Page 22 of A Bride for the Wicked Duke (Claimed by Regency Devils #2)

Chapter Twenty-Two

“O h yes, that color,” her mother crooned. “That is the one! I knew it as soon as you put it on, dear.”

Aurelia smiled. “As I said, green has always suited me.”

“It is more than just the color…” Her mother was at her, hands on Aurelia’s waste, wrapped tightly as she held the dress in and forced Aurelia to straighten. “The dress too. Where has it been hiding?”

“I have owned it for years, mother.”

“It will look different once I have finished with the adjustments,” the modiste assured her mother. “It is a little loose about the waist and bust. But do not fear, once I am done there will not be a pair of eyes able to look upon you without gushing. Jaws will hit the floor!”

“They better,” her mother said.

“Trust me,” the modiste said with a coy wink.

Her mother beamed. The modiste beamed back. And Aurelia, feeling a need to snap out of her morose state and ensure her mother that she too was as thrilled for this dress, and what it represented, as she had told everyone that she was, beamed along with them. It was forced, of course, but she felt she did a rather good job at pretending. Two weeks of this and I am used to it by now.

It had been a tumultuous two weeks unlike any that Aurelia had experienced. A daze, she had passed through them in, each day blurring together with a sense of rapidness and speed that saw the day of the wedding approach far more quickly than she had thought possible. Far more quickly than she wanted.

Lord Mildenhall had eagerly announced their wedding as soon as Daniel had paid him a visit. It was to be a lavish and extravagant affair, done to ensure all those who attended that this wedding was more than a mere circumstance of convenience. The wedding license was applied for Invitations were sent. Decorations and décor were decided upon, paid for, and delivered. It was happening, and two weeks later Aurelia had finally come to accept that fact. Not that there was any chance that it wouldn’t be.

Today was about choosing Aurelia’s dress. A day which her mother was particularly excited about. Having scoured through Aurelia’s wardrobe, she had selected a sample of her favorites and had them brought to a modiste in London in the hopes that one might provide inspiration for an entirely new gown to be worn on her most special day. As it turned out, and most surprisingly, one of the dresses that Aurelia had already owned proved more than perfect.

“I still cannot believe you have had this dress the entire time,” her mother mused as the modiste began to shove pins into the garment, cinching it tightly around Aurelia’s waist. “Where did it come from?”

Aurelia was standing in the middle of the store, wearing the dress, doing her best not to get stuck by a sharp pin. “I am not sure,” she lied.

“Very strange…”

The dress was one that was bought for Aurelia when she had turned debutant. Typically, it had been too tight for her to wear, and she’d never had a chance to get it tailored to fit her. The truth of the matter was, she had not wished to, for she had suspected at the time her mother had done so on purpose to make a point.

“Wherever it came from, it is no wonder it has not been worn,” the modiste pointed out as she worked. “It hangs off you like a tent.”

“Wait a minute…” Her mother was rubbing her chin as she looked closer at the dress. “Aurelia, that is not…” Her eyes widened. “Tell me, that is not the piece I bought for your debutant ball! No!”

Aurelia flushed. “It might be. I cannot remember.”

“It is!” Her mother swept toward her, taking the hem of the skirt to look closer. “I cannot believe it. Aurelia…” She shook her head in with surprise. “I have not noticed until now, but you have slimmed down considerably. This is…” She beamed. “A sign, it must be, of good things to come.”

This might have been the first time ever that Aurelia’s mother had been complimentary toward her body. And where it should have brought her joy, the effect was the exact opposite. Does she not stop to consider why I have lost so much weight in such a short amount of time? Not because of how happy I am, I can say that without question . For two weeks now, Aurelia had felt so sick with thoughts of this coming marriage that she had lost her appetite completely. And where she might have looked better because of it, she certainly did not feel better.

“Thank you,” she said, looking away as she was beginning to feel annoyed. All this fake happiness and cheer, when her mother must have surely known how she was feeling, was starting to frustrate her beyond belief.

She turned her back on her mother, wishing to end this conversation. When she did, however, she was forced to look out the window of the small modiste, which had her spying something, or someone, which threatened to undo her completely. Her eyes widened and their eyes met, and she cursed the bad timing of this moment. Just when I think that things can’t get any worse…

“Oh, look who it is,” her mother said excitedly.

