Page 14 of A Baby for the Texas Cowboy (The Texas Wolf Brothers #3)

T insley sat in Anders’ truck, silent and staring at a vague midpoint on the horizon.

A small, black-and-white photo she hadn’t wanted and hadn’t yet dared look at lay face down on her lap.

She hadn’t been prepared to hear the heartbeat.

She’d still been processing that she had a little stowaway on board who was going to take over her life when the doctor had asked her about bleeding.

She’d spotted off and on over the past couple of months, which was why she’d held out hope she wasn’t pregnant.

The doctor had said that wasn’t uncommon, but she wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby looked good and the implantation was successful.

Tinsley had stared at the white textured tiles in the ceiling, imagining herself far away from this room and the doctor and her fate.

Anders had agreed to the ultrasound like it was a prize they’d won. She hadn’t paid much attention. It seemed dumb now, sitting in the truck, because she felt so many changes in her body, but somehow the baby’s heartbeat made everything seem so real.

She’d imagined the ultrasound would be on another day in another building when Anders was back on the tour, but no.

Before she could gather her composure, cool gel was smeared low on her belly and a wand produced an image that Tinsley hadn’t turned her head to see, but Anders’ face had been as rapt as a pilgrim on a holy quest.

No one ever looked at me that way .

And that selfish, pathetic thought shamed her.

Anders was excited about the baby.

That was good news for the baby, right?

She was the problem. She wasn’t the woman lovingly stroking her stomach and looking blissfully into the future. She wasn’t posting her ultrasound on Insta.

She was barely holding it together.

They didn’t speak until they arrived back at the tasting room. Somehow she’d thought he’d take her back to the ranch for dinner—maybe even try to keep her there so that the little lady was off her feet and captive, like his ancestors had likely done.

Anders turned off the truck.

“You’re being awfully calm about this,” she said into the pulsing silence.

“About the baby?” He fiddled with his keys, and glanced at the back of the photo. “No. Not really.”

Somehow that made her feel better and worse at the same time. But really, what did she want him to do, yell? Rail against fate? She’d done enough of that for both of them. She was exhausted.

And she was a horrible person.

“Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the picture makes it all real,” he said softly. He reached for the picture, and she held her breath.

“You can take it, if you want. Show your family,” she said. She didn’t want it lying about where it could ambush her, and yet she knew she could never be callous enough to toss the picture in the trash.

That would be courting disaster.

Had her mother gotten an ultrasound picture? Had she smiled at and touched her abdomen in wonder? Tinsley had a hard time imagining that.

“Have you shared our news with any family?” Anders asked as if he were a mind reader.

She nearly crawled out of her skin.

The tasting room blurred in front of her and she willed herself not to cry. Hanging baskets. She should have hanging baskets bursting with colorful blooms outside of the tasting room.

“August implied that perhaps your parents died,” Anders said softly, his voice aching with sympathy.

Of course. He felt he could relate. An orphan, except he’d had two brothers to guide him.

Relief coursed through her. It was an out she didn’t think she’d get, and she seized it. But guilt followed almost immediately. She should be honest with him, but how could she explain her parents? Her life before? The girl and woman she’d been? Her life had been so different from his.

And she wasn’t sure she could take the way he’d change around her. Or perhaps his interest in the money. She was just so tired. She felt like if she said anything or moved, she’d break.

His exhalation sounded defeated, but his fingers lightly brushed the back of her hand.

“You’re not alone in the world anymore, Tinsley. You’ll have me and my family and the baby.”

He was waiting for a response. She hadn’t wanted anyone—the expectations, the hurts, the betrayals. Alone was safer. But Anders was a good man. He thought he was doing the right thing.

Her heart twisted.

She dug deep for words. “Just a lot to take in.”

“Of course. I’ll walk you in.”

She felt too drained to even open the passenger door of his truck.

Not that she needed to. Anders, who always opened doors for her, was there. He helped her out. Carried her change of clothes to the locked tasting room door and then pulled out the keys Catalina had given her and unlocked the door.

The door closed behind them. All she wanted to do was fall asleep. She hadn’t felt this bone-exhausted since she’d left home, John, and her life behind five years ago.

