Page 20 of A Duke to Restore her Memory

Christina hesitated for only a moment before she knocked on the study door. It seemed like an eternity before she heard the muffled voice on the other side. “Enter.”

She stepped into the room, gazing around, her heart filling with pain. Only a week ago, she had been coming here to help him with the business ledgers for the mines.

He had trusted her implicitly. Only a few days ago, he had let her accompany him to help after the explosion at one of the mines, praising her efforts.

How was he going to react towards her now?

Lydia. It is entirely Lydia’s fault. She was the one who put doubt into his head about me working on the ledgers … and now, she has cast doubt to the world about me, telling everyone that I am defrauding the duke entirely.

He was standing near the fireplace, with his back to her, gazing out the window. Slowly, he turned around. Despite the circumstances, her heart started pounding hard and she felt a frisson of delight.

The sight of him – broad-shouldered and commanding in a crisp black jacket and cream britches, his tousled dark hair falling over his face – took her breath away.

He was so devastatingly attractive, but it was more than that now. Much, much more. She knew his mind … and his heart. He was a clever, courageous, compassionate man. A good man. The very best of men.

She curtseyed deeply before rising. “Your Grace.”

But he wasn’t smiling at her the way he usually did, and his dark eyes weren’t shining the way they normally did when he beheld her, either.

“Georgina,” he said in a short, clipped voice. “What can I do for you?”

Her heart plummeted at the coldness in his voice. It was such a stark contrast to how he had last spoken to her that it made her mind whirl and her heart ache.

She took a deep, ragged breath. She had requested this audience with him, and she had done it for a good reason. She must get on with it and not let his demeanour unnerve her.

“I apologize for disturbing you,” she stammered, feeling disconcerted. “But I thought we should talk.” She exhaled slowly. “I … I have heard some disturbing rumours circulating about me in the servants’ hall. I thought you may have heard them as well.”

He nodded curtly but didn’t say anything. She felt sweat trickle down the back of her neck again. It seemed he wasn’t going to make this easy for her.

And worse than that, the lack of surprise on his face showed her that he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“The rumours are not true,” she declared, trying to make her voice sound firm but calm, even though she felt like bursting into noisy tears. “I would never do that to you or anyone.” She hesitated. “I am not pretending to have lost my memory to stay here and seduce you, Your Grace. The very idea of it is terribly distressing to me … as is the thought that I might lose your trust in me …”

Abruptly, she stopped talking, staring at him pleadingly. He was just looking at her, his head tilted sideways, his mouth drawn in a tight line. There wasn’t a flicker of warmth in his eyes. In fact, he looked quite hostile towards her.

He doesn’t believe me. He thinks it is true.

Her heart somersaulted in her chest in distress. She was too late – he had heard the rumours about her and stewed on them.

Probably his sister had fanned the flames, reiterating that ‘Georgina’ was fraudulent and that she had never trusted her right from the start. She should have asked to see him and confronted him about them as soon as she had heard them circulating.

She felt her mind begin to whirl. She felt sick to her stomach. Clearly, the damage was already done … and there was nothing she could do to repair it.

“I … I can see that you have already heard these rumours and believe them,” she said faltering, trying to raise her chin and look him straight in the eye without flinching. “I do apologize. You have been so generous and kind to me, but I will no longer impose on you. I will leave your home as soon as I make the necessary arrangements.”

She turned to leave. But then she stopped, turning back to him.

“It really is not true,” she cried, her mask slipping finally, so that he could see how upset she was. “And it is distressing for me even to hear it. But I will say no more. Good day, Your Grace.”

The tears were blurring her vision now. She turned and fled the room before she embarrassed herself entirely and burst into noisy tears.

He didn’t need to see her distress. She would only make a complete fool out of herself. He would probably think that she was just pretending – that she was shedding crocodile tears.

Christina fled the house, seeking the garden. She marched briskly, her back ramrod straight and stiff. It was only when she entered the secluded sanctuary at the end of the west wing of the gardens, where she couldn’t be easily discerned, that the mask finally fully dropped, and she burst into piercing tears.

She sat down on the ground, leaning against an old statue of the goddess Venus, which was covered in moss, sobbing her heart out.

She vaguely heard the birds chittering merrily in the trees above and the humming of bees as they sought the sweet nectar of the flowers surrounding her, but she didn’t comprehend any of it.

All she could think about was the cold look on the duke’s face as she had told him that the rumours about her weren’t true.