Aurelia grimaced when she heard the door to the modiste’s open, and she felt her cheeks and chest flush bright pink.

“Aurelia!” Rosalind cried. “That dress!”

Deep breaths taken, forcing calm and composure because she needed it more than anything, Aurelia turned about to greet her friend. “Rosalind, what are you doing in the city?”

“Shopping, eating, getting out of the house.” Her friend came for her, eyes wide and glimmering as she took in Aurelia’s dress. “But never mind that, it is you who we should be speaking of. This dress… gosh, it is stunning on you.”

“Thank you.”

Behind Aurelia, lurking in the doorway but careful not to walk too deeply into the store, was the duke. He stood with his arms folded, his body half turned, his attention filtering from Aurelia to his sister to the door through which he had come like he was desperate to flee. He looked just as Aurelia remembered him. Dark and stormy. Masculine and powerful. A sight which made her legs tremble and her loins moisten despite how much she wished they would not.

“Gerald,” Rosalind said, turning to her brother. “Does Aurelia not look beautiful. Tell her.”

The duke grimaced but then fixed a plain, almost disinterested expression on his face. “She does. I mean…” He looked at her finally, their meeting across the room and holding for just a moment. In that moment, the store faded around them, nothing seemed to matter in this world but his opinion, and Aurelia forgot how to breath, how to stand, how to not look as if she might float away. “… you do, look beautiful, I mean.”

“Fine,” she said, looking away.

As enraptured by the duke as she was in the moment, his telling her how beautiful he thought she was set a fire inside of her. If he thinks I am that beautiful, then why did he turn me down? Why did he choose to treat me as if I am nothing? She purposefully turned her back on him next, happy to fold her arms and pretend he was not there.

“Rosalind, we really must not linger,” the duke then said to his sister. “I told you, I do not wish to spend all day in the city.”

“Yes, yes,” Rosalind dismissed him. “I just wished to pop in – I couldn’t very well walk past without doing so.”

“Will we be seeing you two at the wedding,” Aurelia’s mother asked.

“Of course,” Rosalind said. “We would not miss it for the world.”

Aurelia continued not to look at the duke, even if she thought that she could feel his eyes on the back of her head. As much as she still wanted him, she was so angry with him that she refused to give him even the sense that he was still in her thoughts.

They left shortly after that. A few more well wishes. Rosalind opining on how she could not wait for the day. And then… they were gone, the duke leaving quickly, not another word said.

It broke her in ways she thought were beyond her at this point. Not that Aurelia had been hanging onto any false sense of hope, but still there was that lingering feeling that maybe when she saw the duke again, when he was reminded of her in the flesh, something would change in him. I do not believe he has not thought of me once these past two weeks. I refuse to accept that I have not had an effect on him.

Now, perhaps, it was time to accept it.

Such that it was that the rest of the day passed in a sullen fashion, Aurelia doing what she could not to look broken, her mother carrying on about how much weight she had lost, the modiste praising her on the dress and its beauty, and everyone seeming to agree that this wedding and this marriage was the most wonderful of things.

* * *

When they arrived home later that same day, Aurelia went straight to her room. She did so because her mother was starting to annoy her. The falsity of her praise. The purposeful ignorance of what thus marriage promised to be. Aurelia was doing all she could to hold her tongue and feign a sense of being content, but she could only push herself so far.

“Aurelia!” Her mother appeared in the doorway almost the second that Aurelia sat down on her bed. “Do not hide up here – I told you, I wish to discuss food options with you. I have narrowed it down, but as you are the blushing bride, I think it behooves you to have the final say.”

“I really do not mind, mother.”

Her mother tittered. “I can see that. With all the weight you have lost, perhaps you will dine on water and air.”

“Funny…”

“Truly, Aurelia…” She swept into the room. “I still cannot believe it – just as I cannot believe I did not notice it!” She reached Aurelia and took her arms, looking down at her daughter with an admiring stare. “I am just so proud of you. And honestly, if I had known this is what it would take for you to lose the weight, perhaps I would have insisted that you were married years ago.”

Oh, how Aurelia was trying her best. To hold her tongue. To keep her temper. To not rise to the bait because she did not want to cause a fuss or give a reason to alarm. But I am only so strong…

“Is this what it takes for you to be proud of me,” Aurelia snapped, yanking her hands back. “For me to lose weight, finally? Perhaps I will go one better? Starve myself to death, hhmm? That will really give you a reason to celebrate.” She crossed her arms and glared at her mother.

