a matchmaker determined they would be friends.

‘Oh, yes, Faye was just telling us all about her shop. It sounds amazing!’ Mallory smiled a dazzling smile at Faye. Perhaps she’d read Mallory all wrong initially; there were all kinds of reasons why someone could be frosty on a first introduction.

So, Faye returned the warm smile, which belied the tension that remained after her conversation with Sumi.

‘You should come and visit sometime when I go back to Scotland. I’d love to show you around,’ she offered, and Mallory smiled glossily, running a black-fingernailed hand through her fringe.

‘How lovely that would be,’ she replied, though Faye noted that Mallory was looking up at Rav and not her when she replied.

Still, Rav was the person Mallory knew best; people did that kind of thing when they weren’t sure of others.

Faye had trained herself to talk to strangers because of the shop, but everyone was different.

Rav topped up Mallory’s wine glass and peered into the empty bottle.

‘I’ll get a new one when I go past the bar. Got to pop out for a minute and make a call.’ He placed a kiss on Faye’s forehead. ‘Back in a minute.’

‘Okay.’ Faye didn’t want him to go – he was her one island of safety. At least she and Mallory had broken the ice. Yet, as soon as Rav was out of sight, Mallory gave Faye that same thin-lipped smile and turned her back again, leaving Faye with no one to talk to.

The anxiety Faye had been fighting off since she had followed Rav into the restaurant flooded back.

She was worried about what Sumi and the rest thought of her, but there was an added environmental pressure: London sat outside the bar like a malign dog, growling at the door.

Tonight, the clamour of the city felt oppressive.

This was the first night she’d come into the busier part of the city.

It was a Friday night; the pavements teemed with people, and Faye found that in places, she had to step into the road to get around them.

The traffic was heavy and the air was full of food smells, underlying which was a grittier, smokier presence she was unused to.

It put her on edge. She jumped when people nudged her, brushed past her or hurtled by unexpectedly.

Since being in the realm of faerie, she’d noticed something different about the way she related to the human world around her.

She’d always felt connected to the natural world and felt dissonant and lost if she didn’t go outside every day, feel the earth under her feet and the air on her skin.

But, after those first few times being in Murias, Faye felt more deeply connected to the trees, the grass and the sky, as if threads made of each element brushed her skin and tangled in her hair, held her, whispering their magic.

Faye felt turned upside down, as if all her usual compass points were missing. She was adrift. And being inside the bar, being ignored, made it worse. She felt panic rise up in her throat like acid and knew she had to get out of there.

She was angry now, too – furious that these trendy intellectuals dismissed her magic so quickly. To them, her witch shop and talk of tarot was an entertaining novelty, but they weren’t able to understand anything deeper. They didn’t have the language, the frame of reference, so they rejected her.

Faye got up, grabbed her coat from the back of the chair and made her way towards the exit, pushing past people queueing to be served by the glamorous bar staff. Outside, she gulped in the air, desperate for peace, but the air was grey and full of the heavy smell of fatty food.

‘Hey, Faye! What’s wrong?’ Rav was standing outside on his phone, but held out his hand for her. She knew she must look wild, like a cornered animal, because that was how she felt.

‘Nothing. I…didn’t feel well. Inside. I needed some air.’ She tried breathing it in again and coughed.

‘Not much air to be had out here. It’s no Abercolme.’ A haunted look flitted across Rav’s face momentarily, then was gone; Sumi and the rest of them had seen this same look. Had seen the dark circles under his eyes. He ended the call.

‘It isn’t.’ She wondered whether to tell him what Sumi had asked her. Whether to ask him if he wanted her to lie; to say that Murias had been a dream, a fantasy, a mutual high. Would that make it easier for him to recover?

Her instinct was to tell the truth. In that moment, she also wanted to tell Rav about the promise she’d made to give a human baby – her future child, perhaps their future child together – to Levantiana, the faerie queen.

She wanted to go back into the bar with him, hand in hand, and tell his friends exactly what had happened in Abercolme.

About Murias – tell them categorically, explain in detail once and for all what was real and what wasn’t.

Faye yearned for the release of that pressure; she didn’t want to be the only one that knew what she knew any more.

But she’d told the truth to Sumi, and Sumi hadn’t believed her.

And Rav would believe her about the baby, because he had been in the faerie realm and he knew the bargains they demanded; but he wouldn’t want to hear it. And she was afraid he’d hate her for the choice she’d had to make to save him.

‘Sorry it’s so loud in there. Is it too much?’ Rav was solicitous as always. He frowned at her expression, which must have belied her anger and frustration. ‘We can go somewhere else, or go home if you’re not having a good time.’

‘No, it’s all right,’ she lied, saving his feelings. ‘I just…needed a moment, I suppose.’

‘I wanted you to meet my friends. People from the business. So you could…I dunno. Know something else about me that wasn’t being abducted by a jealous faerie king.

You know? Although that is a pretty standard relationship milestone, obviously.

’ He half smiled, looking away shyly. ‘There’s still so much we don’t know about each other, Faye.

I know I love you, but…dunno. It’s been tough. ’

‘I know,’ she said, feeling guilty.

‘I know we need to talk more about…what happened. I know. But I’m not ready, okay? I’ll tell you when I am. But I’m only just back on my feet, and…’ He trailed off, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger.

‘I don’t expect you to talk about it until you’re ready.

I know how weird and scary it was, and I can only imagine…

’ She saw in his eyes that even this was too much for him, and so she trailed off and looked away at the bustling street.

She knew he needed to heal. And yet, there was a question in her mind that she didn’t want to ask, and felt sure that she didn’t want to hear the answer to, so she pushed it away.

What if Rav never wanted to talk about being kidnapped by Finn?

‘Your friends think I’m lying. About Murias. They’re worried about you. They think we’re either both mad or we spent months high as kites together,’ Faye blurted out. Perhaps she shouldn’t betray Sumi’s confidence, but the injustice of her accusations stung.

Rav looked away. ‘I don’t blame them. The more time I’m away from Abercolme, the more I wonder if I dreamed it all.’

‘But you didn’t dream it, Rav. You know you didn’t, right?’ Faye was aghast.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

‘I know. I know, okay? But…I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not the time.’

‘Okay.’

There was an uncomfortable silence. Faye knew that she could never tell him about the baby.

Perhaps it will be all right. Perhaps it won’t ever happen, it’s a nightmare, a hallucination.

She tried desperately to reconcile it all in her mind, but she knew she was lying to herself.

It had happened. She’d made the bargain. And she could never tell him.

‘D’you want to go back in?’ He reached for her hand. ‘Promise I won’t leave you alone with them again. They’re a tough crowd, I guess, when you don’t know them.’ He smiled ruefully.

‘You need to talk to them. To Sumi. Try and make her understand I’m not some kind of monster,’ Faye insisted. ‘Please, Rav. For me?’

‘I’ll talk to them. But not right now, okay?’

‘Fine.’

Faye didn’t want to go back in, but she acquiesced.

She followed him back into the bar and let its darkness and chaos swallow her up.

She smiled, but it was a mask, and they both knew it.