Page 42 of A Duke Reformed (Icy Dukes #3)

"She did," Alice answered softly. "Lavinia is right, we should sit."

Reluctantly, Emma walked with them over to the window, and the three of them sat, facing the bed. "What did Cecilia say?" she asked, glancing between Lavinia and Alice, concerned.

Alice smiled softly. "She said she's worried about you. That ever since the dinner party at the duke's estate, you have been more withdrawn, more... unsettled. She's not the only one who's noticed it. She claimed your papa has complained as well."

Emma's shoulders dropped. "I just need a little bit of time, is all. How many times do I have to tell Cecilia that there is nothing to worry about?"

"There is everything to worry about," Lavinia said, then paused to exhale. "Emma, do you recall how we were three years ago? Right before Alice met the Duke of Ravenmoor? Do you recall what we were?"

Emma stared at her fingers. "Wallflowers."

"Exactly," Lavinia replied. "We never dressed the best, we were constantly getting ridiculed... hiding behind teacups and hoping that no one asked us to dance because we weren't used to the center stage. We were overlooked, passed by, barely even spoken to unless it was out of politeness."

"Yes... I remember all too well," Emma replied.

"Then, things began to slowly change," she continued. "Not because we changed everything about us... not because we started to yearn for the spotlight or we outgrew our shyness. In fact, the changes that happened to Alice and I were against our will."

"I met Victor under the worst circumstances, and I married him even without knowing him," Alice said to Emma. "When we first met, I never thought I would ever love someone like him with a dreadful reputation. Yet here we are. I cannot imagine my life without him."

"You recall how Andrew and I got married," Lavinia said. "I complained about the entire thing to you, so I don't need to remind you about the obstacles that we faced."

Emma nodded. "I recall clearly."

"Good," she continued. "Do you know why I'm reminding you of this?"

"Of course," Emma whispered and raised her head. "It's about Solomon isn't it? Lavinia, I explained to you –"

"Emma, I don't care what you explained to me," Lavinia responded, shaking her head.

"You cannot make the decision yourself and expect fate to play along with it.

You're no longer that girl who stood in the corner hoping no one would call her forward.

You have the attention of a man who could have anyone, and yet it is you he seeks.

That is not something to run from. It's something to fight for.

Explore till the end, knowing that you did everything to satisfy your heart. "

Emma's throat tightened as she tried to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. "But what if I fight, and he doesn't? I would be a fool to pursue something when I already know how it would end."

"How would you know that?" Alice chimed in softly. "Have you seen the future, or are you that good at predicting it? Emma, that is the reason we brought up our own marriages. Would you have thought that I would ever fall in love with Victor, knowing how terrified I was of the man?"

Emma looked up and shook her head. "No."

"And would you have thought that Andrew would be this excited to be a father for the second time, knowing that he was against the idea in the first place?"

Emma let out a short giggle. "He was excited when you told him?"

"Elated." Lavinia smiled. "He's already making plans. Somehow, he's convinced we are having a girl, and he's putting things in place already. It's no use telling him that we still have a couple of months to go before the baby comes."

Emma giggled loudly this time. "That's wonderful."

"Thank you," Lavinia whispered. "But who would have thought, right?"

Alice reached for Emma's hand, giving it a firm but gentle squeeze.

"You cannot keep ignoring your feelings, Emma.

I know you think it's the safer thing to do, but burying them doesn't make them disappear.

I assure you, it will not go away if you leave them unattended to. It only makes the ache worse."

Lavinia leaned forward. "You're punishing yourself, and for what? Simply because you care for someone? So what if you tell him? So what if you pursue it? In the end, you will find your peace of mind, knowing that you did your best."

"What do you think he feels for you?" Alice questioned. "What's your heart telling you?"

Emma hesitated, biting her lower lip. "I don't know..." she admitted. "I want to believe that he cares for me, but I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to make a fool of myself."

"You know," Lavinia whispered. "You know, Emma. Do you think he might love you?"

Emma drew in a sharp breath and nodded. "I think he might feel something...strong for me. He hinted at it the other day at his dinner party."

"Do you think he doesn't know that you love him?" Alice asked too. "You can guess how he feels about you. Do you think that he cannot guess too?"

"He probably can," she answered in a quaking voice as the tears started to form. "I have done a terrible job at hiding it. I fear he already knows."

The last few days had been excruciatingly suffocating.

She was tired... tired of the uncertainty, the silence, the constant ache in her heart.

The walls of her room had felt more like a prison, and she had spent far too many hours pacing, alone with her thoughts, or staring out the window, wishing for the world to stop moving so she could catch her breath.

She hadn't eaten properly in days. Her appetite was lost to the swirling mess of confusion that had taken up residence inside her.

Tears had come more frequently than she cared to admit, but each time they fell, they left her feeling emptier, more uncertain.

She was tired of pretending. Tired of living in a limbo, caught between the past and the future.

.. between what she wanted and what she was too afraid to pursue.

She had listened to her own voice for so long, tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing by holding back, but it wasn't working anymore. Nothing was working.

"You think I should just face it?" Emma asked nervously, rubbing her hands on her legs in a back and forth motion. "I should just... tell him what is in my heart, regardless of the consequences?"

"We think you should face it, yes," Alice said, nodding.

"Emma you are already hurting," Lavinia added.

"I'll think about it," Emma said in response.

She needed time to process everything that had happened and to understand the true depth of what she felt and what she wanted.

She also had to open her heart to the possibility of talking to Solomon about her feelings and seeing if she was all right with the idea.

"But I am grateful," she added. "I'm grateful that you both care so much."

Alice and Lavinia hugged her on either side, and they all stayed quiet in the moment. Deep down, Emma knew that she couldn't keep doing this. Something had to change else she was going to be stuck in that cycle for too long.

"Ah, that reminds me." Lavinia's tone shifted slightly. "Before I return home, I'll be hosting a small dinner party at my residence," she announced, her smile growing wider as she looked between Emma and Alice. "I insist you both come. Especially you, Emma."

"A dinner party?" Emma echoed.

"Yes, indeed," Lavinia replied, her eyes twinkling. "It's been far too long since we had a proper evening together. Also, I thought it would be a good chance to unwind and catch up. Once Andrew and I leave London, I'm not sure when we will be bac.," she added.

Emma hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Then I'll be there."

"Perfect!" Lavinia grinned.

Emma couldn't help but smile more genuinely now, feeling a little lighter, a little more at ease.

Talking to Alice and Lavinia always did that for her, regardless of how chaotic her thoughts were.

Once they left London after the season, it would take months before they would ever have reason to see each other again, so she was planning to make the most of it.

Even if it meant putting her own troubles aside for one evening.