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“The key to a long marriage.” Olivia nods, wisely, like they’re passing down ancient secrets.
“How about you, Liv?” Madeline asks.
“Calling anything I do ‘cute’ when I’m mid-rage.”
The girls all nod in solemn agreement like she just dropped gospel.
Olivia takes a sip of wine. “Callan does it all the time. And all I’m thinking is, ‘my death glare is not a fuckingvibe, Callan.’”
“Will there be violence to go along with that?” Kristen asks. “Because I’ve got ideas.”
“I see you’ve thought about this topic a lot, Kris,” Olivia says. “And I fully support that.”
I settle into the couch. I think I’m going to like these girls.
Kristen looks at Madeline. “Okay, spill, and if you say anything about still being in your honeymoon phase, Iwillpick something off my violence list and harm you with it. Honeymoons are no excuse for forgetting your female rage.”
Madeline laughs. “Oh, I have things. And I’ve just added ‘waking me up to ask me where something is’ to my list after he did that yesterday.”
Kristen gasps. “He didnot.”
“Oh, he did,” Madeline confirms, deadpan. “And I told him that if he has to interrupt my sleep again, to findthe salt, he will forfeit his life.”
“Oh my god,” Olivia says, trying to sound serious but losing it as a grin takes over. “The salt?”
“The. Salt.” Madeline gives us a slow headshake as if she’s just remembered it and still isn’t over it.
We’re all laughing now, the wine is flowing, and all I can think is: how did I survive this long without a group like this? Why didn’t I know this kind of friendship existed?
“Your turn, Amelia.” Kristen points at me like I’ve just been chosen to testify in the court of justified girlfriend vengeance.
I don’t even have to think about it. “Saying ‘I don’t really get why you need so many throw pillows.’”
Kristen gasps again, like I just spoke a universal truth. “Violence is required. There’s no other option when a man says something that dumb to a woman.”
“Right?” I throw my hands up. “It’s like, ‘oh I’m sorry, do you also not understandjoy?’”
Olivia laughs and then raises her glass. “Cheers to that. But wait. Gage said that to you? Or another guy?”
“Gage. Just the other day.”
She’s horrified. “I taught him better than that. Seriously, we need an intervention before he screws this up with you. I like you too much for that to happen.”
“I’ll bring the violence list,” Kristen offers, very seriously, and honestly, I’m 79% sure she’s not kidding.
Olivia gets a wicked glint in her eye. “We don’t need a list for Gage. All we have to do is pull out the board games.”
Kristen cackles. “True.”
I blink. “Gage doesn’t like board games?”
“Hates them,” Olivia says. “Though he always ends up having a good time. So, if he pisses you off, just pull one out and tell him you wanna play.”
I nod, filing that away like I’ve just been given nuclear codes. “Good to know. Passive-Aggressive Monopoly is now my version of couples therapy.”
Laughter explodes around me just as Gage walks into the room, eyebrows raised at what he’s walking into.
“Do I even want to know?” he asks.