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“Okay, so before you start spiraling, let’s go. Or I’ll go and you go take a shower. Maybe you’ll feel better if you do that. And then you won’t be sitting here, freaking out.” Livi takes my arm and guides me over to the couch. She sits first and gently pulls me down to sit next to her.

“Where are Mia and Peyton?” The thought pops into my head when I think about how I’m going to deal with this.

“Neither one of them came home with me last night. They were both hooking up with some basketball players, and I think they ended up going back to their place. They texted us in the group chat at, like, two a.m.” She puts her hand on my knee.

I nod.

“Em, look at me. Let’s get some answers and then figure out what to do. If you’re not preg?—”

The P-word snaps me out of my haze, and I whip my head to her. “Shh. Don’t say it out loud. We don’t know anything yet. This could all just be stress-related or something.”

“Okay, yeah. You’re totally right. I’m gonna go put a sports bra and a sweatshirt on and run to the store. Go get in the shower. I’ll be back in a few.” She stands and puts her hands out to me.

“Just take my debit card. It’s in my wallet. I don’t want you to have to pay for this.”

I reach for her hands, and she pulls me up to stand. Shesqueezes my hands, then releases them and turns to walk toward her room. Me? I’m frozen in place.

My mind feels muddled as I try to run through how this could have happened. And…what the fuck am I going to do if I’m pregnant. This certainly doesn’t fall into any plan I’ve made for myself, my schooling, my career. I’m feeling panicked by the thought of trying to go through medical school with a baby. Is that even possible?

And what the hell will I tell my parents?Oh, hey, Mom and Dad, I needed to get laid, and oopsie, now I’m pregnant.I’ve tried so hard to be the perfect daughter since my sister’s death. I have no idea how they’ll react if I am pregnant.

Slumping back into the chair, I take some deep breaths to try to ground myself. I’m a logical, fact-based person, and I know I can’t create a plan of action until I know the results.

Forty minutes later, I’ve showered and had a bottle of water, and now Livi and I are sitting in the bathroom, staring at three sticks lined up on the countertop. My back is turned to them—because if I can’t see them, I can live in denial for just a little longer.

Livi keeps trying to say things to make me feel better, but really, nothing is helping.

“Hey, Liv. You can’t say anything to anyone yet. Like, when the girls come home, you can’t tell them. If I am … you know. I need to figure out what to do about golf and everything.”

“Absolutely. Not a word to anyone. But, Em, I’m totally here for you. If you are, we’llallbe here with you the whole time. And besides, I’ll be an amazing auntie.”

“Livi, really? I’m trying not to have a complete breakdown here. How many more minutes?”

She giggles, and I turn my head and glare at her.

“Sorry. Sorry. Not funny at all. Not in any way, shape, or form. We have two more minutes left, but do you want me to look and tell you now?”

“You already looked, didn’t you?” I reach for her hand.

With a sympathetic smile, she nods.

A sob breaks free, and I can’t hold back my tears any longer. This can’t be happening.

Livi wraps me in her arms. “Em, it’s going to be okay. I promise. We’ll be right here with you. But I gotta ask, are you going to tell Archie?”

I pull back and wipe the tears from my eyes with both hands. “I mean, how can I not? I’m not going to hide it; I wouldn’t even be able to. My biggest concerns are school and golf. What am I going to do? And I’ll have to talk to Archie. I saw something onSportsCenterabout him entering the draft this year. I mean, this couldn’t be more complicated.”

What I don’t say is that I’m also terrified. My little sister died of a genetic heart condition. I was fortunate not to have any issues, but that doesn’t mean my kids won’t. So I never really even thought about having kids. I’ve been so focused on getting through my four years here at Walker and then working toward applying to med school.

I clear my throat. “So, I think the best thing for me to do is find a doctor off campus for now. I’m afraid that if I go to theclinic, they will report it to the athletic department before I can figure out a plan. I really can’t have that on my plate right now.”

“I totally agree. I think that’s probably for the best. But you should talk to Archie first. Have you seen him since that night?”

I sigh. “I know.” I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “No, I haven’t seen him, but haven’t exactly been looking either. Of course I would have to get knocked up by the campus playboy.”

“Yeah, but at least he’s hot.”

“Really, Liv?” I look at her incredulously.