Page 20 of A Baby for the Texas Cowboy (The Texas Wolf Brothers #3)

F our hours later—most of those in the saddle because he’d needed to get away from people—especially Tinsley with her harsh accusations about his character and intentions—Anders and his oldest brother Axel rode back toward the main stable.

“You going to be able to look at some stock for me while you’re in New Mexico?” Axel asked.

“Yeah. Fine. Text me the details.”

“I did last week when we talked about it.”

“Cool. Whatever.”

Axel didn’t verbally respond, just a fractional tightening of his lips, but Anders heard his silent question.

Anders stared at his oldest brother. He’d always admired Axel.

He’d hero-worshipped him since he could remember, but he was just too damn perfect.

Too everything a man should be. He’d never have lapsed on birth control, and if he did, the girl wouldn’t turn him down.

Ever. She wouldn’t accuse him of faking anything, and it definitely wouldn’t occur to her that Axel would cheat on her. He was as honest as a man could get.

So, what did that say about him?

Or was it only Tinsley who felt him so lacking?

And was that on him or her?

He couldn’t even tell Axel about any of it. Too humiliating. He’d made a child with a woman who didn’t want him and didn’t respect him. There wasn’t much lower a woman could shove a man down.

“You want to talk,” Axel stated mildly as they rode into the main stable. He dismounted and uncinched the saddle, in one graceful movement, hefted it up and braced it against one of his broad shoulders.

Anders followed suit, but guilt and frustration weighed him down. He felt out of sync with everything, including himself and his body. His moves were short and jerky, and he tossed the saddle down on its place on the rack.

“Hey now,” Axel caught his shoulder, his large hands easily spanning and holding him in place.

Just like a big brother should.

Guilt, grief, anger, so many things hit Anders at once that he stilled, unable to sort through half of them.

“You’re off your game. It’s going to translate to the animals, and if you bring it to your work next week you’re going to get hurt.”

That was Axel. Cutting to the heart of it all. His command to talk wasn’t uttered, but it was there in his expression, and Anders felt a weird burning sensation behind his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed the two words out—not what he’d been planning to say.

“For what?”

So much Anders realized in a stab of clarity that he usually avoided.

His brother had been a bull rider—second year on the tour and top of the leaderboard.

He’d already had some enthusiasts comparing him to some of the legendary best. And then their father had unexpectedly died, and Axel had come home so Anders could finish his junior and senior years of high school.

Axel had taken over running the ranch and raising his youngest brother, and he’d never once complained, nor had he seemed bitter of his youngest brother’s success.

And now with Tinsley’s well-placed comment about him putting himself in danger with his job and the biggest blow that she didn’t want his kid, he suddenly realized the sacrifice his brother had made. And with a clarity that froze his blood, he knew he might have to make the same one.

Only he’d gotten six years to live his dream. Axel only two.

“You left the tour because of me.”

Axel’s expression—open, searching—closed down, but his hand maintained contact with Anders’ shoulder.

“Of course.”

“That’s it? Of course? You sacrificed a career, a dream job, hundreds of thousands in potential earnings and sponsorships and that’s all you say?”

“Nothing to say.” Axel gave his shoulder a squeeze and let go. He picked up the grooming tools for his horse. Anders grabbed the currycomb and followed where both horses stomped a little impatiently—ready for their reward after their afternoon of work.

Anders followed Axel, feeling like he no longer fit his skin.

“I never thanked you,” he said gruffly as they started brushing down the horses after their long ride. Nocturnal, a horse Axel had purchased and trained a few years ago intending to sell until Anders had taken a shine to her, nuzzled his neck.

“No need.”

Axel meant it. He harbored no resentment.

None. While Anders had been seething with it since Tinsley’s angry announcement about being pregnant.

He thought he’d been dealing with it, being practical, doing what a man needed to do, but he’d been a dick.

Throwing down orders. Not listening. Not making any attempt to understand her feelings at all.

“That’s what families do, right? Sacrifice?”

“If it’s for family, it’s not much of a sacrifice,” Axel said, his deep voice quiet. He snuck his horse, Sundown, a carrot and then another.

“Did you…?” Anders pressed his lips together. Of course his brother would have missed the tour, the challenge, the freedom, the life. And then with a thump, he realized Axel had been about his age when he’d had to walk away from bull riding.

