Page 26 of A Follow-Through in Faking
Catalina
My mouth is so wide open, there is no way I will be able to close it unless I use the palm of my hand to press it shut again.
My back is still aching and uncomfortable, but at least the spasming has stopped.
Santiago is right.
I need to slow things down. I have to think about the big tournaments, the grand slams, if I want to win them, and if I played doubles, it would be less on my back because I could perhaps rely on Santi more. I wouldn’t have to serve as much as I do during singles matches.
Damn him for giving me an option I’m actually considering.
Well, at least before I remember a very important detail.
“Very funny, Santi. You can’t possibly play singles and doubles at the same time. It’s too much,” I say, shaking my head at him.
“I wouldn’t. I’d only play doubles with you.” I snort, but the sound dies out when I see how serious he looks.
He’s still got his hand on my arm, and that single touch is enough to keep me in place. Sat on this tennis court where I just fell to my knees in pain. Staring at Santi as if I’ve never seen him before.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve by giving me this ‘option’ when we both know you wouldn’t go through with it.”
“Yes, I would. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you what your career means to me.”
His amber eyes are full of determination and hope, as if he’s begging me with a single gaze to play doubles with him. To allow him to do exactly what he said he wants to: prove that my career means a lot to him, too. That he wants me to succeed.
“Why would you do this?” I ask, leaning away from him because I’m too shocked to jump at the opportunity.
It won’t count toward my points in the singles rankings, but I could still play in tournaments. I wouldn’t have to feel like a huge failure, not like I would if I didn’t play in the tournaments. I could still win prize money to support my family.
“Because I care about you, Catalina. I thought that was obvious,” he replies, making me snort.
“You are extremely good at faking this relationship, I will give you that, but I don’t believe it has gotten to the point where you would prioritize me over you,” I say, and Santi frowns instantly, his sunshine smile nowhere to be found.
“I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be, but you can’t possibly still believe this is fake.
” His words would have me stumbling back if I was standing.
“Cata, I have no idea what the fuck I’m feeling, but it’s real.
Yes, I’m taking you on dates to keep up the image, but I’m also taking you on dates because spending time with you makes me happy.
Not the superficial type of happiness that leaves minutes after you’re finished with whatever you were doing.
It’s the type of joy that lingers and every time you recall the event, it makes you giddy all over. ”
My heart retreats to the deepest part of my body to keep from getting affected by his words.
“I don’t constantly look at you when you sit in my box during my matches because we’re supposed to be fake dating.
I do it because the mere sight of you calms my anxiety.
It’s so rare for me to find anything that can comfort me when I deal with my anxiety, and I don’t know why you, out of all people, have this strong effect on me, but that isn’t a question I need to find an answer to.
It’s enough for me to take things for what they are instead. ”
All I can do is stare and blink at him because it takes all of my strength not to let tears fill my eyes.
“I don’t seek you out when no one is looking in secret hopes we get caught.
I seek you out because I’m hoping to have a moment just between the two of us.
I want the intimate and private moments even more than the grand and spectacular ones.
Because it’s during the quiet ones, where it’s just us, that you open up to me, and that’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. ”
Ignoring my aching back, I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs, never looking away from Santi because he hasn’t looked away from me since he started this conversation.
I’d understand if he had. Sharing your feelings, especially when you have no idea what exactly they are, is terrifying.
On top of that, he still thinks I hate him with every fiber of my being, and while I’m still a bit angry, I don’t hate Santiago anymore.
I did.
For a long time, I hated him so much, but I’ve made a grave mistake after he took me on our first date.
I went off the path of hate. Now I’m lost in the land between love and hate, and I know I’m not walking back toward the latter one.
I don’t want to. I might be scared of what it would mean to develop positive feelings for Santi again, but I’m not stubborn enough to disregard what is happening between us.
What has been happening since Carlos and Charlie made us become hitting partners who have regular dinners, go on dates, sit in each other's boxes, and more.
So much more.
“Will you say something, Cata? I feel like I’m standing here naked and all you’re doing is staring at me like you can’t quite decide if you like what you see,” he says with a nervous laugh, but he’s right, isn’t he? Isn’t that exactly what is happening, even if it’s only metaphorically speaking?
“For someone as unromantic as you, you certainly know how to use words to make another person speechless,” I reply, stretching out my legs again because I don’t know what to do with myself.
“I don’t know what it is about you, carino , but I don’t think I’d be saying any of this if I was talking to someone else,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck as he stares down at the ground.
“I know you’re not where I am. I don’t expect you to be, but it feels wrong to offer you to play doubles, to put your trust in me, if you didn’t know how deeply I care for you,” Santi adds, his attention shifting back to my face.
The intensity of his gaze has me sucking in a sharp breath, making me stare down at my hands because what I’m about to say isn’t what he will want to hear.
“Words can be so pretty, Santi. Remember when you told me it was you and me, that nothing and no one could stop us as long as we fought them together?” I ask, and he brings his fingers to my chin to nudge my head up, forcing my eyes back to his.
“I was so stupid, Cata, and if I could do it all over again, I’d choose you. I’d choose us.”
I open my mouth to respond, but no words come out, no matter how hard I try to make them leave my lips.
“You need actions, not words. I understand that. So let me prove it. Play doubles with me for the next two tournaments or for however long you need to until your back feels better so you can keep playing tournaments on your own,” he says, caressing my jaw with his thumb in a way that makes me visibly shiver.
“Renjun Choi could close the distance between you and him in the singles ranking standings,” I remind him, because I don’t think he has thought this through.
“I don’t care.”
An expression of suspicion and disbelief covers my face because there is no way he means that. I know Santi. He’s as competitive as I am.
Sensing that I’m not buying his act, he leans forward closing the distance between us until his lips almost brush mine.
“One chance, Cata, give me one. Please. I’ll prove it to you,” he says, and I find myself leaning closer when his fresh scent fills my nose.
“And then what?” I whisper, almost against his lips because of how close we are, and I notice Santi tensing.
“Then, maybe, you’ll let me take you on a real date where I can kiss you properly while no one is watching,” he says, and I hate how much I want that too.
“No one is watching right now,” I blurt out, but I hear footsteps approaching the court.
It’s right before I pull back that Santi’s grip on me tightens a little, keeping me in place before his lips find mine for a slow, soft kiss that makes my stomach tumble. It’s too quick, too little contact, but a tiny whimper escapes me when his tongue briefly slips into my mouth again.
There is nothing quite like kissing Santiago Javier Castillo, especially after he’s shared his feelings with me.
After he bared himself to me and offered me something so sweet.
And if Charlie and Winn, my physio, weren’t approaching, I’d pull his mouth back to mine to demand more.
More, more, more of the dangerous drug that is him.