Page 9 of A Kingpin’s Weakness

I wasn’t religious; nothing against it, just wasn’t raised with it. Growing up with Jo, there wasn’t much praying, church-going, or anything close to spiritual guidance.

“Seth, please lead us in prayer,” Ms. Serena said. He nodded without hesitation.

“Father God, we want to thank you for the food before us. Bless the beautiful hands that prepared it. We ask that you bless those less fortunate than us. And we ask you to put your hands on Noah and the Knight family during this heartbreaking time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“Amen,” I echoed softly, glancing at Seth and locking eyes with him.

I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect him to be the one leading prayer. And I damn sure didn’t expect him to mention Noah. People love to say, “I’m praying for you” just to be polite but never actually meaning it. But hearing a real prayer for my brother… That felt different, and it felt nice.

“Let’s dig in,” Serena said, breaking the trance Seth and I had somehow fallen into.

We all reached for different dishes, filling our plates with a little bit of everything.

Family dinners like this? Yeah, we didn’t have those growing up.

I don’t think we ever had a big meal unless it was a holiday.

Most nights, it was noodles, sandwiches, or hot dogs.

Jo’s favorite excuse for not cooking? “No mother wants no fat-ass kids.” Right.

“Stormi, it’s so nice seeing you,” Serena warmly mentioned. “I always worried about you after I left the daycare.”

“Yeah, that feels like a lifetime ago.”

“How’s life been? You know, aside from everything with Noah?”

“Great, actually. I graduated, went on to FAU, got my master’s in education. Now I’m teaching Career and Technical Education at a middle school.”

“Wow. I knew you’d grow up and be something special.”

“Thank you.”

“Any kids?”

“Umm, no. Not yet. Just the ones I teach,” I said with a small laugh.

“Nothing wrong with that. Even though I only birthed one, I used to look at all the daycare kids like they were mine.”

“I know. And I thank you for everything you did for me and Noah while we were growing up.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” She smiled, then tilted her head. “How’s Jo?”

“Jo will always be Jo,” I said, shrugging. “I’ll be shocked if she ever changes.”

Serena’s eyes softened. “After finding out her story, I understood her a little more.”

“Her story? What story?”

“About her childhood.”

I froze for a second. “What happened in her childhood?”

She looked instantly regretful. “Maybe I’ve said too much. I just assumed you’d know now that you’re grown and Sweetie is gone.”

“No, I don’t know.” I looked at her firmly. “But I’d love for you to tell me.”

“I’m sorry, baby. That’s something Jo has to tell you.”

Seth spoke up, sounding a little annoyed. “So why bring it up, Mom?”

“It’s fine,” I said quickly, forcing a small smile. “Jo will tell me when she’s ready, I guess. We’ve never had that kind of relationship where we talk and get deep.”

“How was school, S3?” Seth asked, shifting the conversation.

I was grateful for the subject change, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still curious about Jo’s story.

What story? I thought I knew Jo. My mother and I were nothing alike.

I remember taking care of Jo since I was about four years old.

That was the first time I found her passed out on the bathroom floor with a needle hanging out of her arm.

After that, she taught me how to carefully take it out and put it up.

There were times I had to splash her with cold water to wake her up, drag her to bed, cover her up, and act like everything was normal. Eventually, she started getting high in her room instead, and it became my job to clean up the evidence before I went to bed.

She used to say, “If my baby don’t do nothing else, she gon’ take care of her mama.” And I did. Until I hit my preteens. That’s when the praise stopped. Suddenly, I couldn’t do anything right, and I was just like my daddy.

I kept count. 176. That was the number of nights I went to bed hungry in one year.

74 was how many times me and Noah split a sandwich for dinner.

It wasn’t always bad, though. I remember three times when I actually got to feel like a kid.

When we moved in with Sweetie. When Jo first started dating Noah’s dad.

And when she got with that big-time hustler who had money to blow.

But in true Jo fashion, she fucked it up every time.

Her drug problem never stayed buried long.

Jo was beautiful, though. When she cleaned up, you’d never guess she was addicted to a needle.

That’s probably why men kept giving her chances.

But once she started stealing or slipping again, they dropped her just as quick.

And for some reason, she and Sweetie never got along. I never understood why. Sweetie was my everything. I would’ve stayed with her forever if Jo let me, but she didn’t. And I couldn’t leave Noah alone with her.

And that’s why he’s lying in a hospital bed now.

I left him alone with Jo for too long. All our daily talks about goals, school, life…

they weren’t enough. Because while I was trying to keep him focused, Jo was right there in his ear pushing him to get into the drug game. Like it was the only way to survive.

We all sat around the table, stuffing our mouths with the delicious food Ms. Serena had cooked, while S3 chatted away about school and all his action figures. I actually enjoyed his excitement and his stories. It reminded me of Noah at that age: happy, full of energy, not a care in the world.

S3 switched to the seat next to me scooted closer to me, holding up his Hulk action figure and showing me everything it could do.

“S3, give her some space, baby,” Ms. Serena gently warned.