He jerked upright, staring at his brother, who continued grooming Sundown, a new horse he was still working on training as a ranch horse. His movements were smooth and practiced. He didn’t falter or look like anything unusual was happening. And it most definitely was. They were talking.

“Do you think I should quit the tour after the finals?”

“That’s for you to decide.”

Axel did look at him then, and he scratched Sundown’s chin. The horse whinnied and arched into the contact, stomping his hoof, and a smile ghosted Axel’s mouth.

“Lots of riders have families to come home to,” Axel said, and his hand slipped down to hold the bridle to still Sundown’s head bobs. “No more carrots for you.” He scratched the horse’s forelock. “Tinsley want you to quit?”

No judgment. Just a question. If he lived to be a hundred, he’d never match Axel’s quiet strength. Ever.

“She wants to get rid of me,” Anders said, feeling the burn all over again, but this time it felt darker, colder. “She’s not sure she wants to be a mom.”

“I’d imagine lots of women find themselves in that position initially. How are you helping her with that?”

“I told her I’d be there for her and the baby.

I said we should get married. I’m getting paperwork in order so that she and the baby are financially taken care of,” Anders said, feeling a bit defensive.

“You would have done the same thing—taken responsibility. You taught me that. A man is responsible for his own actions.”

“Yes, but there’s more to it than that,” Axel said softly. He’d paused in the grooming, and Sundown stomped his left front hoof. Axel stroked the horse’s neck.

“I helped raise you best I could,” Axel said. “But I was fourteen when Aurik died, and then Mom passed soon after, and Dad was pretty worthless after that. He worked hard, but he stayed away from the house, from us.”

“You were like both parents to me and August. He fought you all the time.”

“We can only now be in the same room without him going nuclear on me.” A grim smile touched Axel’s mouth. “Cruz and Catalina help us to communicate better. I helped raise you, Anders, but I didn’t help you with the more civilized communication skills. Not my strong suit.”

Since Axel had always been known as the strong, silent Wolf, these words were an amusing understatement, but nothing seemed funny to Anders right now. He was still reeling, off balance, and no amount of time standing on the medicine ball was going to right him.

“I protected you. I tried to protect both of you,” Axel said softly, leaning into Sundown’s neck as if for comfort. “To try to make up for not protecting Aurik.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Anders said reflexively. “You nearly drowned pulling him out of the river.”

He didn’t remember any of it. He’d been too young, but people in the town talked about the tragedy still.

There were claims that the infamous creek that regularly flooded on their property was haunted still by Aurik’s frantic cries and his dead mother’s grief-stricken moans as her ghost wandered creek side searching for her lost child.

“People in town talked about our family a lot. We have a colorful history, and we’ve had more than our fair share of tragedy.

I didn’t want you to have to deal with all the gossip.

That’s why I…” Axel paused and sucked in a deep breath and squared his shoulders like he was going into battle. “Dad killed himself, Anders.”

“Wait, what? It was a heart attack. It…he…” He shut up. He remembered waking up to go to school. He’d had a test in biology and another in calculus.

Axel had been home, which was shocking. Axel had looked serious and asked him if he had anything important going on at school that day.

He’d told him about the tests and the presentation in his civics class.

Axel had made him pancakes and driven him to school.

He’d picked him up at the end of the day, and on the way home he’d said their dad had died.

Anders had been stunned into silence.

“The coroner said heart attack,” Anders said. “But I thought it was the drinking.”

“You knew about that too.” Axel looked regretful. “He never managed after Mom died.” Something twisted Axel’s stoic features, but then his expression smoothed out. “Hanged himself.”

Anders stared in disbelief.

“He called me to come home. Immediately. I didn’t want to leave before the final, so I rode. I won that one and was feeling high, but instead of celebrating I drove all night to get back to the ranch. Found him when I walked in the front door. He hadn’t bothered to wait for me.”

If Axel had left immediately for home when his father had called, would their father have still been alive? Would Axel have been able to stop him? He must have wondered that a million times. Alone.

“Jesus.” Anders found himself sitting down next to his horse—not a smart place to be. Nocturnal turned to look at him, expression curious and irritated.