Page 30

CHAPTER 30

I stared at Nicola Müller, trying to untangle what she had just said, and fishing for some kind of response that didn’t sound completely addle-brained.

“Why did you bring your cat?” she asked.

Her verbal shifts were starting to give me whiplash. All I could do was blink at her. First, she wants to be my friend, then she wants to talk about cats? What cat?

I turned to see what Nicola was looking at over my shoulder. Sima sat on a short pillar beside an expensive-looking vase. She was licking her paw, washing her face, and seemed completely at ease.

“I, uh, didn’t bring her. I didn’t know she was here.”

Nicola shook her head in confusion. “How did she get here?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think she walks through walls. She just shows up places, but this is the first time she’s followed me like this. The Knights think she’s a demon.”

The strigoi burst out laughing. “The Knights probably think you and I are demons. They don’t recruit them for their brains.”

Sima yawned.

“Those are very large fangs, and she’s rather large,” Nicola said. “I didn’t know mages had familiars.”

“Neither did I.” I shook my head. “She’s not my familiar. She’s just one of the mousers at Master Adolphus’s house.”

Nicola laughed again. “As if a mouse could get through his wards. Or would be brave enough to want to with Anna Buckner inside.”

“She said she knew you, uh, like before.”

“Oh, yes. She was formidable, even as a girl. I attended her wedding, you know. That was before my transformation.”

“Why?” I blurted out.

She didn’t seem upset, or surprised. “Oh, many reasons. I don’t think most people choose who to fall in love with. I realize Verner would be an odd choice for many women, but he was a great improvement over the lout my father wanted me to marry. And my brother’s attitude toward women showed me that my life wouldn’t improve when my father died and Karl took over. Things are somewhat different now, but in the 1920s, women didn’t have a lot of choices.”

Nicola looked over at Sima again, who had managed to lie down without knocking the vase off. The top of that pillar was very crowded.

“You’ll live a long time, barring any unfortunate accidents,” Nicola continued. “But, again barring unfortunate accidents, I’ll live practically forever. And I’ll be young and beautiful the whole time.” She chuckled. “Although I’m sure some would take issue with my concept of life.”

Thinking of Verner, I wasn’t sure of that, but I didn’t say anything. I was sure he looked differently five hundred years earlier. If Master Adolphus looked like a wizard straight out of central casting, the ancient vampire could have come from the same place.

“So, what brings you to Zürich? A young American girl as apprentice to Master Adolphus Schein. That seems rather improbable, even if you are a spirit mage.”

“My mentor in Colorado is the Master’s granddaughter.”

“Ah, Amelia. But that still doesn’t answer my question.”

“I came to learn magic, and go to the university. Amelia wants me to be a healer. Master Elias and Master Adolphus seem to think I add balance to the world.”

“And what do you think about order and chaos?”

“They exist, as do good and evil. Too many people confuse good with order and evil with chaos. They both exist on a continuum.”

“You’re very young.”

“I feel very old at times, and incredibly young and stupid at others.”

“And what do you want to be? A healer, a fulcrum, a slayer?” She paused, giving me an appraising look. “A woman, perhaps?”

“Someday.” My answer surprised me.

She nodded. “I think people see you as many different things, through their own lens of perception. But I have a feeling that few people look at you as a woman. Still too young, insecure, and na?ve. Still a girl, a teenager. They don’t make you sit at the children’s table anymore, but they still don’t think of you as an adult. And the other way you’re perceived is as a killer, a warrior. I believe you were a tracker in America—what we call a slayer. At such a young age. I think your transformation is just as total, and just as difficult and confusing, as mine was. I don’t think you know who you are, let alone who you want to be.”

I tried not to show it, but her analysis had me trembling inside. “You know, they sent me to a shrink, and she said I have issues. I told them that before I went. Does everyone know who and what they want to be when they’re nineteen? I see a lot of people my age who are more lost than I am.”

“Yes. But they don’t have the power you do, and therefore the potential you have. That is why there is such a focus on you. A spirit mage is often a nexus. You being here at this time—and being under Adolphus's control—is concerning for many people.”

“Verner is concerned about me?”

“Only because I am concerned about you.”

“I still don’t understand why you invited me here.”

She took a drink from her cup, eyeing me over the rim. “You remind me a lot of myself at your age. And your aura is not only unusual, but also incredible. I lost most of my magic, but I can still see auras and feel magic when it’s being used.”

“I don’t think we’re at all alike.” I decided it was probably time to leave. I shot a glance at Sima and saw that she had risen to a sitting position, very clearly watching Nicola.

“Oh, my solution is definitely not for you. But I’m very curious about what you do, and who you become. I’d like to do this again.” She reached across the table and handed me a business card.

I rose and said, “Thank you for the tea.”

“Kaitlyn, I’m one hundred and four years old, and dead. I don’t have new feelings anymore. You’re nineteen. What do you feel? Who do you love? You can’t live a hundred years with everything buried inside, or doing what other people think you should do.”

As I turned toward the door and laid my hand on the knob, Nicola said, “As far as you’re concerned, I’m basically harmless. Don’t make the mistake of thinking my nephew is. That is someone who would burn all of us—you and me—if he gets the chance. He’ll try to make you think you love him. He loves no one but himself.”

I closed the door behind me and realized Sima was still in there. Or was she? She rushed past me as I started down the first set of steps and continued leading me out of the building. I noticed that the strigoi cleared a path in front of her. But when I stepped outside, she was nowhere in sight.