Page 17 of A Dangerous Heart (Wind River Mail-Order Brides #4)

“I spent day after day belly up to the counter of the local café, waiting for the outlaws led by a snake named Judd Pickins and scouting the people around town. One of the waitresses had a son. Cody—” He choked on the boy’s name, sucked in a breath, and forced himself to go on.

“The kid followed me everywhere, stuck to me like a tick. He was—” His voice turned rough, like a hand had closed around his windpipe. Clare heard the words die in his throat. A ragged cough escaped him, and she could hear the struggle to steady his voice.

“I let my guard down. I should have sent him away. Should have told him to leave me be. But I didn’t.

When Pickins showed, I thought it was all falling into place.

I was ready to take him. But then Cody…” He stopped, his throat working as he struggled to go on.

“He’d been following me that day. Pickins saw him first.”

Isaac exhaled sharply, a sound steeped with bitterness.

“He grabbed Cody. Dragged him into the street, used him as a shield. Held a gun to his head.” He paused, and his jaw tightened.

“I ordered Pickins to let him go. Even holstered my gun, tried to talk him down. But the town marshal…” His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes briefly.

“He came running in with his gun drawn. That’s when Pickins turned. I had the shot. A perfect shot. Easy.”

Clare saw the fingers on his right hand twitch. Her own hands tingled with a cold kind of tension. “I took it.” His voice was quieter, rougher. “But Pickins moved. He pulled Cody right into the line of fire.”

“Oh, Isaac,” she breathed out, her voice cracking under the weight of his confession. It felt like the sound of her own heart breaking, torn between wanting to comfort him and the helplessness of knowing she couldn’t fix this.

“I shot him!” The confession burst out, as harsh and fatal as the bullet that had killed Cody.

She stopped walking, unable to take another step. Isaac halted too, though he angled his shoulders and face away from her. He ran a hand down his face. The boys’ voices grew fainter and the lamplight smaller in the distance.

Everything came into focus—she could see it clearly now. Isaac’s wound, his tragedy. He was an honorable man. No wonder he had broken under the weight of it.

She reached out and took his hand. Couldn’t stop herself, not when he was in so much pain.

“I’m sorry, so sorry, that you carry that kind of pain,” she whispered.

He blinked down at her.

This close, in the moonlight, she saw the agony cut across his face, then faint surprise.

“I deserve to carry it. I can’t ever forget.”

“No one deserves endless grief.”

The desolate look in his eyes as he shook his head tore at her. He turned his head away.

“It’s not grief. It’s guilt. I’m guilty of murder, but they won’t lock me away because I’m…I was a U.S. marshal.” His voice was gruff and full of self-loathing.

“No. Judd Pickins killed that boy.”

Isaac shook his head, his gaze drifting to Eli and Ben as they moved farther into the night. The lantern in Ben’s hand bobbed with his steps, its glow flickering like a firefly—there one moment, gone the next.

What could she say? Her own guilt weighed on her chest like consumption. She thought of Anne and the hollow ache she carried since Anne’s death. What would Anne have said?

“No one deserves that kind of pain and grief,” she repeated.

Especially not you, Isaac McGraw. “We can’t change what happened in the past. We can only live one day at a time.

But we can depend on the God who promises steadfast love and mercy that is new, greeting us like the sunrise, every morning. ”

But as the words left her lips, something twisted inside her. She knew them by heart, had heard Anne say them so many times. And she believed them, in this moment, for Isaac. She wanted to truly believe them all the way through, deep inside, for herself.

As time passed, his grip loosened, and in that quiet moment, she smiled to herself, her insides relaxing.

In step, they walked hand in hand under the moonlight, taking in the stars twinkling above.

The same stars she’d prayed to God under at the farm in Missouri.

The same God who would make the sun rise in the morning.

Oh God, we both need Your love and mercy.

As they walked, his hand securely in hers, Isaac gazed into the night sky. Then their gazes met, her breath catching at the warmth in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Their conversation had changed something between them.

“What’s taking you so long?” Eli traipsed up to them. Ben tagged behind, the lantern dangling from his hand.

Isaac released Clare’s hand, and cool air rushed over her skin.

Ben yawned. “I’m tired.”

Isaac reached for the lantern. “Let me carry that. It’s not too far now.”

It’s not too far now.

Isaac had taken a few tenuous steps toward letting Clare in.

She longed to do the same, but she knew she couldn’t.

The omission of her Barlow name had grown into an unspoken barrier between them.

If she revealed it now, she would lose his trust—something she couldn’t afford.

The fragile yet precious connection growing between them could be severed, and she wasn’t ready to risk that.