“I’m happy you’ve been taking the prenatal vitamins,” Anders said into the silence.

She had started those even when she didn’t want to think she was pregnant. Not like the extra boost would have hurt her if the baby hadn’t been real.

But it was.

She’d heard proof.

She could see proof if she’d look at the picture.

And even though she hadn’t gained weight and wasn’t showing, she felt so different.

Alien.

“I need some time alone,” she said, certain he wouldn’t give it to her. And the worst part was, part of her wanted him to stay, to hold her.

And then she remembered she had no furniture.

She’d picked some out at the barn from a surprisingly large and modern and stylish collection, and Anders had bought a king-size mattress.

But she still needed groceries, dishes, small appliances, flatware…

Her head felt woozy just thinking of all the things she was going to need to set up the apartment.

She needed to eat something too. The doctor had been firm on that—no skipping meals. And she needed to carry nutritional snacks with her. Her blood sugar was too low, which was causing her dizziness.

But first so much needed to be done for the tasting room. She couldn’t let Catalina or August down. She had to rise up—pregnant—yuck—or not.

“I can do it. I can do anything,” she whispered under her breath, motivating herself to walk upstairs and retake charge of her life.

Of course, Anders paced alongside her.

He seemed like he was holding his shit together much better than she was. Score one for the cowboy.

She reached the top of the landing. There was a fairly large, open office for the tasting room, and opposite a bright green door. She liked the whimsy of the green color—like something out of a Disney movie. You couldn’t be stressed or angry and sad living behind a green door, right?

She went to unlock the door, but Anders reached around her, his own key ready, and then swung the door open.

“Oh.”

The apartment was furnished. Two butternut-squash-colored couches flanked a nubby black-and-white patterned rug. A large, wide rust-colored leather chair with an ottoman completed the living room furniture. There was even a Pendleton throw blanket and a white-tiled coffee table.

“Bedroom’s finished, and I ordered groceries. I’m…I’m sorry I don’t know very much about what you like to eat. I bought staples and food I researched online that was recommended during pregnancy.”

His voice was formal, his complexion a little pale, but two slashes of pink colored his cheeks and for the first time she could remember, he didn’t meet her gaze. Why would he know? It wasn’t like they’d done much eating together. They hadn’t been in a relationship.

She hadn’t wanted to risk that again. Ever.

“Thank you, Anders. You’re being really nice about—” she shrugged and looked around the stylish apartment “—everything. And I’m being a selfish, poor me, whiney woman.”

“You’re not—”

“I am,” Tinsley cut him off. “I am very self-aware. I just… It’s a big adjustment, and I’m not there yet. I’m a long way from there.” At least she could give him honesty about that.

“What if I never get there?” she whispered and looked at Anders helplessly. She was pathetic. She’d gone from confident woman in charge of her destiny to exhausted, cranky crybaby.

Anders wrapped his arms around her, and she let him, practically melting.

She just wanted to sleep for a week. But she had to eat.

And work. And apologize to Catalina and August for falling into bed instead of returning to the ranch for dinner.

And…her mind spun like the colored ball of doom before a hard-drive crash.

“Let’s just take it one day at a time,” he said.

“How?” She felt like everything was flying at her.

“Day by day.” He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed and for some reason that made her want to both cry and burrow into him for comfort. But she had to be strong. Stand on her own.

Anders took the sonogram picture from her limp fingers and stared at it for a long time. “Boy or girl do you think?”

“What?” It took her a moment to register. “Ummmmm.”

She hadn’t thought that far ahead. She hadn’t thought about anything for a long time except running. Only now, she realized with a jolt, she was at the end of the road.

Boy or girl?

She had a person inside her. A baby yes, but the baby would grow and become a person—need school and friends and activities that were their choice, not hers. She would give her child that, she vowed.

Suddenly, driving around the countryside on a Ducati letting the road take her to her next whim or adventure with another person who would have no say in their lives had become untenable. She knew what it felt like to have no control over her life.

She felt the blow like the times she’d swim out in the ocean and an unexpectedly large wave would knock her back when she’d try to get beyond the break point.

“Do you care?” she asked, suddenly curious.