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‘What about?’ Leigh asked.

‘I wasn’t drunk. All those years ago. That’s not why I said what I said,’ Alex confessed.

‘So then why…’

‘I said it because I mean it,’ Alex admitted. ‘I meant it all.’

Forty

Leigh’s heart was in her mouth. ‘You meant it?’

‘Yes. I really… Iwantedto love you,’ Alex said, an unusual sincerity in her deep-set eyes. ‘But then I got this phone call about some shit my dad had pulled on my mum, and it brought me back down to reality. I felt like you deserved better.’

‘Better than what?’ Leigh said, unable to imagine what she could mean.

‘Better than me,’ Alex said, as though it were obvious. ‘Because I’m just like him.’

‘I don’t believe you are,’ Leigh said.

‘Well… That’s what I thought then.’

‘And what do you think now?’ Leigh asked.

‘I think… I don’t know who I am now. Everything is in flux. I did the right thing tonight, sure, but tomorrow?’ Alex shrugged. ‘No idea.’

Leigh sighed. ‘Thanks for the disclaimer. So now you can tell me what youreallywant to say.’

That frightened Alex. But Leigh didn’t mind it because Alex looked cute scared. Like a little dormouse peeping out of her hole, wondering if an owl was gonna eat her.

‘Look, I don’t know, OK?’ Alex stammered. ‘I don’t know how to ask… I thought I had it all figured out! What am I gonna do now? Be a good person?’ Alex laughed like it was about the craziest thing she’d ever heard.

‘I’ll get you a cape,’ Leigh said, folding her arms. She wasn’t trying to make this tough for Alex. But she couldn’t make it easy. She wanted to know what Alex really wanted.

‘Leigh,please,’ Alex pled.

Leigh smiled. ‘I’m still waiting for you to get to the point.’

‘Fine,’ Alex nearly screamed. And then she added, more quietly. ‘I love you.’

Leigh stopped smiling. ‘You love me?’

Alex looked scared again. ‘Yeah, w-w-what did you think I was gonna say?’

‘I guess I thought you might be coming round to the idea of going on a date or something. Butyoulove me?’

‘It’s too much. You see? This is why change is such a pain in the arse. I’ve overcorrected. I should have waited to tell you that, eased you into it over several months, but the way I’ve treated you like shit, I didn’t think I’d get the chance. I thought I had to go big, and now you’re freaked out! Which is a very normal reaction in retrosp—’

Leigh was tired of talking. She leaned in and grabbed Alex’s waist, pulling her gently toward her.

Alex came closer, but she looked terrified. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Kiss me, you idiot,’ Leigh said.

Alex’s terror seemed to break, and she leaned in, kissing her long, deep and slow. It was a bone-shaking kiss. Leigh was glad she was holding onto Alex, because her legs might have given way otherwise.

When the kiss ended, Alex asked, ‘You want to go on a date?’

‘Yes,’ Leigh said confidently.