“He’s fine,” I said, smiling, still caught up in his little world.

After dinner, we all helped clean up. Plates and dishes were brought to the kitchen, and we wiped down the dining table and chairs.

Seth took over dish duty, Ms. Serena packed the leftovers into glass containers, and S3 and I sat at the island snacking on hot chips like we hadn’t just eaten a full meal plus pound cake.

“Okay, S3, go wash up for bed,” Ms. Serena said. “It’s getting late, and you know how you get in the morning.”

“But GMA!”

“Everybody about to go to bed,” Seth replied, rinsing off a plate. “You not missing out on nothing.”

“I’ll be up there to tuck you in and read you a bedtime story,” Serena added, sealing up one last container.

“Ms. Stormi, you wanna see my room?” S3 asked, eyes wide.

“Why not?”

“And maybe you can read me a bedtime story since you’re a teacher,” he grinned.

I glanced at Seth and Serena. “I can do that if Dad and GMA don’t mind.”

“Do your thing,” Seth said, giving a small nod.

S3 grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his room. This wasn’t new to me I used to do the exact same thing for Noah growing up.

“Wow Incredible Hulk room? I love it.”

“Thank you! Daddy did it for me.”

“So, what book are we reading tonight?”

“You can pick one. I have to wash up.”

He ran into the connected bathroom to brush his teeth. I walked over to his small bookshelf and scanned the titles. This brought back so many memories. I wished I could turn Noah back to this age before everything got complicated.

Maybe I should’ve taken him with me once I graduated high school.

If I could take care of him at thirteen while still in school, I could’ve done it at eighteen in college.

My eyes landed on a title that stood out: The Inner Courage. Something about it grabbed me, like the book had been waiting for this moment.

“Did you find one?” S3 called from the bathroom.

“Yes, I did. Come lay down and I’ll read it before your daddy comes in here and says I’m keeping you up.”

“Okay!”

He hopped into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.

I sat at the edge of his bed and began reading.

By the time I finished the last page, S3 was sound asleep.

And I was in tears. Everything hit me at once; Noah, Jo, the guilt, the pressure, the silence I’d been keeping. I was so over being strong.

“You actually got him to bed with one story?” Seth stood in the doorway of S3’s room, smirking softly. I tried to wipe my face quickly, but the tears came harder, exposing me.

“Damn, Stormi; you okay?” He crossed the room without hesitation, scooping me into his arms before I could even respond.

“What if he doesn’t wake up?” I whispered into his chest. “I won’t be able to forgive myself for leaving him.”

“Noah’s going to make it. You gotta think positive,” he stated, his voice steady but gentle. “But Stormi you can’t keep blaming yourself. Noah made his own decision to be in the streets. You’ve been carrying that weight alone for too long.”

“I left him with Jo,” I said through clenched teeth. “I knew how it was growing up with her.”

Seth pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes.

“I don’t know your whole childhood,” he admitted, “but I do know this… if you made it out, he has a shot too. Everybody’s path is different.

Every boy in the hood dreams about that fast money at some point.

Some wise up. Some don’t. But he’s seventeen, and in his mind, that makes him grown. You can’t carry his choices.”

“I just I don’t want this life for him.”

“My mom didn’t want it for me either,” Seth said, his eyes dark with memory.

“She worked three jobs and still couldn’t cover the bills.

I’d come home and find her on her knees praying, crying, begging God to bring me home safe.

I knew I was breaking her heart, but I also knew I had to be a man in the way I understood it.

You gotta let Noah find his own way, even if it hurts. ”

I pulled back slightly, wiping my face again. “I’m sorry. I was supposed to be in here reading S3 a bedtime story, and now I’m crying all over the place.”

He shook his head. “No need to apologize. You needed that release. If you want, you can stay the night. I got a guest room.”

I half-smiled. “I’m sure you’ve got a few guest rooms in this big-ass house. But nah, I’m okay. I actually want to talk to Jo anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Let me just order my Uber.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“It’s okay.”

“You ready now? I got a meeting soon. I can take you before or after.”

“What kind of meeting?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“It’s about Noah. Somewhat.”

“What does that mean, Seth?”

He exhaled. “The streets are hot right now. Cops, opps, I just gotta make sure my people are good. Safe. Getting home to their families.”

I nodded slowly. “I’m ready now,” was all I said as I moved to get up from his lap.

But he pulled me back down gently.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” he asked, his voice low.

We were close. Too close. His arms still wrapped around me, eyes locked on mine.

I knew I was going through it emotionally, but even through the fog of grief, I couldn’t ignore how fine this man was.

The way he held me, how present he was, protective and calm.

We sat there in silence, just staring into each other’s eyes.

Seth leaned in just a few inches from my lips. I could feel the moment building, thick with energy. If he kissed me, I wasn’t going to stop him.

Then S3 stirred in his sleep. We both flinched slightly. I jumped up quickly, brushing my hands down my jeans like that erased what almost happened.

“I’ll meet you downstairs,” I said, escaping before I could change my mind.