Page 6

“Welcome fans to another night of South Mountain football. Tonight, our Pioneers travel to Hawk Valley, where they will take on the Mountain Hawks in a regular-season district showdown. After a tough loss last week, Coach Bianchi will be looking to get his team a win and this season back on track.”

**********

Gunner stayed down on one knee as he spoke to himself in the endzone.

This is your moment.

He could feel the stares from the crowd glaring down on him, almost as piercing hot as the lights that lit up the field.

“G!” Ty yelled as he came up behind him. “You ready?”

Ready as I’ll ever be.

Gunner nodded. His eyes, however, stayed on the ground. Finally, he used all his strength to exhale and stand.

“Let’s get a win tonight!” It was all the energy Gunner could muster, but it was enough to send them both into motion.

His vision was shaky as he gazed across the stadium. The red and white uniforms of the other team ran back and forth with each new stretch they performed. It took everything Gunner had to force his legs to press forward. The Nike cleats on his feet felt like cement bricks as he dragged them across the grass, which looked like it had not been watered in weeks.

“We gotta get this one tonight, G.” Ty had built into a jog, and Gunner could not find the momentum to keep up. The back of the white and blue shirt in front of him, Carter laminated across it, sprinted further and further away.

Come on.

Coach Bianchi was the next face Gunner saw, and he willed himself to run faster so he could join the pregame huddle.

“OK, guys.” The bulky head coach was on one knee, peering up at the rest of the team, when Gunner settled in. “We need to stick together tonight, play as a team, and play smart.”

Of course.

Gunner lowered his head, as the bright lights were beginning to give him a headache.

“Play hard, play smart, and play tough. If you do that, I promise that we will win this game!”

Real original.

The whistle from the referee brought a roar from the crowd as the kickoff team ran onto the field. A hasty shift of his coach’s visor brought a boiling into Gunner’s stomach that he struggled to understand.

What’s wrong with me?

He tried to concentrate. The reflection of his face on the helmet at his feet was the last thing he saw before the whistle on the field blew again .

“Another great return for Tyquan Carter, who brings the ball to the Mountain Hawk thirty-five-yard line. It will be first down and ten as Gunner Weston brings the Pioneers onto the field. Weston will be looking to bounce back after a tough game last week.”

“Alright guys, let’s make this count,” Gunner said, scanning over the players in the huddle. “Forget about last week and do your job.”

He called out the play, sending Emilio to the line before repeating it one more time.

“Break!”

As the team moved toward the line of scrimmage, Gunner brought his hands up to his mouth, whispering into them.

This is your moment.

He tried to steady his vision, but the dull headache had gotten stronger. The red helmets of the other team were a blur as he settled in behind Emilio.

“Weston calls out the cadence and takes the snap. He hands it to Carter, who is immediately hit and stopped for only a few yards on the play. Coach Bianchi is going to have to trust Weston to throw the ball if they are going to have any chance of winning this game.

Gunner Weston brings the team back to the ball on second down. Weston takes the snap, and he is going to throw. He has time and he… WOW! What a bad pass by Weston as he threw the ball way out of bounds---not even close to his receiver, Andy Green. Gunner Weston just does not seem comfortable tonight.

OK folks, here we go. Weston gets his team back up to the ball. He calls out the cadence and takes the snap. He is going to throw again. He is looking to Jefferson Taylor on the right side, and the ball is... ”

Jesus Christ!

He missed again, and this time he threw it right to the other team. He had JT wide open. As he stood in disbelief, throwing off his chin strap, he heard the home crowd explode in cheers.

What am I doing? What’s going on?

His helmet was beginning to suffocate him, and he quickly ripped it off.

I can’t do this.

His chest was getting tight, and his legs were losing strength as he darted by his teammates near the bench.

Dad, I can’t do this.

A voice was yelling at him, but he was struggling to focus. The lights from the field were penetrating, and the headache was pulsating so hard that he thought his temple might burst.

Life is about moments, Gunner.

His dad’s voice was now ringing in his head, making the headache almost unbearable as he buried his forehead in his hands and dropped to the cold metal bench.