“Aurelia…” Her mother leaned back in shock. “Did I say something wrong?”

“What do you think?”

Aurelia’s mother was a stubborn woman. Indeed, she and Aurelia had fought over her weight many times and not once had she backed down. Why would she? In her mind, she is always in the right. And everything she says is aimed at improving me, as she thinks I need to be improved . It was such that Aurelia braced herself for her mother’s typical, defensive response.

Most strangely, her mother did no such thing.

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” her mother began, her tone softening.

“You… what?” Aurelia blinked, not sure how to respond.

Her mother sighed and sat down beside her, resting a hand on Aurelia’s thigh in comfort. “I know I am hard on you,” she began. “Perhaps a little more than that,” she added with a guilty chuckle. “But I hope you know I do it out of love.”

Aurelia scoffed. “Is that right? Then why has it never felt like that.”

“I suppose I should know better.” She gave Aurelia’s thigh a gentle squeeze. “And believe me when I tell you that I know exactly what you are going through. I know because…” She grimaced as if embarrassed but then nodded her head in confirmation, accepting what she was about to say. “My mother was the same way to me.”

“What?” Aurelia frowned at her mother; she looked up and down her mother’s petite body, wondering what she meant. “What does that mean?”

“I have never told you girls this,” she began awkwardly, looking away. “I was embarrassed, was why. But when I was your age, I was…” Another awkward laugh. “I was a little heavier than I am now.”

“How heavy…”

“Let me put it this way…” She raised an eyebrow at Aurelia. “If we were sisters, you would have been the skinny one.”

Aurelia’s mouth dropped open. “You are joking.”

“I am not,” she said rightly. “I was big, and my mother was not shy about letting me know it. In fact…” She shook her head. “When I finally became engaged to your father, she was the one who forced a diet on me, insisting that I could not be the wife I needed to be if I did not lose the wright. I hated her for that,” she then added bitterly. “As if being forced to marry a man I did not wish to was not punishment enough.”

“And father?” Aurelia pressed. “What did he… when he began to court you, did he say anything?”

She laughed. “I do not think he noticed. But we did not marry for love. We married because it was expected. Some days, I wish I hadn’t lost the weight. If I was going to marry, it might have been nice to have been myself.”

Aurelia could not believe what she was hearing. For all the times she and her mother had fought over her weight, she never could have imagined that her mother had been the same as her. She supposed it made sense, and she knew enough about her mother and father’s marriage to know it was not a happy one.

“I did not lose the weight for Lord Mildenhall,” Aurelia said softly. “That is not why…” She sighed. “It just happened, is all.”

“I know dear,” her mother said. “Just as I know this is not the marriage you expected or wanted. I think that is why I have been so over the top these past few weeks…” She gave her head a shake. “As if I could trick you into pretending that you are happy.”

“I am happy,” Aurelia said.

“You do not need to lie to me.”

Aurelia smiled. “I am not in love with Lord Mildenhall. But this marriage is still my decision, mother. You know that. And you know why I am doing it.”

“Just as I hope you know how proud of you I am.” She took Aurelia by the hand and gave it a kiss. “I do not say it nearly enough, but I am so, so proud of you. You did not have to do this, and Eveline especially…” She smiled. “She is just as grateful. We all are, dear. That you would put this family first as you have done, it is more than I could have ever expected or wanted from you.”

Aurelia felt tears brimming in her eyes and for once she did not try to stop them. She let them flow fully, which saw her mother begin to tear up with her. And for a few moments there, nothing was said, because nothing else needed to be. It was a conversation long overdue, but much needed with all things considered.

Still, Aurelia was not looking forward to this marriage but now more than ever she was accepting of it. One day, she would likely be able to look past her feelings for the duke, a bright spot in her life, but not a reality or a world she might have ever hoped to live in. And until that day came, thoughts of her family and why she was doing this was what she would focus on to see her through.

I might never be truly happy but at least I will be content. That is what I must live for. That is what I must focus on. My mother, my brother, my sisters… my family. They are whose lives matter the most, and in that I will find a slither of happiness on which to hold.