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Human. The word sat on my tongue like profanity. No matter what Harlen says I gained, right now I feel like I lost so much more.

I grabbed my designer sunglasses off the bed and put them back on. How long would I have to wear sunglasses inside before my eyes were like the rest of the vampires?

I was enjoying the quiet after all the madness that accrued earlier. Zand and Harlen’s fight was too WWE for me. There had to be more going on between them because I knew all the violence couldn’t be because of me.

Sounds were amplified to the umpteenth degree. I could hear water rushing through pipes inside the damn walls. Harlen toldme that either my ears would adjust to sounds or I would just get used to it and it would no longer annoy me.

Walking seemed awkward for me. I could do it, but my limbs just didn’t feel the same. Three days of Harlen’s crash course in vampire mobility hadn’t prepared me for this. Nothing could. I walked over to the mirror above the dresser for the fourth time today just to see if I had a reflection.Of course I did.

The face staring back at me was mine, but not mine. My skin had a subtle translucence. I was already a light bright. Now I could see even more of my veins than before. My blue veins traced delicate patterns just beneath the surface of my skin. I leaned closer to the mirror, watching how the light played differently on my skin now. It didn’t reflect. It seemed to pass through the top layer before bouncing back. Not cute at all. I was too bright. I looked whiter than my White father and I never thought that was possible.

My fingers traced my cheekbones. My facial texture hadn’t changed much, and that was a good thing. My hair was still blondish and curly in its natural state. I didn’t try to flat iron it after I turned. I wasn’t even thinking about my appearance until now.

The scariest part of me was my eyes. My gray irises were glowing with this unnatural brightness, like I was wearing white contact lenses. It was freaky and Halloween-ish.

It was Zand’s idea for me to come back into the guestroom and stay at his loft. At first, I wanted to leave with Harlen. I didn’t feel like I belonged in the room I occupied when I was human.

The way Chanel looked at me broke my heart. And Harlen felt guilty about my death. He blamed himself. But I didn’t blame him. I blamed that raggedy ass bitch that tossed me off a fucking balcony. I wanted to kill that goofy hoe on sight. Dead ass.

Despite this tragedy that was now my life, I preferred being a vampire over being dead. I wasn’t ready to go up to yonder. I wasn’t ready to die. Definitely wasn’t ready to leave my parents and my brother with the level of pain. I had a plan and once I mastered pretending to be human, I would go back to visit them. I didn’t know if it was prohibited to see your family. I didn’t care. One day I was going to go see my kinfolks. I could always play off the fact that I was aging by saying I had work done on my face. Or just use that my mama is Black, and Black don’t crack excuse.

My voice was different, too. My voice carried notes and octaves I’ve never heard before. I could sing a little here and there, but now I had an enhanced melodic tone and vocal range. In middle school, people used to call me Mariah Carey because of the way I looked, but now I could sound like her. I could hit them high notes.

I stepped back from the mirror and sat on the edge of the bed. I ran my hands over the comforter. Each individual thread registered against my fingertips. I could feel the weave pattern. I’d touched this same comforter hundreds of times when staying over at Zand’s place, but I’d never truly felt it until now.

Something sharp and sudden twisted in my stomach. A cramp like contraction that made me double over with a gasp. Thirst. No hunger. It was out with the old menstrual cramps and in with the new hunger cramps. My new fangs descended without my permission. The strange sliding pressure in my gums made me wince.

“Jesus.” I hissed, wrapping my arms around my midsection as if I could physically contain the feeling. This was what Harlen called the bloodlust. It would hit me in waves about every four hours. It was the constant reminder that I wasn’t Morgan Kamisha Hayes. I was a vampire. The pain receded slightly after a few moments, but I knew it wasn’t going away completely.

I forced myself to stand, to move away and distract myself. Pacing helped. I remembered the fall. I remembered the air rushing by me and through me. I remembered the impact, a millisecond of blinding pain, and then nothing. Truly nothing. Then I woke up to Harlen’s wrist pressed against my mouth. His salty blood on my tongue forcing its way down my throat. There was urgency in his words as he begged me to drink.

My plans, my future, my life was gone in an instant when Teresa pushed me over that railing. I was going to do so many things, go so many places, have two to three kids. If I make it through this shitshow, I’m going to have to lie to everyone I love.

I never imagined in a million years that me and Coco’s love for vampire movies would bring me here. Some of the stuff in movies and TV wasn’t true, but there were things that were true. I was going to have to watch my family and friends grow old and die. Except for maybe Chanel, if Zand turned her into a vampire one day. I never envisioned a life where I would crave blood every day for eternity.

The look on Coco’s face when she saw my eyes. I’ll never forget it. There was terror mixed with grief. My best friend looked at me like I was a stranger.

Maybe I am.

My brain remembered being Morgan Hayes. It held my memories, my personality, and a variation of my voice. I was going to have to think positive. I needed to believe that now I was just a better, more enhanced version of myself.

Another wave of bloodlust hit me. I squinted my eyes and held my stomach. Was this what addiction felt like? I needed to figure this out. I needed to learn to live in this skin, with these senses, and with this hunger. I needed to still be me, whatever the hell that meant. Because the alternative was death, and I wasn’t sure how to kill a vampire.

A soft knock on the door pulled me from my existential spiral. Who the hell was at the door? Didn’t we all have enough drama for one day?

“Yes.” I called out a little too loud.

“It’s me.”

Who the hell was me?The door opened just a crack. Donté’s face appeared in the opening. Unlike the others, he didn’t look at me with pity, concern, or fear. He had been exactly where I am now.

“I thought you might want a tasty beverage.” He joked with all of his white teeth on full display. And like a magic trick, he presented a glass of blood from behind his back.

I shrugged and sat down on the bed, leaning my back against the headboard. “I don’t think I’m good company right now.”

“Nobody is the first few days.” He slipped inside the room and closed the door behind him. The click of the door latch sounded like a gunshot to my oversensitive ears. I flinched and Donté noticed.

“Yeah, that shit is wild, right? The super hearing.”