It is what you do with those…

“Gunner!” The loud scream boomed right in front of his face. “Gunner, I need you to focus right now! You need to wake the hell up because your teammates need you!” He forced his head up from his hands to find a red-faced Coach Bianchi standing in front of him. “Gunner, you are the quarterback, the leader, and right now, I need you to lead your teammates!”

I can’t do this.

He stood up slowly, walking toward the end of the metal bench .

“Gunner, what are you doing? Get back over here.”

It all felt like a nightmare. Gunner’s stomach was heaving, forcing him to grab his midsection for support.

“Gunner, what are you doing?”

I’m done. I can’t do this.

He was mumbling like a madman as he felt his shoulders being grabbed.

“Gunner, what---”

I can’t lead this team!

“I am done!” he shouted, the whole sideline turning to him as he finally snapped. “I can’t do this!”

It was that bubbling anger that was coming up from his stomach now. A ball of fire that he had tried to bury for so long.

“I am done with all of this!”

This was not how it was supposed to go. This was not how he was supposed to experience his senior year. It was supposed to be different, with him as the captain and his father as the coach.

“Gunner, you can’t quit on your team! They need you!”

A stadium of eyes were again searing into his skin, and he could feel them saying the same thing. They wanted him to lead. They wanted him to fix this.

They want me to be my father.

He caught a glimpse of Peyton, who had broken from her cheerleading line and was walking toward him.

Stay away, Peyton !

“Gunner!” Coach Bianchi yelled, leaning toward him.

“Yeah!” Gunner’s voice barreled through the sideline. His teammates avoided his glare. “Well, you would know a lot about quitting on your team, wouldn’t you, Coach!?”

He knew what he had said, and he knew what that meant for him. Yet, at that moment, when he spun away, he couldn’t have cared less about any of it.

Screw this game.

Peyton was shouting his name, chasing after him, but he was already sprinting out of the stadium.

I have to get out of here.

**********

“Well, Pioneer fans, another disappointing night, as our South Mountain High football team lost again, and this one was not close. The final score was 52-7, but the game will not be the talking point in the papers tomorrow. The real story is about Gunner Weston, who left the sidelines after throwing an interception on the first drive of the game.

Weston has not looked like the all-district quarterback we saw last year as he has tried to play through what has been a tragic time for him and his family. A lot of people around the community are wondering if Coach Bianchi should have even given Weston the chance to go out and start. He clearly is not in the right mindset to be playing football, and you must wonder if Coach Bianchi has the best interests of this young man at heart.”

Hailey switched off the radio and steadied herself next to her sister, who was staring straight forward on the couch.

Why would they say that about Daddy ?

They had not spoken since the game ended, and as the headlights flashed up the driveway, Hailey could feel her heart sink.

I hate this so much.

“I’ll get the soup warmed up for him.” Melissa seemed to already know what to expect.

Hailey could not help but stare at the door, waiting for the doorknob to turn and her father to enter. Seconds turned to minutes, and she knew her father was sitting in the dark, collecting his thoughts in the car before coming in.

He did this after most games, but when they lost, he could spend hours out there by himself. When they were young, he had told them it was because he never wanted to bring the games home with him, but Hailey still struggled each time she watched him from the window.

The beep from the microwave meant the soup was finished, and as if on cue, the doorknob finally turned. Her father walked in with a large smile on his face. The notepads in his hand were crumpled, and he threw them down, along with the duffle bag he typically carried.

“My girls!” He flashed a phony smile to hide his clear grief. Melissa ushered in the soup to greet him. “Dinner!” he squeaked, and he made his way over, pecking her sister on the forehead. “You girls did not have to make me dinner!”

Stop it, Daddy.

He did the same to Hailey, not giving either of them a chance to say anything before he headed directly for the sink in the kitchen to wash up.

For the two girls, this routine was typical. But tonight, Hailey could feel that something was different. Her father stood by the sink for a minute, washing his hands before grabbing a towel and turning.

“So…” He threw the cloth down. “What movie are we watching to night?”

This is not good.

He slowly made his way over and grabbed the bowl of soup from Melissa.

“Daddy?” Hailey asked as he dropped onto the chair. “Are you OK?”

He played with the spoon for a moment, and the pause allowed Melissa to ease in by Hailey’s side.

“Fine, sweetheart.”