Her heart turned over at the thought that he could believe her capable of such deception. They had grown so close over the past month – she had genuinely believed that he admired her … as well as desiring her. How could he just dismiss his feelings, turning them on and off like pumping water from a well?

Christina wiped away her tears with the back of her hands. She was so hurt that he could believe the rumours about her, but she supposed she couldn’t blame him. He was a duke.

He owned a magnificent estate, owned a mining business, and was very wealthy. There would be many unscrupulous people out there who would take advantage of him, given half the chance.

A lot of confidence women, as well as common fortune hunters, who would try to take him for a ride if given the opportunity. He would be a fool not to be cautious.

But I am not one of them. I do not know who I am, or what my life was like before I came here, but I do know that. I know that I have integrity.

A wave of furious indignation swept over her. She was an honest person – she knew that. She was genuinely suffering from memory loss, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to recover it completely. The vivid dreams and fleeting flashbacks she had of random people and things were not enough – it wasn’t happening quickly enough. How could she make herself remember her life?

She realized she was gripping her knees so tightly her knuckles were white. Slowly, she exhaled, getting to her feet. Instinctively, she started heading towards the stables. She didn’t even realize she was going there until she was upon them.

She slipped inside, making sure that no one saw her, her heart beating hard as she walked to the stable at the end, which contained the handsome black horse she had been riding on the day of her accident. The horse that held the key to who she really was.

The horse was leaning over the stable door as if it realized she was coming. Christina ran to it, crooning to it sweetly, stroking its glossy nose, admiring its beauty.

I love this horse with my whole heart. I know that I do, yet I cannot remember why. I cannot remember when I first got this horse, our first ride together, or anything about my relationship with the animal. Why? Why won’t my memory return? What am I trying to forget … what is my mind trying to shield from me?

She stared into the soft brown eyes of the beast, willing the memories to return, but it was as useless as always. It just wasn’t happening. She let out a sob of pure frustration. The horse nickered, pressing its nose against her as if trying to comfort her.

Suddenly, she knew what she needed to do. She needed to ride the horse. She needed to leave the estate entirely, to feel the wind on her face, her hair streaming behind her.

She needed to get away from this pressure just for a little while. And who knew – maybe riding the horse by herself, over these hills, might spark a memory within her mind, leading to the recovery of her entire life’s memories. At the very least, it couldn’t hurt.

As she led the horse from the stable, saddling it, she tried to ignore the deep hurt within her heart, pushing aside thoughts of the duke entirely. She couldn’t make him believe she was an honest person. She couldn’t make him love her, either. Now, she just wanted her old life back. Whatever it had been.

***

Sebastian hurried down the garden path, searching for Georgina. Mrs Sollock had told him that she had seen her entering the gardens but didn’t know what direction she had gone.

The housekeeper’s eyes had been filled with sympathy as if she knew how hard this was for him. How hard he was battling to figure out the truth of this.

He stopped abruptly, gazing around, as he reached a fork in the paths leading in two directions. The sun was shining brightly on his face. He squinted, contemplating both of them, wishing he could figure out which one she had taken.

I cannot believe it has come to this. I cannot believe that I am seriously considering that she might be a confidence woman. I rescued her from the pit with my own arms. I know how injured she was … and how dazed and confused when she finally regained consciousness.

He hesitated. The rumours about Georgina had been gaining ground, whipping around the estate with lightning speed.

Mrs Sollock had informed him that the servants were whispering about Georgina in their quarters, and no matter how firmly the housekeeper told them off, they kept doing it.

The scandal was taking on a life of its own … and no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that he shouldn’t listen to gossip, the doubts had entered his mind and his heart, worming their way in like poisonous asps and lodging there.

His heart tensed. He must find her. He could see how distressed she was when she had left the study, and it had broken his heart. He didn’t know what he believed anymore … only that he didn’t want to see her so upset.

Suddenly, he saw Hawkins, the stable master, walking towards him. The man’s face was grim.

“I thought I should tell you that the young woman has taken the black horse,” said the stable master curtly. “She did not tell anyone. She simply slipped into the stable, saddled the beast, and has taken off riding, Your Grace.”

“Thank you, Hawkins,” said Sebastian, his heart sinking.

The man nodded, leaving him. Sebastian kicked a stone, staring into the distance. His heart was filled with trepidation. She had told him she was leaving Newquay Hall. Had she just done it?