He beamed a fake smile and took one spoonful of soup before setting the bowl on the table next to him.

Something is wrong.

“Maybe,” he said, flipping the TV on, “we can watch your favorite movie.” Hailey’s eyes were fixed on her father as he continued to press buttons on the remote. “You can show me what part you will be playing so I can get ready for the play.”

Hailey swung her legs off the couch and leaned in.

“Daddy.” Her voice was soft, and he finally looked over at her. She stared into his eyes; the agony was clear. “Are you sure you are OK?”

His gaze remained on her for a moment before moving slowly to her sister. They sat in silence as the TV softly played in the background.

“Fine Hails, just fine.”

His voice made her heart sink into her stomach.

He is not fine.

Her chest was tightening. Each breath was getting harder and harder to take as she watched her father stand up and slink toward the refrigerator.

It is just a stupid game!

She jumped up and followed him into the kitchen. Her father was bent over, the light from the refrigerator gleaming out onto the floor.

“Daddy?” His arm dropped from the door, forcing her to hastily slide in.

He had his hands on his knees. His head hung as he took a deep breath. As she inched closer, the light that beamed on his face showed something that shook her to the core.

He’s crying!

“Daddy!” she screamed, wrapping him up tight in her arms.

Oh god!

The patter of Melissa’s feet echoed through the kitchen. The alarm in Hailey’s voice had alerted her that something was wrong.

“Dad!” she exclaimed softly, jumping around the aluminum door and grabbing his hand.

At first, he said nothing. Hailey could hear no sobs, but his body shook. Finally, he turned and collapsed onto the floor, his back pushed up against the open refrigerator.

“Girls…” His voice cracked, and Hailey dropped to the hardwood next to him. “I am so sorry!”

He began to sob. It was something that Hailey had never seen before, and she looked over at Melissa to confirm that her sister saw it too.

What have they done!?

She was using all her strength to fight back the tears. Her stomach was in knots. Seeing her father on the floor, so helpless, made her entire body shake.

“I should never have brought us here. We should never have left California.”

Hailey looked over to her sister again, who had now broken into a sob as well.

Do. Not. Cry.

“I thought I could make this work. I thought we could have a fresh start.” Hailey put her head against his chest, his breathing heavy as he spoke. “But I don’t think I can do this.”

They broke my Daddy.

It was over. The defeat in her father’s voice was too much, and Hailey could no longer hold back. The tears broke through the shield she had put up, and the floodgates opened as she fell against him for support.

“I promised your mother. I promised her that I would take care of you both and I just---” She could feel his hand on her head now. “I screwed up! I keep screwing up, and I am so sorry!” He screamed louder than Hailey had ever heard. The slam of his head into one of the drawers in the refrigerator made her jump in his grasp.

The cool air blew against Hailey’s neck as she continued to sob into her father’s chest. Even though she knew he was wrong, she could think of nothing to say.

This is all their fault!

This was not her father’s fault. This was the fault of this town. This stupid town that never wanted them. This stupid town that had this stupid football team.

And that stupid QUARTERBACK!

“Dad, you didn’t screw up!” Melissa shouted. “I did this to us. It’s my fault! I ruined everything.”

No, Melissa!

Her father’s eyes shot up at her. A fear Hailey had never witnessed spread across his face.

“Baby girl, don’t you ever say that.”

Hailey could hear the anger in his voice. And while she knew it was not directed at her sister, the change in tone, mixed with sobs, made her shoulders tense.

“This was never your fault.” He must have felt her change in posture because he kissed her on the head and urged both of them to look up. “You two girls are the most important things in my life. I hope you both know that.”

I do, Daddy.

Hailey nodded and saw her sister do the same.

“Your mother…” he said, his voice cracking again. “You both look so much like your mother.” He hugged them tight, and Hailey felt more tears stream down her face. “She would be so proud of you both. For how strong you are.”

I am not strong.

Hailey squeezed him as hard as she could.

“Your mom always said that I needed to be strong for you girls. But I think, in the end, it is you girls who are the tough ones.”

Hailey got as close to him as she could. Melissa sat down heavily beside them, and Hailey wrapped one of her arms around her sister and the other around her father.

No, Daddy, you are the tough one. You hold us together.